011725


I remember the moments
whenever I see your face,
whenever I speak your name,
or when I wander into places
where it felt like you were there.

When you brushed the baby hairs from my cheek
and whispered, "You're worth it."
When you held my hand,
leading us to pray with words,
"Lord, we don’t know why we’re here."

When you sent me verses,
effortlessly sharing encouraging reels,
when you called and told me stories
of how God had moved in your day.

When you knew how to calm me,
your voice, a soothing balm,
leading me away from noon’s harsh sun
so I wouldn’t be scorched by its rays.

When peace came so naturally with you,
and I imagined you as the father of my children,
never giving me cause for doubt or jealousy,
telling me, "You're the most beautiful in my eyes."

The sweetest things are found in the smallest details,
but you gave up so easily,
even after promising to wait,
even after saying you'd never stop praying for me.

But I guess those days are over,
and I have my own regrets.
I was too afraid to let go and choose you,
so you became the man who got away.

I hope you understand how much you meant to me,
how real it all was.
I only wish I had known—
before it was too late.

Please,
don’t spill
your glass
of dreams.

They will soak
the rug,
be absorbed
by the mass,
flatten out,
washed away,
and forgotten.

So, ease
into doubts.
All to do
Is endure
for another day.

That day, my tears surrendered—

no flood, no fight, just silence.
It stopped feeling,

as if watching Nagasaki fall,

a mushroom cloud rising, 

bodies frozen,
shadows left behind,

no scream, no running—

just acceptance.
You built a void within me,

 an implosion of despair,

and sealed it shut.

I want something sweet on the tip of my tongue,
a strawberry, some coolwhip, and coconut ***
I need it to send dopamine to my brain,
I want to stop laying here, going insane
Ice cream and syrup and sprinkles could do,
But after it all,
I'm still craving you.

Three Men in Black, cloaked in despair—

One fights the aliens that aren’t really there,
Their shapes distort, their voices deceive,
A battle unending, no chance to reprieve.

One hides his pain beneath the guise,
A silent scream behind his eyes.

One mourns the fallen, dressed in grief,
By graves that whisper no relief.

Three Men in Black, the same, the same,
Lost to shadows none can name.

In the hush of your name, a storm is stilled,
A prayer, weightless as dusk fading to nothing.
You pour through my veins, dissolving into me,
A secret I've longed to keep.

Swallow me whole—consume my need,
Until silence is all, and our voices are gone.
I crave your stillness,
A balm that heals yet burns—
My anchor, though I float between breath and oblivion.

You cannot stay forever,
And I cannot breathe without you.
What is life but a flame too long held?
A flicker that burns and fades.

I drag this weight,
 each step a crime against the ground.

Am I a ghost,

too solid to slip away,

or an animal,
 broken, bent,
 flesh tight with the burden of living?

I cannot call myself human—

humans ache with love,

but I am jagged,
 a wound that won't heal.

Too wild to tame,

too hollow to be held.

Time to vanish—

to dissolve into night,

my absence felt by none.