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 Dec 2018
Lilly Mavis
I appear to be a wayward daughter,
already headed towards the slaughter.

My misguided acts of intimacy
Have been misinterpreted as acts of
Defiance and greed without intricacy,
Never thought of as a girl’s search for love.

I was focused on my broken parts.
I looked to love as a form of repair.
That is exactly when the soul departs.
Soulless, I let myself into their snare.

That wasn’t truly me who gave it up.
I am left with more damage than before.
Still worth more than an abusive hookup.
They will wreak havoc but I’m still the *****.
 Dec 2018
eileen
ᵍⁱᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ

ᴵ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᴵ ʷᵃⁿᵗ

ᵃʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵐᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ʲᵒᵏᵉˢ
ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵃᵍᵃⁱⁿ

ᵍⁱᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ

ᴵ ⁿᵉᵉᵈ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵉˢʰ ᵃⁱʳ

ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ʷʰᵒˡᵉ ʷᵒʳˡᵈ
ᵇᵒᵗᵗˡᵉᵈ ᵘᵖ
ⁱⁿ ᵐʸ ᶜʰᵉˢᵗ

ⁱᶠ ᴵ ʰᵃᵈ
ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵒᵘʳᵃᵍᵉ

ᴵ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ˡᵉᵗ ⁱᵗ ʳᵃⁱⁿ ᵈᵒʷⁿ
ᶜʳᵉᵃᵗᵉ ᵃⁿ ᵒᶜᵉᵃⁿ

ᵍⁱᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ

ᴵ'ᵐ ᶠᵉᵉˡⁱⁿᵍ ᵖʳᵉˢˢᵘʳᵉᵈ

ᵗᵒᵈᵃʸ ᴵ ᶠᵉᵉˡ
ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᴵ'ˡˡ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ⁱᵗ

ᴵᵗ ʷᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˡᵃˢᵗ

ˡᵉᵗ ᵐᵉ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ

ᴵ'ᵛᵉ ˡᵒˢᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᶠᵒʳᵐ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵘⁿⁱᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ

ᵐʸ ᵉʸᵉˢ ᵐᵘˢᵗ ᵇᵉ ᵖⁱᵗᶜʰ ᵇˡᵃᶜᵏ

ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ
ˢᵉᵉ ᵐʸ ᵖᵃⁱⁿ

you forget the experience I have
with death

you forget
I've dealt
with inner demons

yₒᵤ cₐₙ'ₜ ₛₑₑ
ₘy ₚₐᵢₙ

ₙₒbₒdy ₐₛₖₑd ₘₑ ᵢf ᵢ'ₘ ₒₖₐy

【I'm so infuriated
I'm furious】

ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ
ɪ'ᴍ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍᴀᴅ
 Dec 2018
eileen
Mother hold me close
The world will end soon
Come blood moon
wash away my sins
everyday I see the sky less
I wonder how many perfect moments I've missed
I hope the world burns
in January
I'll be here till the end
I won't be saved
I'm not asking to be saved
Mother hold me
there's a fire burning
in my brain

Please listen

You can't buy my happiness

I wish you could

You can't hug away my sadness

I wish I could

Please listen

I'm begging

Please

Say something
Forgive me I'm the fallen
 Dec 2018
Matterhorn
the other night,
i had a dream;
usually,
i don’t remember
my dreams—
those unconscious
musings
of my mind—
but this night
was different;
maybe it had
something to do
with the fact
that i had fallen
in the shower
half an hour
before laying it
down on the
pillow...

...a trickle of
blood running
down my forehead,
transforming quite
alarmingly into
a babbling brook
consisting entirely
of chocolate milk;
my raft bobbed
up and down,
the demon who
haunts my nightmares
now clad in a
tuxedo—
a nice change
from the bright
pink trench coat
he usually wears...

...the demon’s
strong hands
propel the
craft forward
with a rather
Huckleberry Finn-like
affectation;
i turn my
attention from
my oldest friend
to the shore,
sparkling with
broken glass,
thumbtacks,
and mathematical
equations;
there,
i glimpse my classmates
doing burpees...

...suddenly,
a car crash
occurs;
the chocolate milk
becomes a very
narrow,
winding road,
the end of which
is obscured by
an angsty cloud
of disappointment;
the elevator
plummets horizontally toward
the 3rd sub-basement
of the shower;
my friend in
the tuxedo offers me
a steaming
cup of hot chocolate...

...which burned
my tongue,
causing me to cackle
wildly
and toss the
mug into the
abyss;
“******* cup!”
i scream,
utilizing my
full lung capacity
as i begin to
fall again,
down,
down,
down;
and then i was awake,
sweating, bleeding;
i may have a concussion...
© Ethan M. Pfahning 2018
 Dec 2018
Eleanor Sinclair
Do I dare say that I wish I was invisible
That people didn’t look at me and on the streets I could walk peacefully
No shady eyes or stares
Perhaps it’s my paranoia and perhaps nobody cares
The thing that gets me the most about life
Is the insurmountable amount of hype
I get it’s a gift and believe me, I’m grateful
But this distasteful existence I lead is starting to get to my head
Like the smell of cigarettes in my mothers car
No matter how far the drive I would hold my breath and hope to survive
I kind of feel like life is this way
Because despite my actions day to day I still wonder why I’m here and what is it that I walk on the street and fear
Is it the people and their perceptions
Or is it me and how I view myself
Fearful of astral projecting it onto everybody else
If they thought of me the way I think of me then holy hell what a different world this would be
I can’t understand why I float about here in space
But in case you were wondering I’m here for love and it doesn’t matter if you call me a disgrace
I think the man I’m in love with is from heaven above
And yes it’s unconventional, after all we live in to separate worlds
But he sees me for me and not my childish comments as a girl
For a second can you think what it would be like to not exist?
That’s a crisis all in itself and scientists are always ****** when you ask them what comes next in life for the dead
They can’t wrap their head around not being here
So they discount the new studies that come out every year
I don’t know what to believe and I really don’t care
Just get me away from this place so I can leave and be fine
I want to disappear like an erased pencil line
 Dec 2018
Lye
Sometimes I wish
I could just crawl out of
My body
My mind
Escape myself
And be free of thoughts
Feelings
And everything in between
Everything
That has ever caused me pain
And for a moment,
Just a sliver of a moment,
May I simply
just
be
 Nov 2018
eileen
let my skin heal
my scars
died
into dead leaves
it's winter
they're all dead

piles of burgundy
on the concrete

don't wait outside for me
I'll always stay inside

thank you
for loving
my words
and lies

I believe I have no face

slowly
waves crashed
creating
a face

within the words
and endless letters
 Nov 2018
Brooke P
Compulsive in the mirror
my sickening love affair,
the secret pact
crush and go
a 5k through my vessels
drag me out
skin stretched over
bones most conspicuous
up all night
and morning slips in
so quietly,
I don't even notice.

Roll me up and
breathe me in,
again and again
heart fluttering
listening through the hush
of a world I no longer inhabit
living amongst the stars
unless I'm crashing down.
How I wish I didn't
look back on you fondly,
but it's all I've ever wanted
until it's everything I don't.
 Nov 2018
eileen
drinking
water
tea
milk
liquor

lips dry
fingernails
bad conditions
skin is rotting

where do I find such desire
to take care of myself

to love me

skin
on fire

I can't listen
I can hear nothing

windows rattling

I'm afraid one speck of skin
torn off
will tear me apart
 Nov 2018
eileen
Ela
I'm sorry I didn't say thank you

Those weren't my intentions

I almost killed somebody

Don't you mind

I'm having a heart attack

8 AM

I've arrived

Heaven's gates
are closed
my soul is trapped

Eternal flames
cover my body
I'll burn alive

I'm gonna miss somebody

No one minds
 Nov 2018
eileen
tomorrow you will carry my corpse
I won't say goodbye
10w
 Nov 2018
eileen
She's walking into a forest
With a green nightgown

Looking for answers
under the small moon

Orion's belt
on top
of the roof

I got no time
for the trouble in my eyes

I'm looking behind
I can't change
there's no end
to this pain
it'll bloom in the winter
wash away with spring's fears

I stayed up all night
the morning sky looked like a dream

If dreams feel so real
why does my reality wake up to a daze
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