I've tried
How I've tried
You pretend to know me,
Think you can see through every little lie,
Every little insignificant detail I provided about myself,
Who I was,
How I was

I try
I open my mouth but the words I wanna say
Get stuck
Probably behind these ****-ugly buck teeth of mine
So large as to block and distort
What I wanna say

I tried explaining
But once again the words evade me
Leaving me tongue tied, helpless, blind
OH HOW I'VE TRIED!
Like when I promised I wouldn't cut again
And the next day
I did it anyway
I was guilty as **** but...

I tried explaining
I tried to tell you I had an addiction,
The cigarette of the steel
The LSD of that smooth handle
The speed of that burning sensation in my arm
As it opens up to someone who can't stop himself
He's shaking as he does it, silent, words evade him
Screams evade him
And so too do friends when he fails to say
He TRIED!

You don't think he suffers enough?
You don't think keeping this promise is tough?
My mind is saying NO but only the part I control
And it's a scientific fact that you control
Only a small portion of your brain
It's not always in control
It's no override
It's no easy way out
IT'S NOT EASY

The words he wants to scream
The words he wants to shout
People look at him, disappointed when he says
What he has done,
The sin that is bad habit
Like he can ******* CHOOSE
To be depressed at this ****-awful WORLD
That constantly SUPPRESSES him,
Kicks him into the gutter
And proceeds to STOMP HIM
INTO THE MOTHER ******* DIRT
LAUGHING
MOCKING
TELLING HIM HE'S WORTHLESS
SO HE HEARS IT IN EVERY TINY LITTLE MISTAKE HE MAKES
"Oh, you didn't do this right" translates to
"YOU'RE NOT RIGHT! YOU'RE WRONG! SO ******* WRONG!"
"Can you please do this again" becomes
"YOU ****** UP MAJOR, SON, AND I'M DISAPPOINTED!"

If there's one thing I hate it's causing disappointment
If there's one thing I hate it's frowns
It's anger
It's hostility when all I ever tried to do
WAS TO MAKE YOU ******* SMILE!

I told you I tried
I tried so ******* hard
I broke my back for you
I took twice the load
I never told anyone else
Because nobody else would care

All they ever did was stomp me into the gutter
And so I turned to the one thing that gave me pleasure
This ****** addiction
Where self-harm is okay
Everyone else harms me
So surely it's okay to do it to myself

See I'm so self destructive
Hurt anyone one that comes near
Love is still one of my fears
Gathered up so many tears
Told myself I would change
And I started to grow
Feel like this time around, I'm not the one who's at fault
How can you be so in love? Then suddenly become distant strangers
To mend a heart is so much trouble
That's broken, torn and mangled
I swore that things would be different
You and I in a position
I tried to get you to talk
Impossible for you to listen
The writing all on the walls
Break up hyroglifics
Two people who've become distant
A lot of pushing and resistance
Our souls didn't mesh well - why do we keep trying to mix it?
I'm walking away
You're screaming out loud
No one wants to say sorry because their pride is too proud
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

You deepen more of my sickness
Just stared at me like a witness
You stretched out my demons
Put me through hell's fitness
I swore you were the cure
I finally healed when you left
Could never breath around you
I finally caught my breath.
I'm not opposed to love  
I'm opposed to deception
But what I've learned in this life
The last one is your most valuable lesson
You can learn from the past
Or get stuck and stay lost
Too many fish in the sea to not reel up and re toss
These days I'm slowly overthinking
At times you may cross my mind
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

I thank you for showing me something
That I didn't see back then
Don't need a response from you
Don't care to even be friends
I'm just liberating my mind, finally releasing my heart
Having full faith in myself and let time play its part
You've turned me into a brother - mama said she has a better son
Sometimes we forget to see all the good
that comes out of each outcome.
I found purity in someone else
I promise not to push her away
Because unlike the past
She sees a future with me
Learned to swallow my pride
Stop looking back at my mistakes
Realize it wasn't truly love
Just two people who made a mistake
But I can't help to wonder...
Always be a feeling inside...
How come it never worked?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die

~¥€€¥~