They told me to shoot for the stars, so I did.
And I was so close to reaching that star, but I missed.
Instead of landing on that bright beautiful ball of light, I ended up in a galaxy of darkness.
With no sun to guide my way.
Not knowing what is up and what I'd down.
Just floating through the abyss.
Lost.
"Shoot for the stars" they said...

Could I be more empty than what I am, I 'm a room
within so many buildings of what are now vacant with
vagrants of contested thoughts.

Please don't think because my rooms are empty that
there is nothing in there even though it doesn't
look desolate it is full of lingering shadows of thought.

We fill the hollow vastness of non relative meanings
with nothing but essences of what we lumbered on?
My thoughts are of empty consequences nothing less.

Can you see in the deserted realms of a once awoken
mind, now it is hollow as each room of thought became
depleted of anything but unoccupied stagnant thought.

She stands there letting the water go down her body.
She closes her eyes, listening to the water coming out of the shower head.
She hopes the water will wash away the day.
She cries, she lies and says her eyes are red from soap getting in her eyes.

I just want to feel,
           Something;

So you spent all your life here,
in these walls of virtual reality
Within the confines of sweet sweet fantasy
that holds you dear every moment

The unrelenting love you receive
The security and ease
All bad things at bay
The firewall keeping it away

So you live in your perfect little globe
the place where you control everything
In where you can be someone else
and not care if you hurt anybody else

How long has it been since you got out?
The sun in your skin and wind caressing it
The laughter and sweat you spent playing
The hellos and goodbyes we love giving

The trips to your friends for tea time
Choosing trends in malls with friends
The fun of riding in an attraction in a park
And the pure joy of doing it all...Physically

So while you're at it
Staring into the hollow monitors and screens
Take back what once was you
Hit refresh and do what you want to.

I think of what to write, and I can't quite figure it out. The emotions inside my head go crazy with ideas. I see jumbled up words. Angry, hopeless, pitiful words. But I can't quite piece them together. Story of my life. I'm not a poet. Just a person who has so many things to say and no one to hear me say them. But do I really need to be heard?  I never have been. Story of my life. I can't keep typing, I mean, I could. But what's the point. I want to backspace everything. Throw it all away. Because it doesn't matter. I don't matter.
Story of my life.

I've always been the strong one. When everything goes wrong, I'm always the one that tries to make everyone feel better. No matter what the situation is. I've always been this way. Never let anyone see me cry. They will think I'm weak. I have to be strong. Even as a child. Growing up the way I did was hard. So hard. But I handled it. I stayed strong. Like I always do. Ive always bottled the emotions. Wait until no one is around to let them out.  It's as if my catch frase is "I'm okay." And I always say that because I know that no matter how I feel at the moment, I will be okay. I don't have any other options.  I have to be okay. I always have to be okay. I can't be weak. I can't be fragile. I can't be afraid.  I have to be strong. No matter what. This is how I've lived my entire life. But now... After this... I can't do it anymore. I just cant. I tried so hard to stay strong. But I couldn't fight back the tears. So I ran to be alone. I couldn't let them see what they've done to me. Run. Cry. Even if only for a minute. Then put on the strong face again. Because I can handle anything, right? At least thats what I thought.... It's been days now. I can't keep hiding these feelings. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams. So I wait until everyone is asleep, and take a shower. No one can hear me cry or see my tears under the water.  I don't know what else to do. Im trying so hard to be okay but, I'm just... Not. I'm terrified. I'm angry. I'm crushed. I'm falling apart. I'm not okay.