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a sparkle in your eye
a baby girl's cry

how's she going to spend
the rest of her life?

reaching for perfection
fixing her complexion
and sense of direction

dodging
society's inspections

her father's aggression
her mother's traditional-housewife obsession

trying to escape their
suffocating protection

became an adult
run away across the country
for a new angle of reflection

trying to forget
trying to have no recollection
of their projections
on her own perceptions

learn who she is
over and over again

question question question

she's spending time making
connections between
the past and the present
02.15-17.2018
 Sep 2018 Disa Pradwika
Noone
I know my texts don't excite you anymore,
But you are polite enough to reply it anyway
And if I call you, you'll receive it too
But I know you cringe when you hear my voice
Just for the night , you needed me
Just for that one night
The night's already over
But I m not over you yet

I remember everything, so clearly in my head
How beautifully you sang, & I sang along with you
How you made me laugh, laugh & laugh so hard
How you held my hands & we tried to dance
How your lips blew life to my cold and dry spirit
How the butterflies in my stomach fluttered
How my cheeks turned crimson and I looked away
But you kept on staring at me
Like  you wanted to fall in love...

I did not undress my body that night,
I undressed my soul
I put it right in front you
Just in its purest form
I let you see me,
See all my imperfections
I told you all my fears,
The secrets I hid inside,
I thought this is it,
This is what I had been looking for,
My soul was happy
And thought it had found "THE ONE"

Little did I know, it was only for the night
Just for that one night
So tell me who do I blame?
Blame you for setting up my hopes high
Or blame me for believing the truth like lie
Or should I just blame the night?
The night for lasting just awhile.......
I am saddened yet happy.
I hear demons wail,
I see monsters under the bed,
but
I want to rid the monsters in my head.

I am saddened yet happy.
I pretend to smile when things go wrong,
I feel like a kid in a fake, sad song.

I touch the rain, in hopes to see the sky.
I worry about my pain, I don’t want to die.

I cry when people leave, only fond memories in my head.

I am saddened yet happy.
I understand there’s no cure.
I say “go for everything”..
even if you’re not sure.

I dream of a life, something better to do.
I try to fix myself to benefit me and you.
I hope one day it leaves, the sadness that I feel.

I am saddened yet happy
(and that’s just my deal.)
O.K
 Sep 2018 Disa Pradwika
Alias
Space
 Sep 2018 Disa Pradwika
Alias
You tell me
You need space,
As if I'm the lonely vacuum,
And you're an astronaut
Without a helmet.

Simply put,
You wish to be away
You want to breathe.
But honey,
You are already the sun.
And I, Pluto.

You've pushed me so far away
Yet I revolve around you
Just the same
I beg of you
Let me in again.
Dont send me away
I cant stand another orbit apart.

You give me Life.
They’ve said
If you write down
your problems
they might disappear ,
Wishful thinking
I tell you.
She writes
no one noticed
She screams
no one heard
She’s drowning
in herself
no one notice
her struggles
she feels like
she doesn’t belong
not a thing going her way
not a **** thing
She’s too full of life
too half live
She’s too full of love
to be half loved
Her heart fighting a raw pain
no one understand
no one even care to notice...
She’s an entire earthquake
confined in her own prison
of her skins
bones as bars
pretty flesh planted feet
waiting for someone to notice
the soil beneath her feet
is breaking...
Pretty face
so perfect in every way
yet no one notice
the sky above her head
is falling
no exit doors
nowhere to run
she can no longer hide
her pieces are falling
into darkness
though the lights are bright
within the dark roads
of a beautiful soul


Can you See her now ?
TIME TO SAVE THE WORLD!
 Sep 2018 Disa Pradwika
Ayesha
Mom… I still can’t believe that you’re gone. As I sit in my office chair and stare.. I can’t even express my pain, I don’t even know where to begin. Everything feels so within – yes I know it was your time to spread your wings and fly; but yet at night I lay in bed and I cry & I find it so hard to breath, wishing I could stand up tall through this all.

This world is just not enough, I still feel so empty and lost… Your presence is no longer by myside – all I feel is summer wind blowing through my life.

I can still picture the day you left me & the sound of your last breath – a day that will forever live within me. You left so peaceful, I can still feel the smoothness of your fingertips.. Oh Mom… I can feel your last kisses.
As I walk, everywhere I go I still talk to you when I’m walking in the road. I might look like a fool but I know you up there listening to every word I say without a stutter in my mutter.

There is so much more that I’m longing to say but I think I’m going to leave that for another day. With tears in my eyes I long for you my darling Mother that was always by my side.

My darling Mother❤️
left my phone unlocked
on the taxi’s back seat,
won't be the last time

called it a few times
finally, the driver picked up

he had a fare immediately after mine,
and was now headed way downtown,
and would call later
when fate returned him nearer my office

and so it came to pass,
very shortly thereafter,

we met on the street,
he rolled down  the window
and with the greatest smile of pleasure,
as if he had won the lottery
beaming,
handed me my phone

I had two $20's to cover any expense he might have incurred,
neatly folded in my hand  
and offered it right up, right away;
but the driver repeatedly pushed my hand away
as I insisted,
saying:

"No sir, no no, not necessary!

Allah sent me a fare
that took me soon back close to you, so,
  no loss of time did I suffer,
so your offer is kindly unnecessary!"


to which I replied,

"exactly!
Allah sent you to me
so I could reward you!"


and with an equally, beaming smile I continued,

"our ride and meeting today,
together was pre-ordained it was


Inshallah!" ^

something he could not dispute...
or my knowledge thereof and it’s
proper pronouncement,
nor
his amazement,
to disguise!

  we parted ways
   each believing,
   each receiving,
a heavenly check plus,
each, credited with a mitzvah^^
on our
respective trip logs,
our humanly divine balance sheets,
kept by the
single
supreme taxi dispatcher
Arabic for ^"God/Allah willing" or "if God/Allah wills," frequently spoken by a Muslim


^^a meritorious or charitable act in the Jewish tradition

FYI,
NYC taxi cab drivers are suffering economically by the explosion of ride hailing app cars, many unable to pay their bills, earn a living, have committed suicide over the past few months
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sixth-new-york-city-cab-driver-dies-suicide-after-struggling-n883886

true story, poetry is there for the taking
 Sep 2018 Disa Pradwika
Virtuous
Don't tell me I'm pretty
Tell me that I'm passionate
That I have drive
Tell me that I make you laugh
That I know how to make your day better
Don't tell me I seem nice
Tell me that I'm kind and compassionate
Tell me that I'm not afraid to dream and to dream big
Don't tell me I'm perfect
Tell me the you love me despite my flaws
That you want to spend the rest of your life with me
Don't tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me that you'll be faithful and forever true
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