It's been a sentimental month
filled with sweat, tears, and fake smiles
Impulsive actions
sleeping early in the morning
Sixteen years have gone by
She's getting sentimental again
this month has been a raging storm
much like the one in Jupiter

Sixteen years have passed
She's sentimental

City walks
under the street lights
uneasy
quiet feelings

driving in the rain
waiting to get there

///////////the/////////////////////////////////////////////
///////sun//////////////////////////////////////////////////
////////////will//////////////////////////rise/////////////
///////in///////////delight///////////////////////////////

I know the world is inside a dark time
the moon lies silent
the sun isn't singing

There will come a time
soon
We'll have a moment of peace

The earth will take a deep breath

The moon will start dancing
and the sun will sing its lullaby

There was a time
when I asked questions

I received answers

Now such thing is a disaster

Keep my thoughts to myself
locked in a box

I'm a heavy cloud
waiting to rain down

darkness reigns
inside me

living in a butterfly dream

There's a constant storm in my ear

We all love in good nature

I live in silence

I must remind myself this is real
I'm living
these moments I live
living by the ocean

Flash through my eyes
It's like holding onto a leafs stem
in the middle of a hurricane

Don't want the city lights to reach an end

It's only the beginning
of a rainy night

Passing cars
The sea calls to my heart

A fire
A rain

Love from a place
almost stabbed me to death

I feel my blood push and pulling
within the waves

I must hold on

remind me this is reality

Moments like these pass too quickly

Visions
Orange hues burning like a fever

The night can hold so much pain
filled with chances,
bright lights

hi hello
what's your darkest truth

black holes
******* in all common sense
feeling a little like outer space
my blood filled with stardust

name me
like an unknown
alien

I'll show you the galaxy

I've got no home
everywhere I go

temporary
floors

hey
are you still hurting

I should've known
you would hurt me

why am I so naive

never thought you would make me feel so small
so gone

I'm not going back

don't talk
don't think
don't look at me


I'm rotting
inside my own heart

thank you

for killing me

All the noise in my head
Doesn't let me sleep

It has become customary to press a blade to the inside of my left wrist when she tells me I am worthless.

I ache for the blood to seep from my damaged skin, pumped through my body from my damaged heart.

I sit in silence and wait; for him to come in and comfort me, to show me care and compassion, but he doesn’t.
Not anymore.

It’s hours.

I made a plan in seventh grade that the anklet would stop the burn of silver.

Anklets break.
Promises break.
It all becomes okay.

After the death of my grandmother, the last time I thought I would do it, I found a red string.

Tied it around my ankle.

Promised myself I would never do it whilst it was on.

But bad days exist.
And so do scissors.

And everlasting stress that never leaves and an easy way to feel without feeling.

Blood bubbles when it seeps through the gaps in your skin.

And it hurts but what hurts more is the ache in your chest when she tells you
you're stupid
             you don't respect me
                        you owe use
                                    we own you
                                                I want to hit you
                                                            c­hange your attitude, girl
                                                            ­            Watch out
                                                             ­                       Obey me
                                                              ­                                                             I AM YOUR MOTHER  

as if mother, was a synonym for god.

Guilt and hurt and god how did I end up here again?

It's knowing the answer.

Its knowing blame is bad and modesty is good and pain is for the ones who love but love is for the ones who are free from pain.

It's having to keep silent because asking for support is like giving her another bullet
            another thing to say
                        another reason to want to die

And when you pick your own crying body up off the floor, bruises from biting and pinching and hitting and clumps of hair and tissues of blood,

It's being alone.  

Its the eerie silence that follows.

It's concealer on wrists. It's looking down to avoid eye contact. Its wishing someone would ******* notice.

it's structured loneliness.

it's the skills you had to learn all alone.

It's fighting for breath, not knowing whether to stop or breathe.

It's about helping others

                                                               ­         before ever helping yourself

It's being called worthless at the bottom of bad days

It's your own problems magnified because you don't hide them well enough

                                    It's hurting
                                                                ­       and I want it to stop

I write as the blade is pressed to my wrist once again.

Hold me in a dark embrace
In the black stillness of the night.
Vanish the light from the day,
Allow only the stars to come out to play.

Hide me in an obsidian blanket
Where I can sit in quite silence.
Let me disappear into the night,
Silently watching as an owl in flight.

Include me in your onyx cover
So that I may think in cleaver wonder,
As the moon creates a soothing calm
And my body stills in your nightly song.
-ALC

The old days
where I hated everyone
now all I hate is myself

The old days
where I wanted to jump out the window

Is
now me closing them to keep myself inside

My mind is over flowing
with secrets and lies

years ago
I felt this heavy feeling

Is it back

I don't hate anyone
I don't love myself enough

I find reasons to stay
hold onto them
with a grip so tight
I'm left with bruises

It's still better
than not waking up
to another morning

I see things from the corner of my eye
I've never told anyone that

shadows
walk
back and forth
on my front porch

a man
a lost woman

the monster under my bed
now lies beside me

when you asked me an important question
I lied to you

be happy
it wasn't to your face

camouflaged in the dark
If I see things
I should be their friend

Your God blessed me with no sound

I'll never hear the shadows
walk around me

The sound of rain
falling on
the ceiling
/ \ \

My ears are hurting
from my recent piercing

I've been ignoring someone
that I know I'll talk to in a few days

The street outside
is flooded

everyone has gone to sleep
and have nothing to dream of

I can hear the rain fall
the puddles with rain drops

There is no storm

no lightning

Just me
and the heavy clouds

Let me sleep now

in a dream full of rain

I got this feeling

a morning sun

my inbox empty
pages are ripped and burned
into the wind

I got this feeling
a late evening

I never saw you again
don't hurry
I'll see you again
don't worry

I got this heavy feeling
I'm sorry

sleeping with the windows open

three walls
everyone knows where I am

let me see you again
without feeling regret

I know this feeling
of plastic love

a love that is not real
I only imagined it

I'm just playing games