Twisted bone towers thirty feet high.
Etched with every promise and every word the doctors said to you. Resonating with the residual chemo left inside.
You collapse.
All those words,
All of those people building you up,
All of it just to watch you fall.

I am the temper in your steel
I am the steel in your resolve.
let there be no other like me
and there will be no other like you.
Trust me and I will show you new heights
Betray me and I will let them tear you down.

We don't know where we are going to land
Whose arms we find ourselves in
When the fuse finishes with a puff of smoke
It's not over.
This is the best part of it
Whose arms we find ourselves in.
Brace for impact
Be ready
Catch the broken pieces we can't hold together

I should have kept my mouth shut
But I insist you listen to the words that pour out
They need not make sense
They need no place in your heart
As long as you know
They're for you.

Its raining again. Just like before
Not that its heavier or lighter.
The smell still smells like a city
The thing that makes is like last time
The feeling that I'm alone.
That feeling that even though I'm surrounded.
The rain reminds me how no one listens

When im sitting in the back of your car
And more than god wants to create I want to look into the rear view just to see your eyes.
But I can't look,
because what if I look and your eyes and they aren't looking at mine,
on top of that,
what if you aren't looking at me, because right now I need your attention,
I crave it like blood.
but I obstain like kryptonite.
just the sight of you not keeping me in your sights,
Alone,
In the car with you.
That fills me with an insignificance as insignificant as the star you passed on when you made a wish;
And I can't risk to feel that.
So I obstain from that,
out of preservation

A love letter to pittsburghs river.

im sorry my love, I may not see you tonight, but know I think of you often. not always fondly. But you are never a want, I know what I need. Your cold water to numb my scars. your tongue deep inside my mouth, dareing me to gasp for breath. Your arms wrapping me completely, into a beautiful dream, i'll never have to wake from. slowly like a blanket being thrown onto the sleeper, you cover and engulf me.

Let's throw ourselves against a wall just to watch ourselves crumble.
In the name of love...
What a wonderful way to self destruct...

As long as you know mine is the same
That I will always honour your honour
and love your love
Understand when you pay me in venom
I'm only doing kindness, to pay you the same

My demons dance on barbed wire
My sorrows sing in mellow harmony
My bones rattle to the dance of the necromancy.
My bones dance the macrabe waltz

How come when I am nearer to sleep
That my eyes should close, not even a peep
I only hope then, that my eyes do not open

As I looked into the face of a young boy.
I could see the explosion inside his pupils,
Almost as bright as the grin that pierced his closed smile.
It was all too apparent.
He had an idea.

The curve of my body
The shadow that paints my bed and floor. My window tells me the tale of how the rain falls. Sometimes when I listen, It's a sad story. sometimes it's not. Today the rain just fits the scene. My eyes open slowly. My face shunning itself from the light for the sake of dreams. A childhood memory,  That I can't entirely recall. But it's morning now. Time to put that behind me. Time to wake up with the summer rain

lost among the stars the planets play a symphony of otherworldly proportions.

A dying star plays the final chord of its solo so that someone somewhere would hear the plea to be something big.

And a percussion band of asteroids sounds the trumpets of gods as they clash heads  

As though there is one conductor that created this magnificent piece

As though there was one thing bringing this all together

I wish to thank you as I sit and watch the stars tonight

Whats the point of being a star
one so prominent others seem less
We are equals from start you and I
No need to outshine the other
There's enough space for us
just let me be me
admiring your beauty

My memories meddle in forbidden affairs
My eyes reflecting the sheen of the past
I open doors I thought I'd have the strength to close
bleeding hands teach me the lesson of what not to do.
It seems these days that I just can't stop the blood

There is beauty in resolved emotions.
Storms quelled and waters without motion.

There is beauty in unresolved conflict.
the matter of misunderstanding because of instinct.

I have dined on cadavers of my broken memories.
I have whined at the intrusiveness of tragedy

My dignity denied and pulverized pride has left me thirsting inside.

Left to my own design I twist and turn into an image more stern.

In turn I can feel my match stick burn
I yearn.
I burn.
But i carry myself inside of nesting dolls that falls at the sight of you.

I can only wish you feel this way too.

Let me make this perfectly clear for everyone from my past.

You won, you got the better of me by just being yourself.

Now, lets move on.

It's kind of hard to when you leave a piece of you behind any time you feel the need to burn a bridge.

That there's something you forgot to take with you or you left there because maybe it was to much baggage.

We've been there, am'i'right?

I broke off pieces of me at a time and left them there for better or worse

And I've done that for every person I can think of.
Some larger, some smaller.
Don't feel lucky that it was minimal or you weren't given your fair share

I broke off pieces of myself until there was nothing left, and I didn't think of what those pieces meant

I couldn't because it was too "rough" to think about.

But like tomorrow always comes, I had to think about it at some point.

And I hated the hell out of myself too, with good reason.

Wasn't a felon, but I wasn't a great person.

I demonized and hated myself with good reason.

Didn't save my foster brother and I ***** about my past.

But then I realized something about me not being a good person but actually caring about how people felt and the fact I want to change.

Out of all the things I went through and every piece of shell shock or excitement I created.

You were all amazing people despite what you did.

I didn't idolize you. I just knew that I couldn't ever judge you for being you.

And I thought you were awesome for one reason or another.

Today, like many other days.

I left a piece of me behind

I had to move on,

But I want you to know

I will think about those pieces of myself I left behind

For your sake.

and mine

After a while the road becomes two roads.
We do not have to take one or the other.
We could choose to just sit there and think
The time may pass but take no notice.
As the leaves change colors and die
My glass goes from energy drink to wine
Today is the day I choose left.
Still Rob. I'm sure someday I might wish the other.

I hate the city
How you can't see the stars in the sky
How hopes seem to die
How life is a swindlers mind
It's not that the stars aren't there
They just fell, burned out, hidden in apartments
They forgot their worth and so forget to twinkle
Like a black hole
The city swallows every star

The Declaration of life is so:
The ability to introduce stimuli into your life so choose wisely
but not to soon
judge sparingly
but be ready when the  shadow of regret blooms

Do you remember D?
He was awesome.
I can't say I knew him.
All I can say is I wish I was there.
And an artist can romanticize the end
As much as a child cries about being born.
D,
Was about everything in-between.
A laugh for the sake of a laugh.
He was divinity on earth encased in the flesh of a comedian before his time.
He was the moment I realized my myopic lens was shifted in a non righteous view.
Why?
He showed my that when I look at the bright side.
The shadows never compare to the landscape.
He always kicked my *** at magic.
He was a lesson and gift.
The coolest guy I knew.
My biggest regret is knowing I didn't have to make time.
I was the idiot who didn't listen to the man, who knew we always have time.

Its a tragedy marked only by our own lack of determination
Its a sentence that breeds our own incompetence
Learning from experience
In the end, Your heart?
Always wins

In the eye of the maelstrom I found myself. As the torrent of pain surrounded me from all sides. I began to rip torrents into tradewinds and I rode on that agony to new seas. my memory is clouded by the fog, but i search for familiar seas.

I took the core of my suffering out with a pen; with shakey hands I cut with my own words.
gusts of air left my lungs.
I danced for strangers to watch my blood fall. I medicated with carnival tickets and white girls to ease out of winter into spring. I relished in working till my bones bruised, and I still felt empty from it all. because it's empty and lonely in the eye of the storm. I realized that the wind that blows through my hair is apart of me. it is me. That every wave that dares knock me topside. is just someone i've grown to hate. and as my hate grows, the waves grow higher, and as I'm consumed with wrath, the wind blows harder. but i know now. through all the pain and torment. that I am the storm. and if I make it to land, reckoning is upon it. but if i'm to sink to the bottom of the sea I hope no one is hurt for it.

Through moments with silent trepidation
One another was filled with accusation
The wren flew with the prestigious
The rat scurried with the gregarious

She was filled with torment and fear that she fought to quell with flesh complacent, bodies in motion, always feeling indecent.

He was bound by his wrath and fear, swallowing pride just so others could get near, trying not to lose control, always trying to steer.

little known to these two indigenous creatures of my heart
that they both formed at my elementary start.

The rat as my inner love, the wren as my auxiliary love.
A beautiful tight rope of masochistic devilry

You never fall in love with a poet
Just his words
The way they captivate you
The way they taste like honey to ears
It's alright though
Better only one heartbreak instead of two

The tvs on
The xbox is on
Netflix is on
And yet, I'm compelled
My window is tuned to the best channel
The sun dipping over the horizon
The attrition of trees as leaves fall in the wind
The beauty of new leaves grown
I love this channel
I love sunsets

Whos body is tattered but shows no interest  in falling apart
Whos mind is troubled but shows no interest in being troubled
Whos soul calls out to the adventurer in all of us
This ones to you

I hinge words not for your benefit
but for my game of arousal
an amusement
because what's the point of life
if you can't turn on a dime

Seasons change
Moments when I hate myself
Days when I love myself
When I lose hope
When I find new reasons to live
Times I break
Times I rebuild
no matter what happens
I know it's just time again

Do me the favor of kissing my broken bones
Help lick the wounds that I try best to heal
Stitch up the heart that knows the touch of ache
Show me how my heart can play songs
Modern melodies of what could be
Today is the day I cast eyes upon you
Sit down so I may put my head in your lap
I am the weary traveler today and I need you
My vision blurs when I stand so today I need you
Today I am weak and I cannot be the beacon
Please today, I need you to be my beacon

thirty is enough for one night or so I thought
why not one more
A flick of the wrist
dab of ink here
I play with the pen as if we're friends

Our words are our own
Our words can be sown
But learn to live and sow seeds lightly
For life is yours to reap
After you learn

I dare not dance when caution is afoot
I dare not play when mothers stern
I should heed her words
She made her word law, we all heard well

"Foxs are foxs only time will tell"

You do realize, you haven't had the hardest life. Steve Bushime and Leonard Nemoy can out weigh family crisis. especially car crash's and morality aside.
You were endowed with more opportunity than most around.
After all,
we were taught to walk in your shadows.
yes
you were in that category.
Because we were considered the faulty programing of your adopted sister.
So our only opportunity was to adapt from the predecessors our grandparents Aspired us to
CH to DA
TR to JA
CO to carbon dioxide.
If you were worried about making an impact. trust me. you only fell like a shooting star.
the crater is nothing.
With your lessons
I want to do what D did.
But I wont, because of two reasons






if you_cared = true
{
we wouldnt be where we are
}

What leaves me more sorrowful than adder's venom
is the way you tell me you love me
when no ones around
The way you appreciate me
when no ones around.
That You could say the same to a fly
when no ones around

My body, holds steadfast to strong winds. It bares the marks of eighteen years. Between good, the bad, myself. I contradict my own existence with the lack of will. That my own deterioration of self is stitched together by the shaking hands of a man who doesn't know what to do next. As the pieces slowly fall. "It's fine," I say. "It's fine," that after every moment I lose a little more of myself. "At least I haven't gone this far yet." pointing deeper into the well, to be honest, who am I to judge the depth in the well of depravity when I wash my face in its waters. I have no time for eating, sleeping, I only drink from the well. In the end. it's all I need and all I want.

We did not go softly into the night
From our homes our voices screamed
From our windows our hearts bled
From our room our bones broke
Our solace was never given to us in the form of a parent
Our solace was taken away when they broke the lock on our doors
When we find no where to run but the edge of the blade
"Life is hard or life isn't fair," yea that's what you say
But I say it's the people, the people who make it this way
Can you close your eyes and shut your ears but open your heart?
Don't feel sorry, feel compassion and join the fight
Because that's all we want
A friend
Ya know?
that'd be tight.

one heart broken
two blood shot eyes
a cup of humility
a dash of kindness
and let it sit for a week
this is the recipe for new beginnings