Am I your ghost?
Haunting the halls of your mind
Rattling door knobs and banging on windows
Begging to be let in
You are my ghost
Floating around the edges of my heart
Embedded in the carpets of my consciousness
Or am I your demon?
A nuisance and a thorn in your side
Something that just won’t go away
No matter how hard you try
I keep coming back
Torturing and inconveniencing
I see these as words left unsaid
Trying to right a wrong that was done long ago
You see them as something to forget
To Push aside, and try to hide
The worst thought of all
Is you probably see it all as nothing
But a chapter in your past
Already closed
I am no ghost to you
If I was
I’ve evaporated long ago

He looks at you like you’re made of gold, not like a penny forgotten on the ground. Your eyes are more intricately designed than the stars, and they shine twice as bright. You’re now twirling in the kitchen together, and your smile reaches your eyes. You were discarded like day old bread, expired and no longer of use. Left out in the rain without an umbrella. But he strode up to you and gave you his, letting the rain soak him through.  Stolen glances and interlocked hands are now my story. No more sour milk promises and rotten apple compliments. Everything is sincere with you, and you don’t beat around the bush or cut corners. Hope is still my song, but now it’s in a new thing. It’s being loved presently, no more someday he wills. It’s everything on the table honesty, and gentle murmurs. He loves me so completely that I finally feel whole again.

I wish I could crawl out of my own skin
Shed like a snake would and start anew
My darkness interwoven within the rotting flesh now laying on the floor
But no
The darkness is inside of me
So take out each *****
One by one
And then nothing else is left
But the hollowness of my bones
And my aching muscles
Until I am nothing but an empty vessel

Why are we still here?
Scratching and pulling at your skin
Trying to find the answers in your silent stares and unspoken phrases
I am tired of wrestling with it so I just push it aside
Hoping to hide the discontent I feel
And the anger bubbling up inside
Too tired to beg for it anymore
Too ignorant to understand
I am sitting in a waiting room while the clock laughs at me
Mocking my helpless state
Hopeless but still waiting
This is how I will always remain
Even when I am long gone
My bones scattered in that waiting room
Hopeless but still waiting

I am hollow
Yet I am so full
Full of desire
Desire to be
Desire to grow
Desire to become so much more than I already am
To do so much more than I already am doing
I am trapped
In a skin full of anxieties and regrets
Bubbling up to the surface
Drowning out the good
my motivation and drive
Crushed under the weight of my skin’s indifference
I am trapped in a cage
Where I have the key
But no strength to put it in the lock

I crave simpler times
car rides to no where in particular
and you laughing so hard you’re silent
Eerily dark early nights
And the bitter cold prickling my skin
When responsibilities were light
and the only thing I had to worry about
was us being pushed together
Now I’m crumbling under the weight of obligation
Adulthood and anxieties are knocking at my door
But you’re still nowhere to be found

I’m trying to resurrect us with my old feelings
Maybe if I think about the old times enough new times will grow between the cracks
Like plants grasping towards the sky
Between slabs of concrete
I am grasping for you