I'm half transgender, I'm half gay. I don't know how my body feels that way. The government screams and shouts bill C-6 will make it all right.  I don't really know what its all about.
If your ok then I'm ok with it. Mom and dad are definitely not ok. Thank god my grandparents are dead.

I walk along the darkened streets and think to myself why are there no stars above where have they have gone. I look around and something makes me see different shapes.

A giant ship is floating across the skies where is it going I need to know I need to follow it so here I go again


Memories of the times gone by is filling my head with the thoughts of people that fell far behind, never seeing what was here on earth.

I listen to the silence of my mind burning deep inside me as I would wonder was it really worth the time I gave.


It's been a million years since I last heard the ancient sounds, I don't remember what it sounded like, but I recall it being very calm.

You used to say that everything will come to an end eventually it felt so somber, but I finally understand it now.


The wind wanders in and takes me far beyond the shores of everlasting calm and lasting life and soothes me back to sleep so I can

Venture out again into the darkness of my mind and reclaim all the ones that lost their way so very very long ago.

I like to sit and thank God, for days like this. For this is the day, not so many years ago he granted me the gift of you and the time.
Blessed, I must be. For the days I'm sure my whole world is falling apart. For when I have happy and exciting things to share: Is then I realize God really does care. Because he placed you so close there. Seemingly, sometimes, for me alone.
Though I surely know, not for me alone. As your friends and loved ones number many, new and old. And your enemies are but few if any. Rich are those who have known you. If only for a short time. Poor are the ones who never took the time.
And when we two gather together, it's as if it is only you and I. Tucked away from all the world, while time stands still For us to share our dreams, hopes and tears. Blessed we must surely be, you and I.
When our time is over and the clock continues, its endless ticking. While my daily world spins around me, and I feel I'm drowning. I know God loves me, I'm surely Blessed. For I need only to sit and turn the clock of time back. To find you there, to reminisce on our time, of days gone by.
And in my time of reminiscence, I find the shelter of, Love, peace and freedom, while all about me is in a turmoil. It replenishes my soul with the strength to carry on.
So on days like this. I like to sit and thank God. For his miracles. He has given me so many. But on this day, I thank him especially for: You and the time.
Love Always Bren.

I was tired of living in the dark. The sun on my skin leaves its mark.
I was tired of leading a double life so I said good bye to Sarana and went Home to my wife.

She took me back without hesitation and no verbal *******. Serana always temps me to the dark side.
I am sorry Serana I will have to let it slide.

The kids are doing well but they do not attend school why do they take me for a fool.

My wife Camila is walking backwards its a glitch in the game that annoys me ever after.

I can start a new game, I mean and leave Camila and the  Children maybe it will be the same.

I choose a new wife and kids.
Or maybe I'll wind up in the skids.

Naked; her statuesque form glistened in the moonlight. She was ebony, buxom, beautiful, and a prize specimen. She waited for her lover's arrival. After an eternity, she saw him through the corner of her eye. She watched his long, lithe frame move effortlessly as he approached. With trepidation he came closer. His body tensed, a dark silhouette against the fading light. She realized he was young and quite inexperienced. She would have to help him in his quest. This did not trouble her, as he seemed perfect for her desires. She moved closer staring into his fiery eyes. They touched. Electricity coursed thought jagged nerves. He was eager to please and this pleased her. He touched the sleek smoothness of her. She became brazen and wanton. She submitted completely to let him have his way with her. He groped with his maleness to reach his ultimate goal and most comfortable position.  She aided and abetted him to find his way to nirvana. She enveloped him to her extreme ****** escalation. She writhed in ecstasy. All too soon for both of them they reached the thrilling ****** of their passion. His love spent. He rolled over exhausted. She had bitten him lustfully during the *******. His eyes bulged. His heart pounded. The venom took effect. He shook violently and spastically. He then became quite stiff and still. With the warmth of new life dwelling with in her, the black widow spider devoured her mate.

There once was a lovely little gosling named Julia.
She went around gathering traits.
When she grew up she fell in love with Xponis, the powerful goose. He would lead a journey south.
No two geese are alike. So I pulled out my looking glass and took a look. It's true.
The geese did a thing called drafting. This does not mean they stop for a draught on the way south. It means flying slightly behind and to the flank to take advantage of the draft from the goose in front. It makes for easier flight.
Bang! It's over.
To prepare the goose, Margaret, the chef, takes over.

Tom was strung out. He was going to the coast for a two week holiday. He handed me the keys to By Ourselves, the drop in centre for psychiatric patients, and said, "Guard these with your life!" The place had to be protected from the Reality Police.
Ten days passed. I was walking late at night. I wasn't too sure of the time. I hate time. It went too slow when I paid attention. Couldn't sleep. Time to get up.
Sort of wandering aimlessly, hoping I would make it. Make what? Make it through the night without freezing. Make it to the light of a brand new day when the sun would shine? Would I see the sun again?
Would I make it to the other side of the bridge I was walking on?
As kids, my brother and I had walked across an old foot bridge and played a game. As soon as we reached the highest point of the bridge, we had ten seconds, by counting, to reach the pavement. If we didn't make it, the old troll that lived under the bridge would get us. That old troll never got either one of us, but I was scared as hell of him.
Thank God, I make it! On the other side of the traffic bridge I walked through a red light. No cars No other sign of life.
The park entrance was a block away. Car lights from the far side of the bridge. He was coming fast. I felt the relative safety of crossing the median. The car speed past, and through an open window a voice yelled, "We're going to get you!" the car carried on. but the hideous laughter of the occupants echoed in my ears. Thank God, they didn't turn into the park. I walked in to the park and was lost in the winter wonderland **** frost and fog. It was relatively warm - no wind. I wasn't going to freeze that night. The Christmas lights were gorgeous.
There was no other sign of life save for the steamy car windows. Parked. Avoid them! Do not disturb their tranquility. Don't even look at the car again.
I was taken back to a night years ago. My girl, at the time, and I were parked in the same spot. We made steamy love then.
When I had passed the car, a window rolled down. A girl was freaking out.  And a guy yelled, "Take off you pervert!"
I cut over to the museum. The spot lights shone on the carved figures of animals. I was mesmerized. They were so peaceful, so free.
At once, a wolf jumped out from the figures. Mouth agape, growling and drooling as if it was under attack or about to attack.
I scrambled to the corner of the building, ducked around the corner and flattened myself against the far side of the wall.
Chest heaving, I waited for what seemed a life time. Not moving a muscle I tried to gulp my breath. I tried to hide - not to escape. I waited.
I noticed and unlit spotlight. I couldn't see the stone figures at the top of the building. For some reason, I was calm. I said a silent prayer and foolishly tested the power of God by kicking the dark spotlight. Instantly, it lit up.
Bathed in the warm light, I turned to look up at the figures. A firm wooden shaft with a sharp point sliced through my chest and stopped halfway through my body.
I saw the fish in the sea and a man walking on the water. The figure of a cross was thrown by my shadow in the spotlight.
I reached inside the hole in the lining of my coat for the keys to the drop in centre, the keys to the files and the desk that contained our membership list.
The Reality Police were after our membership list. They coud then eliminate the bed genes within all our members which could be passed on to future generations.
With my last ounce of energy, I threw the keys as hard as I could. A tiny fish within the stone fresco swallowed them.

Listen to me when I say I am sad
Don't look at the TV when I am talking to you

My feet a sore they need a massage
don't ignore me when I am talking

I need to watch my shows on TV
don't talk when I am listening to my shows
that is so annoying

Look at my hair and tell me
what you think

Delete that photo of me
I didn't look good that day

So we are all born into this world and we have arrived by luck.
You were once an egg, of many eggs  in the past.

You were once a ***** of millions of others but for some strange reason.
you won the race and fertilized the egg.

We all arrive here by a a slim margin. We arrive with very little thought of who we are.

We soon realize we are loved. We explore, and every day we experience our surroundings with our eyes our nose and our touch.

We breathe, we eat we *** and ****.
This cycle will be repeated until our death.
Our inner functions are a mystery to us until they start to fail.

In the beginning you will need an assistant, but not for the breathing.
You could never survive without the assistant. Because they want you alive.

You have arrived. That is what is most important, just think of the others who have not. If I could take a vacation and visit all that have not arrived it would never return from the eternal flame.

We breathe we think we **** we ***. Things do not ever change. We control we hurt we submit we plea.
It never ends.
When will it ever end. Can I decline I am tired now. Things are in decline. I wish to decease from the human race. I cry out now yes now.

I watch you on the internet not really knowing how.

Your stupid videos  are not what I allow.



Bare necessities.

He was 42 years old and had not figured it out
The lad was only six and had a better understanding
of what was right from wrong.

The lad found the gun and thought it was a toy
The man said put the gun down and don't make me pay.

It was a hot day in July without warning
no one cared that there was a loss of life
They just watched the flashing lights and listend to the sirens

On that day a life ended
it ended because no one listened when the hammer came down.

https://youtu.be/SmqtPaMMVuY
At my age marijuana, it would do more harm to me than good. Smoking it would destroy my lungs. The laziness it creates would destroy my wealth. I would fail to be creative any more and would never post any more intelligent videos on YT. I could never travel or visit other country's. This man that claims he will go down in history as the first person in Canada to buy legal Marijuana is clueless. He was born on the Rock (NF) he will die on the Rock. He will never travel or learn of any other country but his own tiny little back yard. This is sad for Canada that we have embraced this. Now there are fears that (THC) candy will be ingested by children.

There once was a boy...

There once was a boy named Matthew. When he was little he walked out of his house and into the woods and no one ever saw him again. After he left his house he traveled the world he stowed away in cargo hulls of ships and snuck onto planes, when anyone caught him  and asked where his parents were he would say "Right behind you!" and run away. Then there was a war. World war III to be exact. During this war he would try to get close to the battles to watch the soldiers fight. The world had been divided between two super maces, the Gatacon and the Nireh. The Gatacon had the technology but the Nireh had numbers. Today was special for Matthew because the Gatacon had begun hiring soldiers from the age of 15 and up, to increase their numbers and Matthew had just turned 15 yesterday. He walked into the registration office and presented his certificate of qualification to the officer. "A little young to be joining the army ain't cha lad," said the officer "Old enough as far as you're concerned I  replied". Matthew, "you'll get you're uniform at the front desk then proceed down to the
sub-basement for mission briefings" said the officer," don't we get any special training" questioned Matthew." "You've got no time for that now do as I said" ordered the officer. Matthew hurried to the front desk and down to the sub-basement eager to learn about his first mission. Once there he sat down next to a frail looking girl as the mission commander began to speak "I'm glad to see
a large turnout" spoke the officer" but I've got no time for idle chit chat, you will be shipped out on an s-18 aircraft where you will parachute down to the battlefield below. You're job is to set up a defense post. We have a base camp nearby and we need something to prevent night raids so you will be on guard 24-7". The group of 37 (Matthew counted) headed up to the airlift on the roof of the complex where they where quickly escorted onto a helicopter like plane. As they entered they saw that they each had a designated
spot with a parachute and a 67cm arrow pulse cannon. No one spoke as the plane began to rise and slowly zoom away from the complex. They were a good 2 hours into the plane ride when the pilot came on the intercom and gave orders to parachute in 60 seconds, Matthew quickly strapped on his parachute and headed towards the door, the others appeared to hesitant to go first. He was about to jump when he heard a large commotion from inside the ship and before he knew it he had been
catapulted from the planes door and was plummeting to the ground below. He pulled the cord and gazed downwards, he was way off target and was headed
straight towards the base camp. He was prepared for a long walk though. He heard another clang and gazed upwards to see if anyone else had fallen. The plane was moving fairly jerkily and he wondered what was wrong, then he realized it the
plane was being fired upon by the Nireh he gazed downwards and saw a small group of them firing at it he looked upwards just in time to see it explode, pieces of debree were hurling towards him he reached for his gun in hopes he could blast it out of the sky but it was too late then suddenly everything went black. Hours later he awoke in what appeared to be a first aid tent, there was a searing pain in his right hand he gazed downwards and found that his clothes were covered in blood, he checked his body for cuts but there were none, it must have been the blood of his comrades from the ship he gazed at his right hand witch was covered in red bandages. A few minutes later a man that looked like a doctor walked in" Quite an accident your crew had Matthew lucky you got out of it alive, your right hand was torn from your arm so we replaced it with an electronic one, it will hurt for a while but soon it will be as good as new. You were also covered in radioactive waste from the plane's battery so we gave you an experimental vaccine for neuclear poisining and it appears to be working its good too because if this war comes to neuclear bombs you can't get poisoned" chirped the doctor.

"Can I get some new clothes" wheezed Matthew," sure, and since your crew was wiped out you will be stationed he for the remainder of the war". For the next few days Matthew worked around the camp and helped wherever he could. Then devastating news came. The Gattacon had developed a neuclear weapon with devastating power. It was being shipped across the ocean when a Nireh attack plane sunk the vessel it was on. Already reports had come in of dead sealife washing up on shores. Within a few months
Matthew was all alone, the bomb had contaminated the world and Matthew was alive because of an experimental vaccine, but Matthew was used to being alone so everything turned out just fine.

The End.

Curwen loved that machine. For that is all the VLT was, just a machine. What he didn't realize or probably didn't care about , was the fact that the VLT was linked to a master computer in Saskatoon. The payoff for the machine was miserably low for a game of chance. The fact was the machine took in much more than it ever paid out. The odds of winning were such that it was not, nor ever would be, a paying proposition.
However, Curwen's attitude was that he loved his machine. He even gave the VLT a female name. He called it Margie after one of his lost loves.
Every dollar of his Social Services stipen went to feed Margie. He would panhandle or borrow and run to Margie and spend some time with her. She had a certain excitement for him. The very times, gambling his last dollar, the VLT would take all his money.
In the month of December Curwen got his Social Services cheque, cashed it and went to spend some time gambling. The anticipation of spending some time, a good time, a long time with Margie obsessed him. He would take the rent money, the food money, and his family's Christmas presents and give it to Margie and see what she would give him in return. Maybe he could buy his family some expensive Christmas presents for a change. The VLT scorned him, mocked him, and took all of his money. December 1 at 4:30 he was broke. He had gambled his whole cheque. My God, what had he done? What had she done?
He went back to his apartment feeling numb. What could he do? He phoned several friends to borrow money.  Everyone knew Curwen had a gambling problem. They were either too poor or had heard the same sob story several times before. So Curwen was broke and nobody would help him.
Moments later, there was a knock at his door. It was the landlord. He wanted the rent. At Curwen's sob story the landlord told him he would be evicted. Curwen was homeless, no food, and no Christmas Presents for his loved ones.
He would seek revenge. He would fix Margie once and for all for giving him such misery. He would not let her ruin another life.
After a sleepless night, the next morning he walked into the hotel bar where the VLT was, with a hammer hid under his coat. She was unoccupied, her screen beckoned alluringly. Curwen stood in front of her and took out the hammer. "You *****!" he screamed smashing the screen again and again.
The crowd looked up from their drinks as if they knew this was going to happen someday.
The hotel bouncer came running and grabbed the hammer. Curwen was subdued with his face pressed into the filthy rug of the hotel bar room floor.
Curwen was charged with destroying hotel and government property. At his trial Curwen said, "I'm glad I did it. I killed her before she actually killed someone else."
Curwen spent Christmas in jail. For what - justifiable homicide - two years less a day.

David George and some call me Huggy bear.

I have been a way for a long while. I missed my home. I missed the people here.

I missed the way to talk, to blog.

I wish I had a camera. Maybe it is better that I don't. I look older now.

I have taken off for easier things , like FB. No stress, just family mostly.

As you mostly know , I have been mostly healthy and out playing sports like tennis and hockey and ***. Well not so much *** but mostly tennis.

I wake up a 10 and I have a great selection of daily activities.

Lately I have been organizing a VRR video recording room. I need to get it finished for the beginning of 2018 but it looks like it will be closer to the middle of 2018. Closet project got in the way.

I found a new friend on FB. She accepted my friend request which makes me happy. I go to her FB page and see her posts which makes me happy.

On Wednesday  we have to go to the hospital for my wife's colonoscopy but I am not looking forward to that.   I have vitalago but it does not hurt. Only when I was a child and kids would tease me about my freaky looking skin.  They would say hurtful things like. You have a skin problem, or you didn't eat your vegetables or call me "burn victim".

My wife is concerned about my drinking. She thinks I drink to much. Well she is right but I still drink to much scotch. She loves me and is concerned about me. I know I should stop and I have in the past.

My health is good and I have great friends to play tennis with.

One day I will make a great partner for my wife and make her very very happy.

Within this last 7 years I have had acid reflux and I take nexium. If I didn't drink I would not need it.

I am a true toughie medically. I believe I am one lucky man to have what I have at age 60. Some people envy me and avoid interaction. They know I have a lot of things they will never have.


I did not expect a certain person to be here. he has proven to be a liar, a someone who needs drama in the worst way. If  there is evil, I look at him that way. he has hurt many on line, off line. I wish not to have anything else to do with him, yet, I fought hard today.. maybe it was because of the losses. Dan from VH, Argent from here, Zen, and as they say it all comes in 3. My heart broke . Vloggers are a rare bunch. Some quite , some loud, and vocal , all the same vloggers , and bloggers. . They vary is sight, some no one see's . But they are spirits of site , and the ones who walk at night that none ever see's .. I came back to the people who somewhat know me. Who I have hard times with, good times , tearful times, but yet we all still exist .I was thinking that if I die, I would want to talk, tell stories, laugh, read, see the wonderful work that Frank does, and hear Lauri's rightful acts. I would like to hear jry again, and all the ladies here. The tes, the crown, the proper . I am just a wild bird, sometimes get stuck in tree's . But I live , I cry, I love and someday will die , but not yet.. I have too much to read and hear. I have loved many, and few have loved me. But yet I loved anyway. Why? because the light is brighter than. The days vetter an the tea sweet,

I am back, I hope I am welcome. I am imply happy to be back

Vampire cure**
So you are a vampire now well doesn't that just ****. Well its your own dame fault. If you had stayed away from that vampire cave like you should have, you wouldn't have gotten into this problem.

So now you want to be a normal being. A vampire life is not what is cracked up to be. Ok Ok I can help.
Here are the steps you should take.

Go to Falkreath

Go to dead mans drink

Go to Inn keeper and ask **** lady if she has heard any rumors lately.

To know if you are a vampire, duh, as you probably already know you have run into a lot of annoying problems.

Which means you are probably a full vampire by now, which is imperative in order to complete this quest. You will often see on the screen. Your vampire blood boils in the sunlight when it is daylight out.

The Inn keeper will usually say. Your skin is pale as the snow. You scared of sunlight or something.

She will also say Falion of Morthal has studied vampires, draughr and all matters of the undead.

Then you will get a quest that will show in your quest list.

Am I making any sense. If not go to the show more, or description tag and I will spell it out for you. For those of you that can read English. It will also show up in red if you go to magic and active effects.

So now fast travel or just find some means of getting to Morthal which is in the north and located  located in the dense marshes of Hjaalmarch.

Once you are there go to Falion's house, he kind of looks like a monk. When you talk to him ask him, I heard you are an expert in vampireism.

Be sure to tell him you are looking for a cure.

He will give you some ******* story of how he is so needed in the town of Morthal but to complete the cure you need a filled black soul gem.

Just to let you know, a filled black soul gem is the most rare commodity in Skyrim. So as Frankie Mcdonald would say. "Be prepared".

Falion will offer you or will have an empty black soul gem for sale.

Buy it. Yes you need this to complete the quest.

Now is the most difficult part.

You need to have a spell. Capture soul spell or a weapon that will automatically capture the soul of a living being. But not just any living being. It has to be human. I cannot be a draughr because they are technically already dead.

Now if you do not have a soul capturing spell, or a weapon that will capture a soul you will have to remain a vampire until you do.

Oh I should mention that vampires need to feed. Yes a feeding at least once a day. If you do not feed you will not be able to go into any of the villages. They will automatically attack you. It doesn't matter if you know the Yarl or you are married to Lidya or if your best friend knows President Trump. You will be totally ostracized by the community. Nobody likes vampires. They are not good people.

So if you have not figured out how the hell to fill a black soul gem the I am thinking you are not only a vampier but an idiot too. You my non friend have created a total new race of idiot vampire.

Now figure it out.

Take your filled black soul gem back to Falion. He will say. Meet me at ........ after midnight. Now you can go there ahead of time and scope the place out. Make sure you are well fed and no anoying creatures are lurking in the dark to interupt the cerimony. Not like it is a real cerimony but like a quest complete. If you are a said location early you can see his movements on the map.

The cerimony is very dull with no aceptance speaches and not pipes and drums.

Geralt of Rivia he wealds quite a sword.
He never ever makes you feel board.

Treasures abound by night.
The Drowners and Rotfiends will give you a fright.

When the sun peaks in the skies.
Just grab us a boat and end all the lies.

Where light and darkness unfolds,
You'll find treasures untold.

Today I got my AstraZeneca
She was gentle and kind
I felt no pain and it was devine .
Her cold hands she warned me about.
I could see behind the mask what she was all about
She warned me about the *****
but she already made me feel slick.
My wife refused and wanted Fizer
Her demands were like the Keizer.

When she took the needle out I felt sad about our relationship ending.
I wish we were always and always.
never ending.

George Merle had to take a trip to Calgary for a medical assessment at the bidding of his union. He had to be there June 24th at 9:00 a.m. to se a Dr. Paul Darlington. George was apprehensive to say the least.

George made a booking at a motel close to the clinic. He also made a booking to fly from Regina to Calgary the evening of the 23rd.
He arrived in Calgary and took a cab to the motel near the clinic. He made himself comfortable in his room and tuned on the T.V. Around 10:00 p.m. the evening began to drag and things were getting pretty boring.
He left the comfort of his room and went out into the cool crisp night air for a stroll. He passed an all night tavern. He went in, sat down and ordered a coke.
Inside the dimly lit tavern he met a man whose name was Blakie. Blakie was dressed in,  you guessed it, black. he had a full black bear, wore a black leather jacket, and a black New Jersey Devil's peaked cap.
Blackie told George a few food jokes and they became fast friends. Blackie said he was from the Mission down the street, also they would go there later for a bite to eat. He then ordered George a drink.
When the drink arrived Blackie paid for it. George sipped the drink, it tasted good so he drank it down. The affect the drink had on him was devastating. The music became deafening, the room spun, strove lights flashed all around him. Blackie suggested the go outside for some fresh air.

Once outside, George stumbled in the street. Blackie grabbed him, kept him from hitting the ground, but at the same time surreptitiously stole his wallet. They stumbled down the street to a poorly lit doorway that read Mission of Lost Souls.

They reached a plateau and a door that said Belfry. He had the dry heaves then opened the door. The door to the belfry creaked open. His eyes took a minute to adjust to the light of the moon. There was a huge raven sitting, staring at him atop a 4x4 crosspiece that supported the bell.
Then an eerie voice that seemed to come from nowhere said, "What is your name, why have you come here?"

"My name is George, I have come to find a better way of life."
The raven began to caw loudly as if laughing at him. It flapped its wings and took off. It flew wildly right through one of the stained glass windows. There was a loud crash and scream that cried, "You will forget?"
Once again the eerie voice said, "What is your name, why have you come here?" He could not remember his own name. He was completely perplexed and mumbled, "I don't know.
He returned to the Mission of Lost Souls and thereafter became known as "Ralph." The Mission of Lost Souls had claimed its 617th victim, George Merle never made it to his appointment with Dr. Paul Darlington in Calgary on the 24th.

So life in a day is coming up in July 25, 2020 and we should all make a video to have ourselves included in this monumental production.

*******.

They will cut your video so quick if it dose not include main stream media comprehension.

If it does not have gender neutral bias.

If it does not conform to BLM.

If it does not take down a statue somewhere or any where.

If it circumvents the objectives of the government.

How I wish my grandchildren could see how peacefully the world was at some point in time, and not have to see fires and streets in disarray.

Just like the god dam videos the kids play today like Fallout 4 and the last of us two.

When I leave this planet I hope to hell there is now reincarnation because I would never want to return to this planet no mater what.

Hello my name is David. I live down the street. Today is Friday 13 2020.
We had a good time and always will.
Corona is in our time and we have so little time left on this planet we call earth.
We will always be sad when we loose someone we love.
I just want to write this note just in case I do not survive the outbreak.
I want to tell you how much joy you're faces give to me in this short span of time we have to make it or break it in times of need.

I want to tell you to your face that I think you are precious and I love you from David H.

Good old Hawk. He was quite a guy. The truth of the matter was that Hawk was a needle freak. He was hooked on morphine. He had hepatitis. There was a whole in Hawk's arm where all the money went. Sad but true. Except for enough money for two beers for the Hawk and me.
Who has to hear it. No one, everyone. Needles can be useful for medicine: they can also be a curse. You pierce the skin and feel the ruch and the juices flow unil you get your fill. But there never is a fill until it's over. Don't kid yourself. It will be over because it's a dead end trip.
You'll crash at the end of your last trip. And the trip you have on earth will be on of misery and despair. Nirvana doesn't come cheap. Hundred dollars a day habit could lead to desperate measures. A life of crime, scamming, pawning, betting, borrowing, and stealing. I'm glad to say Hawk held himself above all this. It could not have been an easy road out to travel.

He overdosed three years before the end.
Hawk actually died and was revived by some kind of good fortune, or was it good fortune? Hawk after this had no memory or regular thought process. Hawk wasn't the same man after that. It was not a pretty sight. He was a hollow man, a mere shadow of his former self.

I grew tired of telling Hawk the same thing over and over again. He lived with us for a few years. He moved out into a group home which he didn't like -- too much macaroni. About six months later Hawk was found on the floor of the group home bedroom. This time he was really dead. I don't know if needles were involved. I never heard the details. I like to think needles were not involved for the last three years of Hawk's life. I know he was clean for all the time he stayed with us. However, a great deal of damage had already occurred when Hawk came to live with us.
Hawk was a night person. He would lie there on the couch watching TV all night long with our dog Ming faithfully by his side. They loved one another those two. They were soul mates. Hawk gave Ming her favorite toy -  a little blue ball.
Hawk never gave up. His sister would come with raspberry pie and Hawk would glow for a few days.
Anyway, I gave Hawks eulogy. The song for the eulogy, "The needle and the damage done" by Neil Young.
To soar like a Hawk. To crash into the ground.
I'd like to think his spirit soars like a hawk. Maybe now Hawk has found the peace he never found in this life.

The keyboard warrior I am.
I can change the world from the palm of my hand.  

No need to leave the house.
Just give me my stupid mouse.

If I do not bend your will I will make you pay.
Says the keyboard warrior.
For this atrocious video that you made.

Get off the internet the warrior says

You need to take yourself to a grave.
And bury yourself at the end of the day.

When the warrior is finished with their comment
do they ever read it and stop just for a moment.

Or do you just click send.
Thinking this is the end.

I had a party last night yes I did. I lay in my bed thinking of what had transpired the night before. Laying here and thinking.

I was not in trouble no no no. In fact, I was getting a promotion at work and the best way to celebrate my promotion was to have a party.

Living in downtown east side was not a popular place but I was on the 12 Th floor of a condominium and my guests could access my parkade and we had security so inviting them to my party to my place was not an issue.

I had begun my shopping the day before after work on Friday. I wanted to make sure that everything I was buying was fresh and that I was not using anything that was stale or had outdated its expiry date.

I also wanted to get foods that were exotic to impress everyone. The best way to do this is to go to the Asian food aisle of Superstore and Costco. Oyster sauce sounds good, so does shrimp chips, but not to much exotic stuff, maybe some standard lays potato chips and yes dip. Chip dip, the stuff that the double dippers love. Not that anyone from our office is a double dipper but people who love dip.

I rectified this problem of double dipping by having, not one big dipping bowl, but to have to carry around miniature dipping bowls. Little personalized glass bowls only 5 oz each.

These dipping bowls were an absolute hit.

Salsa in three strengths. Medium, hot and extreme. The extreme will have to be my own combination of hot salsa and 1/4 teaspoon of Daves insanity sauce. Hot hot hot.

The hot sauces will have to be well labeled so I will have to use the same little dishes for dipping with the writing "Mild" "Hot" and "Hot Hot". For this, I use the sticky note pads from work.

I have to make sure I do not use the popular yellow notepads. But instead, use the less popular pink notepads which management don't mind you taking from the office.

I will also need a shrimp ring, the one that comes complete with seafood sauce in the middle.

I feel so excited that I have been here in this office for three years now and have not had this opportunity to host my fellow workers with food and drink and *** .... oh no *** just taste and enjoyment.

I want to make this a night to remember. I need this. I want to know I have made it. I want to impress the office with my wit and ingenuity and the one way to do that is with food.

I am not going to go on about the title of this post, a *** of tea. But it is the only thing that nobody touched at the end of the party. Nobody touched my *** of tea. It sat there the entire night without anybody touching it.

The party was a hit, or so everyone said when they left that Saturday night.

Most everyone had to call a taxi because it was a "BYOB". Ok so if you don't understand what that means it is... "Bring your own *****" Ok to simplify that to more people it means if you want to have hard liquor like beer wine or scotch *** or ***** you must bring your own.

The cost of the party, if I would have paid for all the *****, would have been an extra $500. Especially here in Canada.

So that morning when I awoke after the party the only thing left was the cold *** of tea.

So I took a long glass of ice from the ice left over in the freezer. I poured the cold tea left over into the glass then added two packets of cane sugar and to top it off I added a good healthy 2oz shot of Smirnoff ***** that was left over from my party.

I lay there on my sofa naked sipping on my cold drink. I was rubbing the cold glass on my head and wondering what everyone is going to say on Monday morning.

Is the internet broken because all I seem to get are people ******* and moaning about their pathetic lives.

Yes it must be broken because people only post when they want to get high.


Oh wait let me look outside. People are walking, people are talking to one another. People are doing what people are meant to do.

Its not the internet that is broken, its the people using it that are broken.

Me and the Hawk are poor poets. We also are or were somewhat hopeless drinkers. He'd get mad at me just because I liked to laugh. The bar scene was no place for mirth when Hawk had the blues.

So I show him my poem...

Full of  mirth

What is it worth
A smile that beguiles
That is worth while
Joke and laugh
Whole or half (giggle)
Can't you try to see
Better than quivery misery
Yes a belly laugh
Whole or half
Makes you feel so free.

Hawk says, "Humph." He shows me his poem as Hawk is a bit of a writer too.

The Worth Of My Birth

The worth of my birth
Means nothing to me
I have wasted time
And not done a good job
Of living & loving
It all weighs so heavy
On my tortured mind

I close with the poem EXPECTATIONS...

Expectations are the greatest things
They fool you. They rule you.
You live for the next time
To be sublime in the knowledge
You've done well
Those pitfalls that prey on your past
Will never last
If you achieve and believe
I can do this again.

Hawk and me smile and drink our drinks.

Like I said before, I was into gambling. Betting on horses, football games, baseball, hockey, even pro wrestling. You name it, I'd bet on it. I'd make so many bets in a period of time, that I often lose track of whether I was winning or losing. I guess it was the thrill of making a prediction. Hawk, on the other hand, was much more tight-****** with his money. There were two reasons for this. Hawk was of Scottish ancestry. This may offend some, but it made him wise in the knowledge that a penny saved was a penny earned. Also, Hawk grew up on, while I wouldn't say, the poor side of town, I would definitely say, on the modest income side of town.
We were at the old Exhibition Park, now the multi-million dollar Queensbury Downs, an ultra-modern, magnificent edifice. Exhibition Park was a rickety old place, really a disgrace in its later years. Believe me, it had many, many years.
Anyway, the nags were running one night and Werewilf and I decided to try to make some money; Werewilf thought of himself as some kind of horsey guru, but he had the odd good insight that I would sometimes cash in on. The evenings winning was progressing as usual. Werewilf hit a winner on the Daily Double and made enough to double his bets on the rest of the races. I was donating to the upkeep of the barns and the jockeys wages. I maintain that I had a part in building the new Queensbury Downs.
After the seventh race admission was free.
That is when Hawk showed up. He would spend his admission money on the last three races. The eighth and ninth races were a bust for all of us. The final race was going to be the saving grace for me and the Hawk, and Werewilf was definitely buying drinks at the curling club later.
Hawk and I looked at the horses and saw a big old grey that looked pretty good. The odds were favorable on Grey Goose, so I place my bets across the board. Hawk bet him to place. Werewilf had money on the horse as well, so it looked like a shoo-in. We were all tensed up in anticipation for the race as the horses were at the post.
"They're off!" the track announcer blared over the loudspeaker. Grey Goose cantered out of the gate and was so far behind at the quarter that he had no hope of placing. "How about an eight-horse pileup!" Hawk yelled. Forget if Hawk, this was horses, not cars. It wasn't a good thing to hope for anyway.
The rest of the pack reached the half when it became evident that Grey Goose had to let go of a load of horse buns. The laughter from the stands echoed throughout the place. Hawk seemed to take the whole scene as a personal insult. The race was over. Grey Goose finished what he had to do and came in dead last.
Hawk said, "I just paid two dollars to watch a horse have is a daily dump! I'll never bet on a horse again!" Wilf and I thought the whole thing was hilarious and considered it money well spent.
Later we met Moneybags at the Regina Curling Club in the exhibition grounds. Hawk was still grumbling about his two dollars. Moneybags was at the races too and thought what had happened with Grey Goose was very amusing, even though he had money on the horse too. Hawk was still grumbling. Moneybags accused Hawk of having Rectinitus. "What the hell is Rectinitus?" we all wondered.
Moneybags, low key, said, "Rectinitus is a medical term. It occurs when your ****** is connected to your optic nerve, culminating in a ****** outlook on life. But don't worry Hawk, It's very rarely fatal."

It is 2am and I am finally feeling sleepy
Dream will soon inflow and they are very creepy

I break out in a sweat.
I fear I'm in debt.

It's not real but I can't help what I feel.
It's only a dream and not an endless wheel.

I once was  the cream of the crop.
No I am being arrested by a cop.

I reach under the bed for a drink.
It really isn't what you think.

Monday we play at One.
Bruce has a court and its done.

I look back at these times
I fear we will will not climb.

Thank you for reading and being there you are trooper for being there.

Never before in the history of humanity.

Has entire generation filmed so much insanity.

Can we pick up an axe and chop some wood.

Can we fix a leaking pipe and do some good.

Never before this entire generation.

Have filmed everything just short of castration.

You see someone on fire.

You only stand there and just admire.

You whip out your cell phone.

Or maybe record it with a drone.

Never before in the history of humanity has a entire generation so diligently filmed themselves accomplishing so very little.

All summer we play tennis with friends

On sunny  days  that we hope have no ends

At the LTC  in the heart of the park

Where many players like you have left their mark

Its not the score nor the one who swore

That  encourages us to play more , until our muscles are sore

So Lets play tennis

As we won’t cause a menace

We'll play all day

Starting in May

We will focus on returns

So we don’t get the burns

As for the serve

It will take some nerve

Remember most swing in a hurry  

So it’s the volleys that should worry

And lets have no lobs unless we're old

Or too young to be told

As for the seniors, we won’t play at night

As we can’t see to fight

We'll play at noon

And create a big boon

Throughout  the season where we love it all

Just for the chance to whack  that wily yellow ball

There once was a great player named Tom
who hit every shot like a bomb
the forehand was a Grenade
and needed no aid
The backhand was nuclear
and always particular
The volleys shot like an arrow
and stung like it, hit your bone marrow
But his smash was the stash
and you wouldn't want its lash
So let's hear it for Chadwick
the man  who's game is so madwick!

On Tuesday we all wound up at aunt Mary's house for a hearty fill of tea and crumpets and of course our favorite fill her delicious tide pod recipe.

So I was talking to this older woman the other day
She had just retired after working for 40 years at a successful job.

So I asked her: After working for 40 years what is your tribute to success.

She said: You have to know what people to avoid.

I asked her: What do you mean.

She said: First you need to know the Men who want to be your friend, and friend only. Make them your friend.

I asked her: What about the men to avoid.

She said: The men that touch and grab, because most of them are married.

I asked her: What about the women.

She said: Avoid the *******.

I asked her: What do you mean.

She said: The ones that want to know everything about you and talk about you behind your back and create office gossip.

I asked her: And only women do that.

She said: Yes, but sometimes men..... the touch feely guys.

I curse the sun when it shines into my room and wakes me from the nightmare in my life.

Oh how I wish it was cloudy cold windy and damp.

The sun I have cursed all of my life, the less I see of thee, the more evil I feel. I feel strong when I am evil and weak when I am good.



I love to see dead things, dead leaves dead weeds and dead flowers, they seem more natural and longer lasting.

The moon is my friend when the cursed sun is gone. The moon has many faces so I can never get tired of looking at the moon.

You may say who is this fool that talks such nonsense.

I am not a fool,... I am this monster that lives under your bed.

How well do you know your Facebook friends.

For the six family members, I am glad to have them as my Facebook friends.

For the twenty nine people I have met and known for more than ten years that don't include family thank you for old memories that never die.

To the four people I have worked with and the things that have changed over time.

To the six of my internet friends I have actually met with, it would never have happen if not for social media.

To the ninety two internet friends I have never met, for some reason social media have us connected.

To the eight people who share my same last name (birth last name) it is great to see you here.

To the fifty two people in Canada not including family, go Canada.

To the three people from Ireland

To the six people from England

To the 8 people from Australia

My dearly beloved friend from New Zealand I will always remember our times and adventures in Auckland, rest in peace my friend.

To all my forty five American friends you tip the scales as the cream of the crop.

My three Europe/Asia friends I know you are not many but I know who you are.

And to the one who who somehow fits into so many of my silly little classifications thank you for being my Facebook friend.

I just received some very important information
I am not inclined to reveal my sources.
What it is, is a fast track to the future.

It reveals your life pattern and your successes and failures.
When you see it you will understand.

It allows you to avoid the undesirables in your life.
Sometimes the undesirables produce offspring.
You will have to decide when to cut the cord.

Fast track allows you to connect with the ones you will have long term relationships with.

This will allow you to see the future.
You will see the success and observe the future.

My sources are secret.
I wish I had this source when I was 16.

It seems so futile now.
I am almost 60 years old and I love my wife.
My son is a very bright person and has a lovely partner.

If I knew this back when I decided to take my life when I was 30 year old.
I would never have done it.

Lucky for me I was given a fast track to the future.

When ever I feel disturbed or uncomfortable I follow these steps.

I fall to the ground and assume the fetal position.
It transports me to a time when my life was partioned.

All my ****** functions were on a support system.
Here I can do no wrong or be in completion.


I don't have to make choices
I don't have to love or hate
I don't even know of my own existence

I don't have dreams because I have not established any thoughts
I never get to hot or cold.

I don't know of a beginning or and end
or of time or how long.

I am not really sure if I am alive because I don't know what alive is.

The saffron glow of the great north sky,
The old grey wolf and his haunting cry,
The aspen, hemlock, the spruce and pine,
Cool winds that savour of sweet red wine
The raven, the eagle, the heron and hawk,
Soft green valleys and smooth white rock,
Eternal mountains, afire in the sun,
Don’t let me live by the sword and gun
The evening call of the lonely loon,
He adds his song to the owl’s sad tune,
Oh take me back to my green thorn tree,
Back to my earth just to live with thee.
Back to the rivers, the hills, the deer,
Surrender my knife, surrender my spear,
To walk once more in the cold white snow,
Living and learning and trying to grow.
Here in the mud, the blood, and the spew,
BAttle grounds silently mantled in dew,
Where lonely vigil of velvet night,
Reveals its sadness in dawn’s pale light.
Away from the terror, the death and the pain,
The sick, the wounded, the graves of the slain,
Oh how I long for my own dear shore
Beseeching the face of the one I adore
The honeysuckle, the hum of the bee
The trout, the pheasant, the Kokanee
The scream of the gull, and the nighthawk’s cry
Holy Creator, don’t let me die
But Lord, should I stumble in battle and fall
Hang my helmet in Heaven’s great hall,
And lay me quiet neath the Green thorn tree,
Caressed by the earth that once bore me.
The safron glow of the Great North Sky,
The old grey wolf and his haunting cry,
The aspen, hemlock, the spruce and pine,
Cool winds that savour of sweet red wine.

I am an under cover Alien
I come from a land so far away it would blow your mind
I am here only for information

You would not understand in a million years
I am from similar DNA
Everything was planted here on earth like an experiment

We sent the drone with the seed
The seed was successful
And now you clam to be a human race

But now we observe from afar
Of this seed still so primitive from the source
You still have war, religion, cruelty and inequality.

We don't know how long it will take for you to understand
You are only an experiment just like a test tube
A combination of molecules and atoms
That have existed even before time

I am here on your so called planet
only to observe
but soon the decision will make things clear.

I am an under cover Alien I can make many forms
I can be human, dog, lion, or cow.
I transmit the information all the way back to the source.

To wipe this test tube clear
and start anew
or continue to let it fester and pollute the host.

I met a man in 2007 and his name was George
Out side the liquor store he sang songs he loved

I remember his face from another place
He was gentle and kind
He liked to get high

We struck up a friendship
He would talk sing and quote poetry
I would aim my cameras and be quite knowingly

He would always invite me for the game.
The Riders were always part of his fame.
Things were always good at the Merle Household

We made videos on youtube.
George liked his fame on the tube.
His favourite was Cheeche and Chong and Daves not here.

It has been a year now since George passed away.
I miss you George.

I often read your poetry I even post it on line.
I hope you don't object to that.
George yes you were divine.

I met an old Alien on one cold November day
His skin was green and had blood shot eyes and his hair was all grey.

His space ship crashed in my back yard.
He looked so forlorn and his space ship was completely charred.

He lost all his luggage and he had no clothes
On a cold winters evening he dam near froze.

I took him to my closet and showed him all my a tire.
He picked out my cocktail shirt, his looks were now on fire.

I took him out to dinner one night and everyone had to stop and stare.
He was an item in their lives that they considered very rare.

His habitat is in my basement, where he constructed a cocoon.
He also spent many hours on my porch gazing at the moon.

He did not speak or make sounds, he only used his eyes.
He would often try to point and explain the skies.

Then one day his friends all came to take him back home.
Their space ship was amazing like Frisbee made of chrome.

I saw in his eyes that he was happy and also sad.
He gave me a final strange salute that today it makes me glad.

I often wonder to this day as I look into the sky.
If he was really a he or she, because she was very shy.

You are young and clothed in leather
I was old and feeling awkward
I did not like that they left us together

I saw the scar and wondered how
but I shut my mouth, I am not your stalker
you are not that pretty in fact you are kind of a cow

I want to just leave, I see you cannot talk
I just want to say I want other things
Things that make me feel I just want to walk

I hope we can just not interact
I wish you all the luck in your endeavours
I will make sure there is no more interaction

I am trying to find you
so I can block and delete you
I am trying to figure how we ever became friends.

This is the end of all ends.