I hope
I hope
I hope
for you to look at me
but when you do
I can't get myself to meet
your gaze,
too afraid of melting under it.

Teach me how to love.**
it seems like my heart got frozen,
unable to recall how to.
it’s been ages
since I last loved someone.
someone who failed me;
someone who just let me down.

      Teach me how to believe again
forever, dreams and wishes.
I know I used to believe in such.
until someone came
and slap me with bitter reality.
what a chaotic world we live in.
seems like happiness
only exist in movies,
books and fairy tales.

      Teach me how to be sweet.
I know I always appear cold and heartless.
it’s not that I’m happy hurting others
through the way I treat them.
it’s not my intention, it never was.
but I can’t help it,
I don’t want to show that I care,
I don’t want to exert much effort.
I feel like it’s just a waste of time.

      Teach me how to live.
everyday I woke up
not knowing why do I still do.
I exist, I am surviving daily,
but I’m not living.
I feel so lifeless.
a walking and breathing corpse.
why am I still alive?
to whom do I breathe for?

teach me how to trust,
how to care, how to comfort
teach me how to be me.
I never thought someone could destroy me this much,
without even me noticing it.
I wonder if I could afford letting love in again,
if I could let someone enter my life again.
I’m wrapped with too much fear.
too afraid that history might repeat itself
— or maybe even worse.

I'm going to try and stop.
Must find a new way to release my pain.
...

I did it again.
{The bad thing}
Turning my pain
into liquid once again.
...
I felt at ease,
As I wrote on the wall,
In blood it read.
...
{I want to turn my pain into liquid}
it's only a matter of time,
Before the poor soul,
finds my message.
...
{On the bathroom wall}