Her beauty pained me greatly. Her edges, the lines of her curves cut into me like razor wire.The deepest and most vulnerable parts of me choked on tears of want. Nothing truly beautiful can ever be obtained. Indeed the very notion of attainability is utterly destroyed by the vision of what is truly beautiful. Even one's own body, the source of longing itself becomes belonging to something bigger; belongs to no one at all. Her form, her poise, her grace, her *** which shone off of her blindingly. My mind, usually engaged in white-washing the world in colors suiting my narcissistic bent is arrested, transposed. My greedy, perverse imagination simply cannot top the marvel pleasuring herself playfully before an audience innumerable. My rendering engine cannot keep up with my desire and I break down. Religion floods my heart and not worship but sacrifice overtakes me. I want to die for her image. I don't want to know her physically- too much pain would be involved- though I would starve myself indefinitely just to taste her.

I haven't lived a day past the day I met you. Every day since has been lived inside of that day. I've tried to tear time apart at its hinges so as to be free and my will has left me a sundered man. I left everything with you that day, as you unknowingly asked me to do. I hate everything about everything about how much you mean to me. I have lived every day since that day inside of the pain of that day. You tell me to move on. You don't know that there is no one to move on and nowhere to move to. I live inside of nowhere. I live inside of the day that never could have been otherwise and yet needed to be so. You tell me to move on...

Blazing inferno!
Now I will carry water;
Through ice-mountain pass

Glass pressed to your curious smile
your eyes are already drunk
empty though it seems
I still taste the wine on your lips
I know the flavor well by now
bitterness gives way to a rosy sting
and I melt into the chalice
and feel at home
as a grape pressed and aged
and allowed to breath
finally savored

And you were so happy...
I looked at you with hollow mournful eyes
I could not join you in rejoicing
I was already looking back on this that we have lost
I wish you really understood
the way I saw you
I would want you to know the way
the light on your cheek
still shines in my memory
and your smile as I held you
is the first image that comes to mind
when asked about beauty

The sunrise in summer
is cute, even quaint
The harvest moon in eclipse
is a striking novelty
The first snow fallen fresh
is pretty while pure

And the light on your cheek as I held you

         will haunt me
       as it did
     even then

I’m left spinning
one side pushed
the other pulled
center held still
suspended above
the ramblings of a mind
obsessed with lack

“Are you happy?”
you ask me

“Does it matter?”
I respond

I don’t feel ‘good’
though I’m not sure
if that is the object of this game

All these people chasing
their objects across their fields
and yet they have forgotten
the rules of the game

The only rule I know
is know no rule

So I’m tired and my head aches
and my heart hurts
and my gut rolls into itself
and yet I am not taken
into this place of panic
some people are so fond
of calling home

The clouds roll over my head
as I stand stalwart
against the storms that don’t exist
And I become the mountain
laughing with every crack of thunder

Yes you became the moon to me
and like the tides I am still pulled towards you
and like the tides I fall back into myself
and am not drawn out of the Ocean
I Am

A world unnoticed
Toiling armies wade through moss
Life built upon life

Reaching for the sun
Even at night growing strong
Master of patience

Just another tree
Home for all of these beings
Just another world