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An occasional attention deficient lovelorn
Thought our rope ends grabbed—maybe I’m wrong
Checking my story for a display of blue
And on people’s pages hoping to see you

Is it implied—that they heard all my cries
—or am I too dumb to read between the lines
That I have never wished for someone else
Filled with feelings I have never felt

Losing my cool, launching towards my bed
Can’t even eat, made yourself home in my head
Want to be so loud, screaming V I like you
Maybe start it all with hi, nice to have met you
Still nothing. My brain and my heart is killing me. And have no idea how to even do this. Please wish me the best.
I’d die someday falling for actors
With no respect for people around them
Of how bright the ray they fill the space with
And how it affected these dreams that I dreamt

The ball of warmth and comfort they are
Like the yarns of my heart is getting played
With the powerful paw hiding the sharpest of claws
Ready to strike, while I’d knowingly stay
I don’t know what would happen first: me succeeding in this career path or me getting lovesick-induced heart attack because of these actors’ charismas. Stage people are scary as hell. Pray that I make it out alive.


Also, how do you start talking to a person? Like idk, I’m not the most confident person but I’m in the best state, better than I’ve ever been. Like he’s so adorable is one big reason, but the fact that I’ve never truly loved affects my acting and I want to fix that. So well, I’m letting myself truly feel for the first time and I’m sort of ready to risk it all.
First time feeling like Juliet,
staring at you from the balcony
Majestic curly hair,
don’t know if you notice that like I do
Dark brown eyes,
sharp like a knife cutting right into me
And those smile in such hot weather,
somehow a shiver sent down my spine

Talking to your beloved friends,
your laugh could really end me
Don’t know if you know what you’re doing,
but I do know what to
Introducing myself to you,
introducing us, hopefully
That one day you’ll call me darling,
and I’ll call you mine
Last day of being a stage assistant of a 10 50-minute performances. Fun times, met interesting people, one volunteer work that I’ll give 8/10 sincerely grateful for the experiences and exposures.
Looking forward to the future.
My eyes blank stared into nowhere
You casually fixed yours on me
I have been crushing on you
Still try keeping it low-key

I’ve loved your pretty tan skin
You casually complimented me
We sat right next to each other
I was breathing silently

I’m not the most secured person
You casually lean towards me
We were suddenly a step closer,
I’m more comfortable with me

I’ve seen your world as an outsider
While you laugh and cry and sing
Now I get why you’re an actor
So casually you’re radiating
Had a gay panic today because a charismatic af girl in my acting workshop complimented me after our audition at this biggest-production musical I’ve ever encountered. She is amazing as an artist, a friend, and a person. Wishing the best for her and I wish she passes this audition.
Tears drop, heart aches
Nothing can be done
On my chest, heavy weights
Waiting for the Sun

3 months, as short
Not enough to blow
But 3 months, too short
Not enough to grow

3 months, just long
Enough to learn self love
And 3 months, as long
To bond and long for love

All connections made
Cannot sew in strong enough
All realizations fade
Cannot say I’m as tough

But not a second wasted
Have lived in the present
Much love given and taken
Are all lovely presents

Tears drop, heart warmed
All things have been done
On my mind, love swarmed
Finally, I see the Sun.
I’ve said goodbye to all my friends this week, one a day. It was heart-wrenching af, but at the same time, I’ve never felt this genuine appreciation simply of my existence before. These 3 months have been beautifully weird for my brain. I try to write my journal a lot to help process but the gears in my head are still figuring it out.

Farewell has never been easy for me, but this one is the hardest. What I had with my friends are so special, I doubt I can ever recreate this again in any other scenarios ever. I genuinely appreciate this experience, but sometimes I just wish it would never end. (But still, idk if I would’ve stayed longer, will I give it all the way I did knowing I’m here for only 3 months?)

Anyhow, as much clarity I gain from this trip, as many new questions about myself pops up in my mind. The times to come are going to be even more fun. On days like this I just love my life. And I’m celebrating birthday this year, cause for once, life is meaningful and is worth living.
Fifteen years ago,

I learned that I am the best.



Fourteen years ago,

I learned that I am the best.



Thirteen years ago,

I learned that I am loved and am the best.



Twelve years ago,

I learned that life’s great, I learned that I am loved by friends and teachers, and am the best.



Eleven years ago,

I learned that I am loved by everyone, and am the best.



Ten years ago,

I learned that I am still loved by everyone, and still am the best.



Nine years ago,

I learned nothing.



Eight years ago,

I learned that this world *****.



Seven years ago,

I learned that life’s trash.



Six years ago,

I learned that being confident is a quality that I do not deserve to have.



Five years ago,

I learned that I should stop making a fuss about everything in my life.



Four years ago,

I learned that I should stop hoping or even caring about people around me.



Three years ago,

I learned that I only got me.



Two years ago,

I learned that I.



A year ago,

I learned.
o12o09o2019o
This is one of my most fav babies. The date written is super important for this, so I guess I’ll just lay it here first.


my sweetestly harsh childhood is about to end. im almost done with all tales i got to tell and all stories i need to release out in order to get past this successfully. it was great and it was not. but its my life and i loved it. all things happened are cool. and as i said, somehow i feel that im ready to tell everything. been waiting this long. seems like this is the day that i can finally laugh at every single mistakes ive ever done. cool. cool.

anyway, will continue with my short stories stuff after this and maybe one more piece about self. i sincerely thank everything that got me here, and no matter where i am, i forever will be thankful and grateful for all.
The black wolf never stopped howling
She didn't know what to do
In the moment when everyone's laughing
The wolf was there in the blues

Black fleas keep covering her body
But then the water splashes
The stupid parasites fall off unbelievably
And now she can smile brighter than camera flashes

————

To say, friends are like water
They have always been there
You have it with you whenever
You need it no matter where

Do not always keep me on your mind
Just know you got a home
We'll meet again along the line
But now we got to roam

————

Be like a Phoenix, they say
The Bird of Fantasy
They burn themselves to gray
Rebirth and keep on shortly

Don't ever lose your fire
Whatever color it is
With dreams, burn brighter than lighters
And fly higher than this

————

With love, I have to write
Haven’t gave you much things
May everything in life goes right
And the bad go off bouncing

We might meet up again soon
Or well, maybe no
Just know I wish you best fortune
And hope you are always happy any-and-everywhere you go
So, when I graduated my twelfth grade, my friends gave me stuff while I promised them something the last day we would meet. I wrote this poem (hope I can call this a poem lol) for them all.

Unfortunately, and stupidly, I later thought this was too cheesy and I was too shy to just give them this. I mean, you might see why lol.

It’s been a while now, almost half a year, I still don’t have the courage to give this to my friends as I promised [(._. ) <sry guys).]

But well, it’s been long enough, so I’ll just post this right here and quietly hope they’d see it.

Might as well share this on my FB timeline later, when I can accept how cheesy what I wrote for them is :P

o08o24o2019o
This was my first serious poem. The ones before this were made specifically to be funny. But this was the start of it all. And it’s 2021 and I still haven’t give it to any of my friends lol. Don’t think I would get to send it to anyone ever again.
First time I met her, dimmed and dull my day was
Cool and cold she'd been, so scary I needed a pause
For some reasons to me, she's intimidating
All went on for some time, until we started talking

Minutes to hours, to days, to months
All of the sudden, I realized it all at once
An existence of hers, my day scintillated
Every tomorrow from now on are days anticipated.
Prompt: scintillate (v.) to sparkle, or to dazzle or impress with liveliness or wit

I attempted a one piece a month with the prompts being MW's word of the day last month. I didn't finish it, but got this one.

Also I just realized that aligning left is my default template. It's cool but it kinda gets boring over time. Guess I'll be changing things up some day.
A house is where I find myself in
Any place is great for amazing masker
A house is where I fit myself in
Anything can work for an adapter

Long way from home I have always been
No sorrow, no remorse, just emptiness
Long days and nights it has always been
Not sad or mad, but no happiness

Never realized the hole inside of me
Been trying to live my days to the fullest
Now realized how depressing things be
None of the work I did actually worth it

Be it I'm done from the rushed life
Back home to where I can breathe
Walking slower and having long drive
Back home to where heart can beat

A Farm near Duivendrecht, here I am
Standing alone amongst the nature
The sight of gigantic, green grassland
Where I left behind, before I was mature

To the days I forgot to appreciate
To the windblows I forgot to soak in
To the times I forgot to lie aback laid
To the work I did to forget my pacing

Now at home where I forgot to miss
Now at home where the real heart is
Prompt: Farm near Duivendrecht (c. 1966, oil on canvas) by Piet Mondrian

Other than Thai, French, and English words, I also use Daily Art as my prompt. It was fun.
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