I cried today
Because I realized that I
no longer expect you
to walk through the door.

I don't look at the corner
of the back yard
expecting to see you there
working on something.

I don't plan our dinners
based on your favorite foods
or worry over when the food
hits the table.

We eat when we eat
We eat whatever
It really no longer matters
You were the picky one.

I cried today
Because I realized
something that broke my heart....
I'm used to you being gone.

Mothers crawl home on all fours
and fathers crack their hammers
into the temples of the moon.

The dogs are long gone.

The children of catastrophe
flick their knives at the sun,

shuffling from ruin to ruin
in their parents’ heavy boots,

stepping over the skeletons
of buildings and hummingbirds.

The children of catastrophe whet
their blades on the skulls of childhood.

They shave their heads
and argue about the history
of chandeliers and ballrooms.

The frogs at the water’s edge
expand into dumb balloons.

Hunted by an army of hollow men,
we race toward the sound of a dog
barking at the edge of the world.

We sleep in shifts,
cursing moonlight.

In our dreams,
the horizon binds us
with a blinding flash—

your hand in mine,
our cells married
and incandescent:

each to each,
ash to ash.

"True friends are like diamonds,
Precious but rare,
Fake friends are like dry fallen leaves,
And unfortunately they are found everywhere"

...
What is good that could be bad
even things are thin or fat
when rumor run like a cat
could be good or bad
I judge, you judge
with or without cause
As I feel or As you think
In the dark or in the pink
What is good that could be bad
if there a false can be add
unexpected reality become so sad
but one day there a true feel you had
What is bad that could be good
when truth stands on own foot
of course false has broken down
you made those even with steel or wood
.....
@Musfiq us shaleheen

As we walk,
You tell me
that the silt from the river
has built up over the years
creating a new bank
with flowers
and plants
making the best of the rich soil.
As you speak,
I note the sound of your voice
and wish
I could sink in
and grow
like the foxgloves
in the mud.

~for lovejunkie, who loved this poem best~

so many reasons,
so many stones
yet unturned,
for each poem
a season,
for every season,
a given reason

eyes, dimmer,
hearing, harder,
memories, ha,
disappear as fast as
footsteps upon
my island beach

this then
my log,
of places momentarily visited,
capturing the of,
of me,
the exactitude of
where, when and what
I felt

what felled me,
the long and lat,
of the attitudes
of breeze and currents,
the happenstance that carries
a desperate soul
eager and afraid
to remember

"how fragile we are"

so memorized records here,
for his storage and his places,
both filled and unfulfilled,

poems, nothing more,
flawed each,
product of a flawed man,
here, for all to see,
most of all,
for the man,
to see himself
when the eyes of his mind
at last be shuttered

We are our addictions
If not we wouldn't be willing to
Bleed so quick
On an endless search to find like minded companies
When we are successful we dig in
Casting out whitty barb edged hooks
Exotic, ****** verse to shock and ensnare
I can feel yours just as easily as I feel myself sinking into you
Our chaotic experience of the waking world
Leaked out on paper, line after scathing line
Consume. Saturate. Devour. Paralyze.
We soak up the mysteries.
The miseries.
And everything in between
Sharing and tearing
Scaring and airing
Naked. Open. Bare.
Our soul fire burns up quick and bright like coal
The smoke often just as *****
Eclipsing preconceived notions
You know nothing of our dark pleasures
Aching secrets that have us wandering into the night
In search of something.
Thousands of words but never enough
Always searching for something
Our indulgences outweigh your pride
We will air your laundry too, uncaring
Just enough to shame and cower
Our only vulnerability is our inability to succeed from our talents
For it is only in death that we find **immortality

I smell like ***
Air heavy with the palpable heat of I-Cannot-Sleep arousal
Why do you have to be so delicious?
You gorgeous, bearded, mind fogging  *******
I rage at you from miles away
Crackling edges of my ire willing you to wake
The wet, slippery heat of my core begging for you to take a taste
To give relief
Strung so tight you could play me without tuning
Your deft fingers ringing such sweet melodies
In the soft silence that is all I have for a caress
My self-rung sighs speak volumes

Is it okay that I still love you?
Even knowing what you did?
I knew nothing at the time
Hell, I was just a kid

I sometimes got the feeling
That maybe you were mean
But I'd push it from my mind
Like some forgotten dream

You used to tell me stories
Before I'd go to sleep
You shared with me imagination
But kept your secrets hidden deep

As I grew into a woman
You gave me great advice
You taught me to be honest
For to lie you pay a price

You told me I was beautiful
And you loved to hear me sing
I never felt you judge me
I could tell you any thing

By then my sister and brother
Had left to escape your fury
You made us think they alone were guilty
A swift exile by judge and jury

I believed they were to blame
Yes, I believed your lies
Even though Dad's heart was broken
Even when I heard his cries

As the years progressed
You shared a little of your tale
About your ******* of a father
And how he put you all through hell

Your last years were full of pain
You suffered much before your death
You begged them for forgiveness
Then you took your final breath

But the damage was too great
And we would not recover
We remained estranged
From our sister and our brother

Since your death I've learned the truth
What you did, and what was done to you
My hearts breaks for the abuse you gave
And the hell that you went through

Now my heart is so confused
I don't know how to feel
Is it okay to love you?
Is the woman I knew even real?

I can't explain it any better
And I don't know what to do
I wish some one would just tell me
Is it okay to love you?