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I am a plum—
      io sono la tua prugna
and I fit in your palm,
in its tender arch
      upturned, stately
and I curl in its pits
of lines that quake
with the warmth of my weight.

My flesh grazed by your teeth,
      a hymn that carries
across the gleaming sea
and intertwines with the tempest
that soaked your black curls
but not your mouth—
      your mouth dripping
with my plum juice.
I wanted to tell her that I liked her
That I thought she was very pretty and I was happy when we were alone together
But I couldn't
I could never find the right words
I wanted to confess my feelings in an eloquent way, with beautiful words spoken gracefully in a romantic setting
A cathedral with her face stained in glass and my body on a cross
Anything less would be inappropriate
Laughable

She is so strange and gorgeous and bright that speaking to her normally feels surreal
Her presence in my field of vision seems unnatural compared the mundane surrounding
It makes her almost spectral
When I touch her I expect she'll shimmer and disappear and, in a way, leave me feeling relieved

The very fact of her existence terrifies me
If something as beautiful as her can exist, something equally monstrous must also be lurking somewhere, in the dark
A counterweight to her majesty
The possibility is terrifying
And if that monster does exist, I think that, probably,
it's lurking in me
 Jun 2018 Alex Rappel
Mary Oliver
When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
 Feb 2018 Alex Rappel
effy
"My mouth hasn't shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn't stopped thinking about you since, well, before any kiss. And now the prospect of those kisses seems to wind me like when you slip on the stairs and one of the steps hits you in the middle of the back. The notion of them continuing for what is traditionally terrifying forever excites me to an unfamiliar degree."
lord, I ask you—make him good for me,
give him courage; make him mine

and in the meantime, let me dream sweetly
of feverish summers, him and his eyes

please do not deepen my agonies,
do not blacken them

make my agonies of beauty,
silky and sunlit with peonies,
birds singing, my mother laughing

because how will I stand yet another
bad dream about him?

please do not deepen my agonies,
do not blacken them

if you will not give me him, give me beauty
spat out of your mouth, warmed by your hands
I shall love it as if it were a lover
taken from my journal
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