when the dues are paid
and there’s nothing left to be said
get up and make your bed
heat up the water
you look at your phone only to say “why bother”
my mind is playing games
Eyes of people so tame
I let out my false anger on people I love
Can I envy empty space?
Give me some peace, a slice to taste
I can’t deny my hate when it doesn’t exist
it doesn’t begin
Nor does it end
Why do I deny?
your influences tickle your thoughts
it reflects in your actions
dangling keys
running from the bees
the pain is far from being at ease
expanding consciousness but I slip when the thoughts come storming
Flooding my train of thought
Demons to be fought
in an empty lot
A reason to be caught
Alone, this stream I must jot
listening to romantic music
by the girl with a voice better sounding than the acoustics
They think I’m playing but really I’m not boosting
The mood changes like a hit before I’m zooted
Unexpected
But when the heat comes know that it’s brewing
The doings of today
Forgotten in the days I couldn’t walk straight
The moments are delayed
Down as of late
Early when I bake
It just happens no heaven sake
It just happens
Like I don’t think of the girl I betrayed
Never should I have stayed
If the love was delayed
Why did I choose to stay
In a crowd
For a band
Color and sound
The waves take the pain away so late
The mind in disbelief
happy endings to seize
the one in the mirror the only one to please

a bed awaiting my death
remembering moments better left unthought
if it’s for the better, i won't call to say I love you
growing fond of letting go
it's so easy it hurts
without opening my third
it simply has been
the wine consumed
makes it easier to accept my doom
go your way
mine has been betrayed
broken promises
the moments pass
the liquor is still being consumed
the end
is all we live for
every moment flashes
it flashes
it flashes
the run
towards a light unseen
a darkness so keen

where's the indicator?
where is it shown?

(the will to write is lessenening)

hugging what is seen
throwing up what's beyond there

a walk to my car
eternity somewhere else
my leg is hurt
i can't go to the gym
my pax is being reloaded
some pounds are being added

tonight i seek my vengeance
the little things that makes me "feel" like a hero
i shouldn't restrict this type of writing
this is meditation
this is clearing
and being comfortable with what's inside

end the streak
beat the beat
no hide and seek
just face the fear and greet

the water has boiled, the noodles are settling//
the music is going//
my cup is filled//
my thirst is quenched//
dinner is in the making//
i check on the noodles//
walking back to my computer i start to develop different ways to portray my ideas//
i'm one mouse click away from manifesting something that generated from the questionable//
sometimes i don't understand the reasons things work the way they do, but it makes so much sense//
the possibilities are endless, but there's only one sensical way//
there's also dramatic ways to portray the simple, but these days anything is possible//
i'm listening to coral wonder by george fenton, i'm looking at my fingers type//
how did i develop the coordination to type this?//
everything really is a practice.... just imagine exchanging the doing of texting into learning the violing and maybe even// becoming the worlds greatest player//
then again, that's a lot of texting.... a lot of practice//
i don't think communication is meant to be a tiring thing, i think that's why people text like crazy//
whatever though//
is it weird to miss someone who died before you were born?//
i feel that way about john lennon and charles bukowski....//
i want to live to see the day when i can see their motives reflecting on me//
i can't wrap my head around how much expression they have generated from within....//


i can't wait to live tomorrow//

in the dark i sit
thinking about when i'll just quit
pleasing for the wrong reasons
will make the train of thought to my vision split
(sitting on this chair, alone...aware... of how bad it's been this week)
(weeping for a bit, watching videos.... trying to uplift myself without use of energy)
i feel weird tonight
out of site
everything influences, what do i cite?
laying down my weapon
i don't want to fight
i don't crave acceptance, i don't want to oppose with opinion
(whatever you stand for is nobody's business but yours)
why would you care?
to my self i must declare
to walk and talk in full aware-
ness
feel somewhat a mess
but tomorrow is a new day, i don't think i should stress
clean up my mess
maybe resist the person i pressed
unwanted thought, how does that convert to feeling less?
and everything okay when you get undressed?
i bet you ask yourself when i'll finally be my best?
in the end, it's the love or lead

get what you can take,
but think before you do
for consequence follows behind every choice
get what you can take
from walking
to talking
the most from all, from the seconds that don't matter
(when i'm deep in some ****, i think about this)

but some thoughts just overcome the "smarter" ones

and regret follows behind the action

races to be won, races to be lost
emotions to be felt
emotions to learn and observe
moments take over
the storm will never be over
as long as i remain aware, of the pain inflicted
by myself, decisions with cause and effect
feelings that were acted on out of neglect
we argue and we both become suspect
to our eyes, we cannot lie
for i know, the layers inside your mind
and you know mine
this morning was fine, far from good
last night made my thought process shook
asking how i define
this love that don't resemble confine
i wrote a good *** poem earlier
and it got deleted
it was time to practice
let go of the moments that threaten your being
that threaten the ties you've created to be this way
we fight until we ask ourselves what's the subject?
blurry memories, sit and reflect
to live a blurr, no mind to retrospect
moments that were delivered to my reality
moments that caused pain
derive from the unconscious
i'm aware of this, letting it happen is a burden sometimes
how do i not let it, when sometimes it only "feels" right?
how does it "feel" right to feel anger?
****
i'm still walking on a rope
but can't balance my"Self"

awareness applied
to live, to die and feel love for what's outside
live for this
for questions
for explorations
within


i have work at 11

the coffee has been brewed, but i'll let it sit and write this poem

i wonder what the people have to say today
they walk in, give us business, give us *******
who do i believe, who do i trust?
i guess i have to see beyond it, beyond that...
beyond what they think and say
how are they when they're away?
they look empty, what kind of soul? what kind of formulae
to your disarray???

i'm kind of excited....

to live today

haha....
we still on bad terms but like i have to continue to live breh...

this writing was interesting...