I check the clock knowing time,
at least, won't lie—
Two hours past 3
And that place down the alley isn’t open
The sun shines brighter than ever,
The strained pavement is hot and
Covered in cigarette butts
The garage door is locked
And any sense of sanctuary now locked behind it
I turn back, resigning myself to
Burying my thoughts alive
Deep beneath the workday
The time passes,
All-too-many pores sweat and my
Back hurts like my stomach drops flat
I step outside this familiar prison and collapse
At the feet of lunar light surrounding me,
Bats whirl overhead and
My heart races faster and faster
Ivory, delicate ivory,
Clutching the silly purple sweater
That I remember you smiling to see me in
Head now down to the floor and
This same silly sweater becomes a metaphor
These fabrics of your absence
Caress my tired flesh
There was a time where I counted
Weeks by kisses on the cheek
And
Not quite butterflies but similar insects,
Though they didn’t have wings,
Could be felt whirring through my nerve endings,
Their presence at the pit of my anxieties,
Squirming through the muck
But now my feelings fill that space
In its current state, damp and muddy
Left in the wake of sensations past
Something beyond the spoken word
Between what is known and unknown
A question without an answer, the
Suspended seconds before free fall
The eye of the hurricane or
The voice trapped within a ringing phone
Something that exists before it’s realized
Chaining two things together
Existing only in its own negative space
And now
A familiar feeling finds me
In the midst of my focus fading,
Car parked in the same old spot
But only now do I realize how foreign this land is, how
Impossible it is to reach from where you last smiled at me
This silly purple sweater wraps
Me tightly with what refuses to exist,
I'm drowning in the this feeling of
The only time you'll ever hold me
These savage fabrics at my lips and throat
Smother me with the affection
That you never in my half-life will have