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150 · Jan 2019
Connection
EJ Lee Jan 2019
Does he or not
It’s all confusing
It’s not pleasant
The wanting to
Figure him out
But you can’t
You try
But it’s not always easy
When he doesn’t
Let on about himself
It like a never ending game
But it is he that is holding
All of the cards
You want him
To come clean
About how he feels
Toward you
So you can avoid looking
Like a fool
But he might want to say
Something to you
But he is not sure
If you’re ready
To hear what he has to say
10/2/11
150 · Jan 2019
I am Done
EJ Lee Jan 2019
I am done
Hoping for you
So I must
Move on
For there is nothing
For me
I am done
Crying over you
So now I must
Be strong
And not shed
Anymore tears
Over you
I am done
With all of this pain
That you caused me
In time
My wounds will heal
And I will become
Whole again
And right now
I am done
With you
8/12/12
147 · Jan 2019
No One
EJ Lee Jan 2019
Feeling Pressured
Into something
You don’t like
You feel weak
Hapless
Waiting for someone
To come along
And stand up for you
But you have
No one
Not one person that cares
About your feelings
About your well being
No one
Not everyone is lucky
To find that one person
Who will stand by you
When you have
Given up hope
Who will comfort you
When you’re down
Who will always be their
For you in the end
This is a hard
Person to find
But once you
Do find this person
Can stand together
And fight the people
That pressures you
10/12/11
145 · Jan 2019
Friends
EJ Lee Jan 2019
Friends are the ones that you can count on,
They’re the ones that will watch your back.
Friends will accept you for who you are
Not how you look
-or how you act

Friends trust friends with
Embarrassing moments, hopes
and dreams.
Friends look up to each other,
Stand up for one another.
It’s impossible
To not have a friend
It seems

You can always trust your friends
If they are really true-
Thank your friends,
Even if you
Have a few
2007
143 · Aug 16
Starting Over
EJ Lee Aug 16
It's scary and exciting
Memories were built
Then collapsed in an instant
One too many comments
One too many blows
One too many moments of self-doubt
It's time to leave and begin a new
A new self-love
And self-care
Knowing I deserve a better life
Then the one I would have faithfully settled for
That would have ended my self-esteem
And self-worth
This is not the end
But a new beginning
Of self discovery
And healing for a better
And fulfilling future
Of my own making
06/021/2024
143 · Aug 16
Walking Away
EJ Lee Aug 16
I need to walk away from us
The fighting
The manipulation
The drama
The violence
The Trauma
I need to walk away from us
I need to start over
I need to love myself
I deserve better
For that to happen
I need to walk away from us
The love blinders need to come off
So that I can see
The mess that you have created
And hold my head up high
And regrow my spine
So that I can walk away from us
Start a new life until you are
Nothing more than a distant memory
Free from your influence
And negative comments
I have changed
And I am not going back
As there is no us
To walk back to
But only me to move forward  
And to start anew
05/30/2024
142 · Jan 2019
When I am with you
EJ Lee Jan 2019
When I am with you
I don’t know what we are
Together nor far apart
But what I do know is
I am happy

When I am with you
I am able to forget
All the craziness that I go through my mind
It just disappears
For a brief moment

When I am with you
It takes every fiber in my body
To not text everyday
To not let myself to become attached
But it has becomes harder and harder

When I am with you
I want to tell you that I like you
But I hold that little piece inside me
For I fear of what you might say

When I am with you
I want to believe that you feel
The same way I do
Even for a moment or too
All that matters is
When I am with you
2/25/14
142 · Jan 2019
Look
EJ Lee Jan 2019
Look at me
What do you see
A Person, a Friend, an Enemy
An Athlete, a Geek, an Artist
Look at us
What do you see
White, Black, Asian, Indian
Does it make a differences
Who we are
Where we come form
Look around
What do you see
I see the future in the eyes of many
Standing before me
Look and see what I see
Here in front of me
As do you
2010
130 · Jan 2019
I Wish You Knew
EJ Lee Jan 2019
I wish you knew
How you had affected me
When we were close
When we laughed
I wish you knew
All through the day
You are on my mind
I wish you knew
Over time my feeling
For you became stronger
So the urge to become
More then friends
I wish you knew
I gave you my body
Because I trusted you
I wish you knew
When I was able
To have enough
Courage to tell you
I wanted to give you
My heart
You rejected it
I wish you knew
I resist the urge
To call you
To text you
For I might just
Cry all over again
For the pain
Is overwhelming
To be near you
Is to much
I wish you knew
3/11/12
122 · Aug 16
One Day
EJ Lee Aug 16
I will meet you one day
Our time together was so short
But I loved every minute
I was ok with the nausea
It meant you were ok
The prospects of the future
Were utter bliss
As we carefully chose
Your potential name

Sadly it didn't last very long
I knew something was wrong
That you were no longer here
It nearly broke my heart
As I never got to meet you
see you grow
Or become the person you were
Never meant to be

No one could have prepared
Me for this kind of grief
The emotional loss
Having it completely
Out of my control
Questioning whether or not
It was meant to be
This time

You were loved by both of us
And one day
we will meet you
Not today
Maybe not tomorrow
Or anytime soon
But when it's our time
We will be reunited
And see your beautiful soul
Grow to what you
were meant to be
Jan 30, 2024
122 · Jan 2019
To Understand
EJ Lee Jan 2019
I am different
So are you
You can read
Better than I can
But I see
The world differently
Call me dumb
Call me stupid
But I know they are not true
For I am smarter than you
I might flip my letters
From time to time
Heck even my numbers to
But that is not my fault
It just happened
There is no easy way
To explain what I mean
Other then looking it up
But it’s even harder
To explain the challenges
That I have to face every day
Even for the rest of my life
You see me different
You see me strange
And call me names
I see you the same way
I find you odd
I find you mean
I also see you ignorant
For not taking the time
To appreciate me
Once you decide
To open your eyes
And see what I see
Only then will you
Understand me
This was written on 6/7/11
115 · Jan 2019
Cry
EJ Lee Jan 2019
Cry
Do you know I cry myself to sleep at night?
Wondering when will be the next time you’ll talk to me
I cry myself to sleep at night
When I see you’re on Facebook
But you wont talk to me for some reason
I cry myself to sleep sometimes
Wondering that you found someone else
And you would rather be with her
Because I can’t be there with you
I cry myself to sleep sometimes
Because I’m crazy in love with you
And you wont talk to me for weeks at a time
The only thing I can do right now
Is cry my self to sleep
Hoping one day you’ll see the pain I’m in,
The constant heartache I feel all the time.
All I can do is cry myself to sleep
Thinking about you and only you
Please tell me what you want me to do
Because all I can do is cry
Over you
11/9/15
94 · Aug 16
Overflow
EJ Lee Aug 16
Emotions are like water
It's fluid as a stream
They can be intense
And out of control
Or passive
Locking up your emotions
Until a dame is high
Until it becomes too much
And the water overflows
Creating an avalanche
of destruction in its wake
06/11/2024
75 · Nov 4
Steadfastness
EJ Lee Nov 4
Your kindness
Compassion
And patients
Calms me
I feel safe and steady
In your arms
I am not worried
Of my past nor
What the future
May entail
But rather living
In the moment
With you
Healing in your
Steadfast heart
11/3/2024
28 · Nov 4
Masking
EJ Lee Nov 4
hiding your face behind a mask
forcing a smile
pretending you're okay
It is painfully hard to live in a world
and show no emotion
Sometimes it's easier to pretend
put on that fake smile
and force it down your throat
deep down anxiety building up
depression overwhelming
pretending you are okay
when all you want to do is
let that mask down
Peek behind it
Letting that mask slip
even at the slightest
puts me in jeopardy
in my head,
I am screaming with anxiety
wanting to slip this mask off
to show the pain that I'm in
but deep down
I know this mask
is the only thing
preventing me from showing
the emotions that are bubbling over
who will care if you drop that mask
this mask puts everyone at arm's length
Where can I be with no judgment
where can I be with no mask
I do not feel I can be myself
without putting on the mask that
everyone is familiar with
Who associates this front
That feels disingenuous
A lie for sanity
That is destroying me
From the inside out
3/8/24
26 · Nov 4
Why Stay
EJ Lee Nov 4
Everything was magical
And new
I felt I was the luckiest
Person alive
But slowly
The beautiful facade
That was painted with
Rose colored glasses
Began to chip away
One piece at a time
Slowly revealing the horror
I would endure
In an endless nightmare
As I held the broken fragments
That created your mask
Holding onto a memory of a
Fictional character
only to
never be
seen again
Bonded by trauma
Holding so tight
Suffocating in
My own misery
Unable to recognize myself
In the mirror
Knowing I need to break free
Of this nightmare
Of a life
I did not sign up for
11/2/2024

— The End —