I don’t like religion
The kind that stokes the fire of someone’s ego
Before it consumes them
Burning away their compassion and common sense
Until they are nothing but hellfire spewing out of their mouth
Fueled by their fear and good intentions
Eyes glazed over and parroting their church leaders
Whose pulpits are built off of the money of their spiritually starved patrons
As they serve deceit on a silver platter
A religion that worships a God who is the embodiment of love
Should not use terror
As their love language

Home doesn’t have to be found
In the familiar four walls that shelter you
A door that closes
And local faces
Small grocery stores
And a one story mall
No
The familiar can be traded for the new
That can be home too
The bright sun twinkling off of the lake
Castles and hotels
And car rides with strangers
Your childhood bedroom will always be there
The creaking floors and carpeted steps of your family home will always be there too
A comfort zone shouldn’t be your final destination
So go
Embrace the familiar newness of it all
Take in the shocking cold of the water as you dive deep into the unknown
You’ve been lukewarm for too long

Blood
Rolling off of your forehead
Obstructing your vision
A burden so heavy
Weighing you down
You faced it all alone
Shaking hands and hair full of dirt
Chains and broken trusts
Utterly desolate
Abandoned and mocked
Beaten and ripped apart
With nothing but possibilities and a ravishing love keeping you alive
Keeping you here
Nailed to that piece of wood

I’m not sure why I wanted her. Strangers that have only communicated through likes and heart eye emojis on Instagram. Private messages and friends of friends. All I knew was I was drawn to her. Maybe I was just lonely and fastened myself onto someone whom I assumed desired me. Maybe it was the honesty in her words and the pain I saw reflected in her eyes that resembled mine. I pictured us walking through art museums, her reaching for my hand nonchalantly. Neck kisses, and silky hair between fingertips. This flicker finally evolved into a flame that would consume me if I did not share it. So I did. Promises of friendship evolved from this exchange after I confessed my feelings. Statements with phrases claiming self improvement and that you were not looking for a relationship popped up on my phone. A light sting filled my heart but at least now you know. And if you ever change your mind, I’ll be here.

I dream of confessions of love
Your face
And your hands on my waist
You are soft in my dreams
Vulnerable
You tell me that it’s all been a farce
That you really love me
And you were scared
Scared of the oceans you feel for me
But I am forced awake
And the darkness in my room laughs
Because we’ve been here before
It knows this story
My brain is my downfall
It’s rosy colored hues
And romanticized ideals
Not talking
Means not wanting
And ignoring
Definitely doesn’t translate to I love you
Life isn’t a romance novel
If he is silent
Listen
And walk away

I’m sorry you had to scrub your skin raw to get rid of any trace of me. I’m sorry that I can’t keep my feelings to myself, and that you can’t stand to hear them. But the truth is your face is on repeat in my mind, and to you I am only an echo of what could have been. Something to be forgotten and pushed aside on account of time and fresh opportunities. I’m sorry I can’t put this down, and just forget about you like you’ve forgotten about me. You’ve left an impression in my mind, and a bruise on my heart that I keep pressing, hoping you’ll somehow feel the same pain and come running.

Am I your ghost?
Haunting the halls of your mind
Rattling door knobs and banging on windows
Begging to be let in
You are my ghost
Floating around the edges of my heart
Embedded in the carpets of my consciousness
Or am I your demon?
A nuisance and a thorn in your side
Something that just won’t go away
No matter how hard you try
I keep coming back
Torturing and inconveniencing
I see these as words left unsaid
Trying to right a wrong that was done long ago
You see them as something to forget
To Push aside, and try to hide
The worst thought of all
Is you probably see it all as nothing
But a chapter in your past
Already closed
I am no ghost to you
If I was
I’ve evaporated long ago