I want to feel euphoria
I want to feel his hands on my body
I want to feel him entering me
I want to feel his lips on mine
I want to feel the shivers his touch brings to my body

I want to physically feel something
Because I don’t emotionally

I can’t get out of bed
I can’t swing my legs over the edge
And place my feet on the ground
My mom says it’s because I’m lazy
But little does she know

I hate going to school
I hate walking into the building
I hate walking the hallways
I hate getting up to go to the bathroom
My teachers say it’s because I’m lazy
But little do they know

I won’t do my homework
I won’t try to focus on a sheet of paper
I won’t try to type of a three-page essay
I won’t spend hours trying to figure out what they’re asking of me
My friends say it’s because I’m lazy
But little do they know

I want to be rich
So I never have to worry
I want to have all the money in the world
So I can finally feel comfort
I want to be powerful
So I can feel in control
I want to have power
So I can truly have control

I want money
I want power

I don’t want to be loved
I don’t deserve it
Because all I will do
Is bring them down with me
So instead
I will live angry
Angry that I can’t be loved
Angry that I don’t deserve love
Angry that I am unlovable
Angry that the world is against me
Angry at everybody
Angry at myself
Angry

I want more chocolate
To help mend my broken heart

I want more alcohol
To help me forget my problems

I want her pin-straight hair
I want her sun-kissed skin
I want her piercing blue eyes
I want her little button nose
I want her plump lips
I want her long legs
I want her skinny arms
I want her flat stomach
I want her round ***
I want her curvy hips

I want to have his money
I want to live in his house
I want to be in his family
I want to have his car

I want their confidence
I want their fierceness
I want their self-love
I want their happiness

I want to look just like her
I want to live his luxurious life
I want to have their personality

I tell myself that
I am better than everyone else
I tell myself that
I can beat them all
I tell myself that
I will win
I tell myself that
I will triumph
I tell myself that
I will dominate
I tell myself that
I am the greatest
And I will continue to
Tell myself this
Until I finally believe it