To the next girl
To the next girl, I hope you fall in love with his blue eyes and big smile.
I hope you notice everything about him. Notice how his eyes glow when he’s smiling. Cherish his smile, because you don’t see it as often as you should.
I hope you listen to his problems but don’t try to fix them because he insists on doing that himself.
I hope you learn that to him, trust is everything. All it takes is one time, one mistake  and it will go away.
I hope you are okay with the fact that one minute he will play a country song and sing his heart out then the next he’ll have on rap and just bob his head occasionally saying the lyrics.
I hope you meet his mom and she loves you. I hope she brags about you to him, about how lucky he is.
But don’t let that fool you, he isn’t the lucky one. You are
I hope you make him happy, because I failed to do so.
I hope you’re okay with his bad habits, because he won’t change for anyone.
I hope you’re okay with hanging out with his friends, because his friends are his brothers and they mean the world to him.
I hope you know that even if he doesn’t tell you he cares, he does.
I hope you know that he’s broken even though he seems so strong. He needs you to build him back up.
I hope you play with his little sister. She doesn’t talk much but if you pick her up and spin her around I guarantee she will scream “Again! Again!”
I hope you introduce him to your family, let him come over, let him meet your dad, your mom, brothers and sisters.
To the next girl
I hope he loves you back.

9/12/15*
What he didn’t know
What he didn’t know was that she knew she wasn’t enough. She knew that right now he’s begging her to be his, but in 6 months he’d be begging her to leave him alone. What he didn’t know was that she knew she wasn’t enough.
What he didn’t know was that she knew he could make her happy, but she couldn’t make him happy.  He didn’t believe her when she told him so. He insisted that she was overthinking it and that everything would work out just fine. What he didn’t know was that she knew he could make her happy, but she couldn’t make him happy.
What he didn’t know was that her life was a lot more complicated than what it seemed. She made her life out to be something it wasn’t. No one knew about her childhood. No one knew about her depression. No one knew how many times she wanted to die, but didn’t have the guts to make it happen. What he didn’t know was that her life was a lot more complicated than what it seemed.
What he didn’t know was that she was incapable of being loved. Every guy that has come along has tried and left. She knew she was a lot to handle. She tried to make it easier, but insecurities could have killed her. What he didn’t know was that she was incapable of being loved.
What he didn’t know was that she loved him. He couldn’t tell by the constant phone calls, constant text messages, tweets, and snapchats. He couldn’t tell by how she always wanted to be with him. He couldn’t tell by her always wanting to touch him, to be held by him, to be kissed by him. He couldn’t tell by her smile. What he didn’t know was that she loved him.
She thought he was different. She thought that they were different.
What she didn’t know was he was the same, and so was she.
What he didn’t know was he couldn’t handle her, and she told him so.

All I want is to be enough.
I want to be skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough.
All I want is to be enough.
I want to look in the mirror and not hate everything I see.
I want to wake up in the morning and not wish that I was still sleeping.
Because when you sleep, you escape reality.
And in reality I am not enough.

All I want is to be enough.

I couldn't stand to sleep next to someone.
Something about the way each breath wasn't in sync or hearing a heart beat that was too fast/too slow really bothered me.
That all changed.
The night we stayed up and laughed and talked.
The night I truly realized , that it was I who was in love. And I was in love with you.
Sleeping next to you seemed like it was meant to be.
Waking up next to you was even better.
Now I sit at home struggling to fall asleep to the sound of my own breath, my own heartbeat.
I struggle with not having you by my side anymore.

Fix me
I need you to fix me.  
I need you here.
I need you here to hold me tight
I need you to tell me to fight
Fix me
Tell me what I need to hear
Tell me everything you've always wanted to say
Tell me that everything will be okay
Tell me that it's okay to cry
Fix me
Hold my hand
Wipe away my tears
Make me laugh
Make me believe I'm all you've ever wanted.
Fix me.