You’re still;
You’ll always be;
A part of me.
The thought of you
hits the spot
like the first time:
warm and easy.
Your home
is in my heart;
custom-made
to fit you
entirely;
still.

Will somebody please break my heart?
I need to create something beautiful and tragic.

I want to write about bones breaking
Bloodless veins dried up after endless nights of tear-soaked pillows
Cold mornings that make you dread ever waking up, mornings that even coffee can't fix

I want to write about the agonizing pain of rejection
Of isolation and desolation
I want to write about the way you (hypothetic lover), effortlessly outshine the stars
And even more effortlessly, outsmart the mess that I am (a messy woman seems more dramatic)

I don't want gardens growing from my skin when you touch me
I want your fingers to create stories and scars I can't undo

I want your anger and your hatred
I need to create something beautiful
So that I can destroy it
So that we can destroy it

Will somebody please break my heart?
I'm running out of disasters to write about.

What if I was funny
What if I wasn't skinny

What if today I didn't think of you

What if my fingers didn't tremble so much
What if my teeth were less crooked
And my laugh was less annoying

What if today I mattered to you

What if everything was the opposite
Of everything
And the sun was brighter at night
And it set in the East

*Would you love me then?

Who cares if it's Monday and it's 2pm
You're on my mind and on my skin
You're gnawing at my bones
Eating through my brain
It's 2pm on a cold Monday
And I miss you.

I want you to be happy.
You deserve the best.

"You’re the best."

Well, maybe I am.
Totally.
But I can’t love you best.
That’s what I’ve been trying to say.

I can’t be there for you
As much
Even if I care for you
As much
Because I don’t want you
Like that
And I don’t see us
As anything else
But
Friends.

You deserve the best
Kind of lovin’
And between you and me,
That’s not happenin’

Your smile
never ceases to shine even when
ominous weather clouds
hover above us relentlessly.

Your presence
Is always warm and comforting,
And never do I feel so safe, so protected than
When I am in your arms.

And everyday,
Every single day,
your love for me
makes me whole.

And then I wake up.

And the cold, hard truth
hits me.

I can only dream of you now.
I can only wish
On all my stars
to have you again.

Because the stars
Have hidden themselves away
And your arms
No longer wrap themselves
Around me.
Because your smile
Still shines as brightly,
but it’s no longer for me.
And I know
that when you see me,
all you see
Is this girl who left you
in pieces.

I want to pick up
All the fragments of
you I left behind
and
make you whole again.

To make me whole again.
If only you would let me…

Your breath
on my neck
but our hands
have never touched.
Your lips
on my lips
but our eyes
haven’t met yet.
You’re in my life
but you’re in hers
too.
This dream
or nightmare
must end.