let’s both play a game of truth, you can tell me lies
and i won’t know because i can’t look you in the eyes

suicide is dangerous
because i will die alone
so please just shoot me in the head and hold my hand before i go

and i hope i rot in hell
and i hope i rot in jail
and i hope my death is celebrated
and let’s go back to the hotel

i can crumble in the bathroom
drink wine that’s mixed with ****
and i wanna hear you in the bedroom
so i can remind myself that nobody will miss me.

i hope i rot in hell
i hope i rot in jail

these thoughts that i have are enough
to excuse my ****** in the court
please just say it was self defense
please make it make sense.

i found my faith in you,
in your eyes and your words and your mind and every little piece of you, it had my faith in it
this was a different kind of worship
in which the familiar feeling of intertwining our fingers and looking out on the town we grew up on, the very same town we were so scared of

if i could trace back my steps i would
i would go backwards just for you but we haven't figured out how to do that yet
i would give you the moon, the stars
the sun and the earth
(on well-met conditions)
i would have given you anything you asked for
and you knew that, didn't you

now i see my faith long gone in someone who isn't you,
because the familiar tilt in your half-smile is gone and the creases under your eyes are much darker than you would allow
i try and ask you where it's gone but the voice that comes out isn't the one that told me it loved me.

so i think i'm losing my faith, and when it's all gone, what will i have left but the husk of what you used to be?

it's covered with a sheath,
perhaps for safety,
but i leave that on the counter.

me and him, we have a routine
he's always in the drawer
and i'm always reaching for him.

i pop open the bandaid box
stick a few in my pockets
make sure everyone is sound asleep
then take refuge in the bathroom.

it's a dull pain,
each swing and pull makes pain shoot up my leg
but it feels nice.
even though i know i should stop
something's pulling me in.

there's blood on the knife,
on the toilet paper
on my hands, under my nails
i can barely see the first cut.

sometimes, i wish i could do this forever.

you always think i'm lying
even though the truth serum
that you gave me,
(in the form of forcing myself out of my body)
has been administered in such a large dose
that it's seeping out of my eyes

there's a bright light shining in my eye
and i have taken the multiple blows from your words
some of which still leave imprints.

i tell you that i want to leave
that i want him to pack up and take me with him
because maybe then i can find some peace
in the ever turning turmoil that haunts my mind.

you just say,
"i don't care."

maybe you're too busy playing the victim
to watch me claw at my face in an attempt to get out.

i can see you,
while i'm on my deserted island
you're on a makeshift wooden boat
waving to me, yelling at me

and i hope the wood creaks
and breaks
and your boat sinks.

i burnt all my bridges in fear of you
but you,
in your sick sense of determination,
took the plunge.

now you stand on the beach barefoot
your dyed green hair looks like seaweed
and your smile is deafening.

'i want you gone,' i say
but you twist it and hear
'i love you.'

i want to do something drastic
to prove you wrong.

i do not love you,
i have never loved you,
and if you'd please watch me sink
to the bottom of the ocean,
it  would be nice
to hear a goodbye.

my mouth is growing thorns
while my head holds flowers that wilt
and my back bends its spine in unfathomable ways yet-
it does not break.

there’s a evil growing inside me
it twists and turns and mauls my body into bits
while on the outside all is fine
chaos hidden in what should be perfect.

i cannot move or breathe
or even think about the pain
else i succumb and my body decays.

it’s living through me and it knows nothing of mercy
feeds off of my pain
and i fear with each day
it might be growing stronger.

i yearn for the days that this parasite did not infect me
when i could move freely, sleep peacefully
now i am a stranger to my own body,
a shell of disease.

oh, how the songbird sings
in return for a little favor
it’ll sing you a sweet symphony
to forget your sorrows
whatever troubles you have taken
will be washed away by musical notes
a ballad of love, life and death
tap your feet to the rhythm
although this story is not new
in fact, it is about you
and the songbird sings sweetly
your greatest desires
your fears, emotions
troubles and perils
and it’ll sing your future
and when the song ends
just remember,
your time is almost up.