Channel your energy.
When you are in pain, use that energy to write. Feel the flow from your frustration, your anger, your pain. Feel it move from your thoughts, to your fingers, and watch it appear as letters, as words, as poetry, as art.

I write best when I am in pain.
My mind is screaming but the words are pouring out.
The blank page is my canvas. I fill it with my pain.
I add colour. I add red.
Or, if I am sad,
I add blue.

love is messy
it is not perfect. it is a rollercoaster; a ******* wild ride.

it goes up, up, up and then when you think it can't get any better, it crashes and tumbles and suddenly you're left at 3am crying intertwined between tear stained pillows and crumpled empty bed sheets.

it goes down, down, down and then one hug makes you realise that home is his arms and that hearing his heartbeat is like hearing your favourite song and that a kiss planted on your forehead makes you feel as if heaven truly exists.

don't expect it to be even. don't expect it to be monotone.
it is anything but that. if you want a true love, it will be a wild love.

i sometimes feel as if growing older
has done me more harm than good.

it killed my innocence
my naiveness
my purity
my ability to not think.

but mostly it killed the way my brain could make colours
and the way i saw love
and the way i saw life.

Words being whispered are often far more powerful than words being said.

i like poetry because i can
transform mere words into art
and add eyeblinding colour to dull text
to remind others that they are not alone
and that feelings are feelings
and you are allowed to feel
and that even though the world is big
you are not in any way, small.

We saw many shooting stars that night
And each time I would wish for the same thing.

I wished that you would live a life full of love, happiness and adventure.
That's all I want for you.

And if my wish comes true,
I will be happy, too.

We looked up at the galaxy
And I was connecting the stars in my mind
They scattered the sky like your freckles under your eyes
And I was making pictures whilst feeling the warmth from your hand.

And it was like our souls merged into one
Because I felt you, and you felt alive.
And in that moment, things seemed perfect.
We were untouchable from the rest of this ghastly cruel world.

You asked me if you could be mine forever.
You made me promise.
And I did.

I'll be yours forever.
And if by some chance, this universe denies us of that
Please know I'll be with you in your heart
And you will be in mine.

I'm not one for broken promises.
But you already know that.

I love you. Every piece of you.
Every dark and light thought.

I guess you could call it a contradictory mind.
Emotion and logic
Conflicting parties.
How can I be honest with you if I can't even admit it myself?
When you ask me what is wrong
How can I tell you
When I don't even understand?
When I can't make sense of it all?
My emotions are a code
And logic gives me instructions to decipher
But sometimes the instructions are stained wet with tears and I can't read the blurry words
And sometimes the instructions are scorched black by fire and I can't make sense of this ******* mess
This ******* mess
Called my contradictory mind.

Appreciation.

ever felt claustrophobic in your own mind?
i do.
it's uncomfortable.
it's a fear of restriction, confinement.
it's a fear of being trapped.
and i need to be able to breathe.

I am in a labyrinth in my mind.*

An endless maze, of lefts and rights and turns and corners
It stretches on, and just when I think I have reached the end, I toss myself back in
And it all looks the same
Yet so bizarrely different
I'm trying to find you
And I have such a longing to find you
But yet I know I am so, so lost
And I don't know *how
And I want instructions - where do I go?
Is there a destination I must reach?
Is there a lesson to be learned?
A turning point?
Is time the only factor?
I don't want to be lost.
I want to find you.

Please, let me find you.
I want to find myself.

Unconditional love is possibly one of the rarest things to come across in this ****** up world.
I have found it.
It is in the palm of my hands; I can feel it.
Please don't mess this up.
Please don't throw it away.

One cannot find one's soulmate until one has self-knowledge of oneself.
If you do not know and recognise your own soul, how can you expect to find your soulmate?

your body against mine is one of the purest sensations
and I really can't get enough of you.

Conformity*
It is a brainwashing, ****** up voice in our heads
It is an ugly word, a word that leaves my mouth in disgust
That tells us that we cannot be who we want to be
Because society "tells us so"*

I find it sad how we perceive conformity as a normality, instead of embracing who we really are.
Look at the bigger picture.
You have eyes yet you are blind.

1) Grow up
2) Obey rules
3) Go to school
4) Graduate from school
5) Go to college
6) Get a job
7) Marry
8) Have kids
9) Raise your kids to live the same repeated cycle you did
10) Die.

Because everybody wants to live ordinarily.
Each process inevitably leads you to the next. The cycle goes on and on and on. We are breeding generations that are far worse off than the last. We are destructive humans who live in our own little worlds. We refuse to see the bigger picture because we are trapped
In society's cage.

Congratulations on living the life of a human.

Your soul is beautiful and warm and radiant.
Thank you for being my sun.

I'm used to poison in my mouth
I'm used to the toxicity in the air
I thought it was all I deserved
And I was trapped in the midst of it all
It's strange that I have come across a cool river to wash me away and take me to some place new

And now
Things are easier
Gentler
Natural
Simpler
And I never want to leave this place
I feel free
And finally
Happy.

last night
we got high in your bedroom
and my skin was tingling
and your lips were fire
and your touch like feathers
gently tickling my skin

you asked me
about us
and i was too afraid to answer
because of the wild thoughts in my head
and i know you took my silence
the wrong way
but honestly,
you mean more to me than i thought you would at this point.

i realised that my feelings for you
have done nothing but grow
escalate
and being with you
feels exhilarating
and my high
felt like a dream
and then i
realised
my
dream
was
reality

my reality is you.

your feelings are not dangerous
stop acting like they are.

if you feel love towards him, let it happen
don't try suppress it out of fear;
you're only fooling yourself
*my dear

My head loves you, but my heart loves him.

Find someone who puts you before themselves.
Who encourages you to be true to yourself and embrace yourself.
Because you deserve to be accepted and loved for exactly
Who you are.

I'm so tired of hearing
"You look so hot!" "You look ****." "****, you look gorgeous."

Then they look at you eagerly for a response, and I smile back woodenly but inside it means nothing.
Just words that pass my one ear and fall out the other.
No substance.
Is that how men think they can "get" a girl these days?
You want to know the key to my heart?
Tell me that I make you happy. That I make you laugh. That my smile can't help make you smile. That what I said the other day made you think. That you love my wild side. That you think of me before your eyes close as you're about to fall asleep. That the thought of me makes your stomach feel light.

That's all I want to hear.
And it's all I'll never hear.

The most addictive drug known to man.

The key of being happy is letting go.
Anything that no longer adds to your soul, or makes you grow as a human being.

*Let it go.

How foolish of me
To think that you've changed.
How foolish of me
To even let you in.*

My girl
You can't go back to what broke you.
You deserve so more much than that.

Don't you love yourself?
If you really loved yourself, you wouldn't do this.
Protect your heart from what hurt you.

You are golden, soaring among the stars, with galaxies in your mind and so much warmth in your heart
And you deserve someone
Who appreciates that
Who listens to the words you speak
Who reads the poems you write
Who adores you
For all and everything you are.

Even though you don't know I know
I'm still going to apologise -

I never meant to make you fall for me
I truly didn't
And I would much rather you love her than me
Because she loves you more than I ever will
and
I hope your wounds aren't deep.

I need to find someone I can love
Who loves me so hard
Who isn't you.

And then there's you.
Where to even begin?
I can't explain my own feelings towards you, but hopefully I can write about them.
I hate you.
I hate your cutting words.
I hate how they charm everyone and how you can fool them, like you did so similarly to me.
I hate that you broke me, destroyed me.
Yet I can't help but be thankful for all you've put me through, because I am no longer weak and naive to the world. You've given me a taste of what its like to feel wounded.
I hate that I love you. I might still possibly love you. I didn't love you while I had you, but I loved you more so than ever once I left you.
And why? Why should I even give you my love? You don't deserve it, most definitely not. I should love someone who understands me and loves me for who I am, not someone who never accepted me.

Maybe the reason why I am confused is because I am craving love.
Someone who can make my heart beat faster. Someone who can make my palms sweaty. Someone who can make me smile at the very thought of them.
Because right now, my only memories of that include you.
And that is what keeps on bringing me back to you.
God, I hate you.
I hate how you make me feel.

Life only happens once.
Never take a moment for granted. If there is one thing life has promised us, it is that a moment can never happen again, and memories will only be replayed in our head.
There, kept between the four walls of our mind, can it be safe.

Make happy memories.
Those are all we take with us. Everything else gets left behind.

And only months later have I realised that loving you was the most toxic thing I have ever done.

I like you.
I have for a while now.
And when I met you
It made my heart smile.

To you

I'm not really sure how I'll start this letter, which is a first since you know I love writing them. I'm trying to picture your reaction as you read these words, and I am both relieved and frightened. Relieved, because I finally have what I have been wanting to say for months off my chest. Frightened, because I may be making a grave mistake that I'll surely suffer the consequences of later.

You are like a drug to me. You're not good for me, and I'm not good for you. Yet I keep wanting you, missing you, craving your presence. You still take up about 90% of the thoughts in my mind and I wake up, every morning, thinking about you. I've been doing that for months, and I wonder when I'll stop, and it scares me to know that it may not be for a while.

Is there a reason for this letter? Yes, there is. I need you to know the words I have never told you. If I had to die tomorrow, I can promise you this: I'll die regretting not having told you this. You meant so much to me, and yet somehow you still do. Everywhere I go, you seem to follow me, haunting me like a ghost. And, to be completely frank, I deserve better than you. And I felt like you never appreciated me, but at the same time, it was my fault for not showing you who the true me was. I was always scared, so stupidly scared. I never showed you my true ability to love, and for that I am sorry.

I don't exactly know what I'm asking for you, or if I'm asking for anything at all. But know this - I miss you, and if I could redo our time together, I would.

I hope you have a good life. It hurts me to know I won't be apart of it. But hey, people come and go. That's life. Maybe we will both find someone better.

- Someone who was once your everything x

Call me completely and utterly crazy
But when you just look across the room and meet eyes with someone
You either feel something
Or you don't.

I felt something inside of me that I have never felt before.

Nothing worth having comes easy.

When I see you
It's like time freezes for a little while
I feel my body get rigid and tense
Because the blood coarsing through my veins feels the fire burning with hurt and love and hatred and passion.
I act like everything is fine, but inside.
Inside of me I can feel my heart beating faster as if danger is approaching. I can feel my hands sweat and my back stiffen.
I want to speak to you
But I know I'll never say the words I want to say.
And why should I, anyway?
Whats the point?
You don't love me anyway. You never did.

You know what I can't understand? When people see hardships in life as a struggle and blame other people or God for their problems. If anything, be grateful for your time of difficulty. Say thank you with a smile on your face and then sit it out and focus on improving yourself. In the end, you'll only come out stronger and a better person than you were before.

It's painful that we have to go through hurt in order to undergo change. But it is necessary - and that is often forgotten. We all need to change and the only way we can do that is if we do something out of our comfort zones. If we don't change, we cannot grow. And growth is one of the most crucial parts of life.

I firmly believe happiness is a choice. No matter what situation, we have the power to make it a good or bad one.

It's all a decision that we make. The way we choose to perceive a situation can determine the entire outcome.

The one thing I regret with you is not being open enough.
I never told you how much you truly meant to me, how much your touch affected me, how much your kisses burned me.

I never told you that I had fallen for you since the beginning, when we first began talking.

I never told you how the thought of you can bring a smile to my face or send shivers down my spine.

I never told you that I had dreams of you being mine, months before we were even together.

I never told you that I had cried over you because you told me you liked her and not me.

I never told you that I was in love with you because I was scared of what you would say.

And now that I can never tell you these things, I've realised how much I really should have told you.

Love is the best actor; it's always pretending.