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Alex Rappel Oct 2023
You only touch me when I’m not looking
Stuck in traffic, my eyes on the road
Or when I pretend to be asleep,
Afraid to breathe, to startle you—
You, like a deer in the headlights;
Me, the driver, blinded by the night
It is strange: the touch, the flinch
In the moment of alert and panic
It felt warm like the blood of the dear
Oozing, reaching the car,
To finally meet the driver
Touching me terrifies you to death
And only in death are you brave enough
To reach for me, embrace me
It’s you who flinch now when I look,
Hand quicker than your thoughts
You didn’t hesitate, and I didn’t ask
Lights off now, I get out of the car
But you have run off to where I cannot see you
Been aching to write something after not having been able to for a while, and so this happened. I miss my mother but she is no longer here. She's alive, just no longer the her that I'd go to for comfort. I can count the times she really embraced me with only one hand, and even that is too much to count with.

21 October 2023
Alex Rappel Dec 2022
Today I grieve the loss of an old friend.
She knew how to spin pretty words from
Raw emotions and weave them into worlds.

Today I grieve the loss of myself.
In the process of growing I’ve discovered that
A life without poetry is a life truly miserable.
I have not been able to lift up a pen
And write to my heart’s content.
I have lost the magic since I met
A man who crushed me with his mere existence.
A power once lost cannot return so soon.
It is my biggest fear yet —
I do not know when I will be able to write again.
A heartbreak can do a number on you but I didn’t expect it to steal my words as well. Every time I pick up a pen to write something I feel genuinely ashamed that I’ve lost the ability to tell a story. I hope one day I find it again.

Written 13 December 2022
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
from the moment i opened my eyes
i had no choice but to love you
to cherish you as if one day you would leave me
and start a new family somewhere far away
from the moment i could stand
i had no choice but to run to you
for comfort and love
but father,
tell me,
why don’t i feel loved?
is there something wrong with me?
is there a secret you haven’t told?
that you have never loved me at all
how come you don’t want me?
from the moment i began to think
i could only ask myself the same questions
over and over, father,
tell me,
is it something i’ve done?
is it that i’m the mistake you’ve created?
or how much burden i bring you?
how much i am spending?
but father,
each day i live as if i am no longer human
my needs do not exist because
those of yours are mine
so father,
tell me
when has your love for me finally died?
Written 17 October 2019 immediately after a fight with my dad lol
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
i am a daughter of wind and fire
in the summer when the two clashed
i was born

my mother,
she ignites dry leaves beneath her feet,
providing warmth when night comes
but with too much fury she fuels herself and destroys
and into dust we become if we are one step too close

my father,
the east wind who comforts with air
sweeping us to meet the stars when the fire scorches
but he is also a hurricane if we are not careful
he will perish the trees and the life residing within

my sister,
she is safe with her little bird friends
they will fly her away when the forest starts to burn
she will leave with the gentle winds
they will fly her charcoal body to a near riverbank

myself,
i am safe for i have developed strength
to tolerate the fire and the wind and
the quiet of the fiery requiem,
a lullaby to put life to sleep
at dawn, the ashes learn to fly once more
the trees fall, a kingdom of crimson and gold
and amongst the gray i am risen
a daughter of wind and fire
the product of graying love
of two graying souls:
a wildfire



the forest is a beauty of its own. however, like all things, beauty does not last, although the very concept remains. it resides within our hearts. it is sweet, yes, which is why we choose to linger to it when in reality such beauty simply does not exist. in this poem, a family is illustrated. grim it seems to some, while the poem actually tells of a still-functioning broken family. not all are raised in a garden full of lilies and magnolias. our roots are deep within the rich-brown soil of a gloomy forest where light seldom shines, but we grow just as beautiful nonetheless.
Written on 23 March 2019 as an assignment. The theme was family. Cheesy.
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
she touches me and i am lost
in her hair, her mouth,
her eyes, her skin—
she is quicksand, she is oasis.
she speaks to me and i am allured
her voice lily of the valley,
daring tongue soft and subtle
lethal as i drink her in
no longer can i give anyone else
what i so eagerly give to her
Written on 8 December 2018 in honour of a dear friend of mine
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
you are
the cherry blossom of my days
key lime pie and sunflower
hibiscus and rose petal tea
Written on 21 January 2020
Alex Rappel Aug 2022
my lips burn at the taste of your name
my tongue dry, eyes red
i walk along the pavement in search for
the pieces you’ve left behind
with hopes to put them together somehow
they tell me that you’ve moved
a few weeks ago when i was out of town
at first i didn’t believe them
but i realised you had no reason to stay
i guess it’s best for the both of us
to finally move on
but i’m stuck in this very old picture of us
It's about a man in my maladaptive daydreams *****.

Written on 11 January 2020
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