If you love me*
I want you to hate me.
I need you to cry like you want to die.
I hate myself,
why would you love me?
Please reply!
But you won't be able,
without a lie,
or two.
It's just a fable
rooted in,
what you've read and pine
over.
It's over.
Once a lover,
now a loner.

I am but a spectacle of expectations.
Things I could be if I thought logically,
but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Think back to when you wanted to better yourself,
did it work and did it hurt?
Overt efforts to covert homewreckers,
I ****** you,
But I think I ****** myself.
Save me from heaven,
I'm not the one you can help.
I'm not what you need.

Guess what I loathe the most
is the fact that what I love the most,
My furry thing who walks two-by-two,
Still likes to be scratched the places
you taught him to.
Guess it just goes to show you,
Why an old dog can't do new tricks.

Tell me more.
About the things you love,
Every feature of me that you adore,
My sly little creature.
Such sweet nothings were never meant to be something.
Discreet treats left from the first day we met,
That lead me to believe things that I had already grieved in my past.
Alas,
Another lass.
Oh, but this one is special.
She said things so nicely
And put me down so gentle,
My angelic monster,
I pick the flowers from your hair
The same way I sift through the lies,
That you swear
Are true.

You focus on your flaws
not knowing
that without them all,
I wouldn't love you.
And every time you rear your ugly head,
I see diamonds
and gold,
Not you getting old.
And those scars
are art,
And your fat
a map,
of where my kids came from.
Your screams like a siren
sing me to sleep.
And your condescending tone
makes me want to *******,
literally.
Don't pity me.
From your ashy knees,
to hearing you ***,
*I love you.

Father,
are you not excited to see me?
I can see it in your eyes
as they turn away
and don't look at me.
I must've done something wrong.
Grandma's writing is getting shakier.
The days of praise
are long away,
And the only things told,
were never really said at all.
Happy Holidays,
From the Perez family.