My brain is a sieve.

Most of the words of this poem have dripped out
on the road
on my shirt
on the front step as I fumbled for my keys.

I think it was something about
starlight and loving you
but then that’s no surprise.
At this point the structure of my DNA
is sonnets I composed for you
and free verse you’ll read and think
is about someone else.
The kinds of words you’ll coo about
and caress in your mind
and shower me with praise over
like a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek
when I want and want and want you.

But I suppose we’ll never know, now
what this poem was going to be about.

It’s my brain, you see.

It’s a sieve.

Sometimes I think about
the structure of atoms
and how difficult it can be
to tell the difference between me
and the cantaloupe I just ate
and where I end
and the sunlight begins.
And I wonder
if maybe when you kiss me
you leave behind pieces of yourself
on my tongue
and that’s why I remember
exactly how you taste
no matter how long it’s been.

Sometimes I think about
quantum entanglement
and how two different particles
can be inextricably and inexplicably
tied to each other
no matter their physical distance.
And I wonder
if maybe a tiny piece of your left iris
is entangled with an atom
in the muscle of my cheek
and that’s why
I can’t help but smile
when you look at me.

Sometimes I think about
our understanding of DNA
and how so much of it we call “junk”
because we don’t know what it does.
And I wonder
if maybe years from now
they’ll be able to read my base pairs
like a novel
and some scientist
will be able to look at them and say
“This,
just here,
this is how we know
the subject fell in love.”

When she speaks,
She speaks the truth
Listen.

When she hopes,
She hopes with all her heart
Hear her out

When she laughs,
She can brighten up any room
Laugh with her

When she cries,
Her pieces thought to be glued together come apart
Hold her

When she loves,
It's like no other feeling
Love her back

When she writes,
She writes out her story with beautiul words
Read it

Because when she writes,
She's writing the words she can't find to speak

When she loves,
She's loving like she yearns to be loved

When she cries,
She's letting out everything she's been holding inside

When she laughs,
She is reminded that in reality, happiness is still so very far away

When she hopes,
She hopes in vain;
For every 11:11 wish,
Ends in tears spilling,
And broken promises,

But when she speaks.
It is rare-
She is habitually silent
For when she speaks,
No one listens.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Oh darling…
After years of being bullied,
Bullying myself,
Are you aware the state I’m in?
My hands, they shake.
My head, it spins.
To be trapped in your own mind,
To be hooked on a drug they call sadness,
It’s torture.
I am a POW.
A prisoner of the war I am at with myself
When my mind says “Move on”,
And my heart says “Hold on”,
And my body says “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take”,
Who to listen to?
So I am punished for everything broken in my life
As I grasp through the darkness,
Trying to glue it all back together,
Ignoring the cuts the sharp shattered dreams bring,
But I’m so tired of self-pity.
So tired of holding onto people and things that have long left my life
Hoping one day
These real eyes
Will realize
When those real lies are told
So I can stop and ask myself is it really worth it.
Or better yet, am I really worth it?
Or am I just a complication?
Someone who you would be better off without,
At least you won’t have to act like you love me.
Lie about being there for me,
Dangle in front of me the possibility of happiness,
Then pretend to help me pick up the pieces of my broken heart
I’m so tired.
Stupid us, thinking we were in love.
Stupid me, thinking I was finally good enough.
So when I hear that stupid rhyme,
It brings me back.
Re-read the top if you must to completely grasp,
But don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone.

"Por Tu Maldito Amor"

El dia que te encontre me enamore
Tu sabes que yo nunca lo e negado
Con sana me lograste enloqueser
Y yo cai en tu tramapa ilusionado
De pronto todo aquello se acabo
Faltaste a la promesa de adorarnos
Me undiste en el olvido por creer

Que a ti no llegarian jamas los anos
Por tu maldito amor
No puedo terminar con tantas penas
Quisiera rebentarme hasta las venas
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor no logro acomodar mis sentimientos

Y el alma se me sigue consumiendo
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor
Ahahahahahahaha

Y ya para que quiero la tumba
Si ya me enteraste en vida
Ahaha ayi

No quiero que regreses nunca no
Prefiero la derota ente mis manos
Si ayer tu nombre tanto pronuncie
Hoy mirame rompiendome los labios

Por tu maldito amor
No puedo terminar con tantas penas
Quisiera rebentarme hasta las venas
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor no logro acomodar mis sentimientos
Y el alma se me sigue consumiendo
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu maldito amor
Por tu bendito amor