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 Mar 2016 Dona Biju
Evelyn Culwch
The silver doe stays just in sight
                                    just out of reach

She moves gracefully
as you stumble after
always thinking this time
                              this time
                              this time
you will grab the white tail

that you can reach out and
                                                         touch.

But just as you make it
she bounds away
and you are bound by a tether
of plastic and chrome
blue forest     blending into
blue walls      blending into
blue ceiling   blending into
blue

Maybe next time.
I really hope the formatting stays in place. Fingers crossed.
If I could be in love
I'd hold her close every night
I'd call her and make her smile
Just because that sight would bring happiness to my long dead eyes

I'd accept her flaws
If she was willing to live with mine
I'm not perfect but I'd to my best to prove I'm worth it
Every day and night

Now I've been alone and taken
And happy, and that also means at one point my chest cavity Felt like it was breaking
But my life, is mine and my path is what I'll choose
So all I need is someone to walk with, could it be you
 Mar 2016 Dona Biju
Phim
People leave
It's not a new thing
Not being worth it
Just kinda ***** to have your insecurities confirmed
Like everything bad I ever thought about myself you were thinking too
And eventually you gave up
So why don't I
If so many people give up on me why can’t I
Because...
I don't want to die
Though I beg for it everyday
There's something keeping me a live
There's something keeping the pill bottle closed
And my feet on the ledge
It's my hope
My hope that everything's going to get better
That it'll all be ok
That my life isn't meaningless
But it's hard to believe
That I'm not being deceived
Because if they don't think
That I'm worth something
Then why do I
Isn't it majority rules?
And if I asked them they'd all beg me to live
But why
Why when yesterday they told me I wasn't worth the trouble
Why
people **** what do you do
I live on the precipice
Leaning in over the edge
And I see

All the wonder
All the splendor
That we will achieve

But it is not my place to take us there
To where our potential lies
To undergo the journey

No

I am relegated
Bound by time
To be an observer

Never has it been so ruinous to be alive now
I was not the never-was
I was the never-could
 Mar 2016 Dona Biju
Q
Haze
 Mar 2016 Dona Biju
Q
There's no one who will hurt me in this parking lot
The world is a rushing vertigo of color and sound
I can't quite seem to grasp the anxiety that's so familiar to me
Or even stand up without the distinct feeling of falling down.

Music sends a vibrato tingle through the left hemisphere of my brain
Smells light up the right like a Las Vegas light show
Taste is unnoticed, I'm ravenous, the food is gone before I realize it
Behind my too-heavy eyes is an impossibly beautiful glow.

In this moment I know the world like I know my own mind
I feel my skull expanding, stretching out my consciousness
I can feel the rush of eternity caressing my skin lovingly
I feel my chest depressing, suffocating, and ushering me to death.

Someone is talking; I can't understand the words, can't remember
Nothing matters, right here, right now; everyone rushes too fast
The timbres shiver and crawl up my spine and the meaning is lost
Busybodies, busy lives, busy people, I can't keep track, too relaxed.

I am floating just above the horizon; lonely and satisfied
I am blood-warm and deathly cold, both immortal and finite
My tongue ties and twists itself before I can invite anyone to fly
And rests uselessly under my feet as I sink and soar into the sun's light.
Let my spirit give you life,
Open arms to the light.
Either in fragments or
Pieces in jars,
Open your eyes
Those steaming stars
I promise,
It will beam anew.
In it,
You.
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