You should believe in love, girl
One day it's going to find you
Love will say your name
and you're going to fall

It's going to be okay

When it's real and unmoving
At your side when you're low
Love will say your name
and girl, you're going to fall

It's okay

All I write are empty pages filled with words
Trying to let out demons I locked in
To convey that I'm not okay
I'm broken inside
Nothing helps
I'm alone
I'm dying
Drowning
Nothing helps
I can't stop the pain anymore
Peace is just the time between waves of pain
Everything that is good that steps into my life
Gets taken away from me
Pushed out the door
So I'm sorry
I'm sorry
For being alone
For dying
For drowning
In thoughts not my own
I'm broken
Please leave me alone
You don't want to see me like this
You don't
Please go
please...

This very day I was snatched from the edge,
My toes were just teetering over the ledge,
My mind is as clear as a brand new fish bowl,
Yet I made preparations to cease with this toll.

A mixture of chemicals, low mood and fear,
Made me think I no longer want to be here,
While I love all who know me, doesn't prevent,
Stop the world, let me off, I'm done paying rent.

But a voice on the line tricked me into defeat,
Using guilt tactics, promises, lies and deceit,
So I'm back to the lull of survival mode now,
For a while at least, step off the ledge, silly cow...


(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

There is a fear resting on this brain
Fear of obsolescence too young
Use used up too early
Spidering across my mind's eye
It is
Unsettling
To be old at a young age
In body & mind
The mirror shows your youth but
Cannot discover the years within
Everyone says "You're so young you have your whole life ahead of you!"
(It's such an oxymoron, your whole life is only ever behind you... If people cared to think they would learn this)

Young
young
y o u n g
Is it just a number?
Do I have to bury friends and family before I'm considered old?
Where is the invisible threshold that I must have passed when I was a child? Or a teen?
I haven't pocketed my third decade but my
HEART
                    is
HEAVY

I long to die but I'm scared to die so I just want to die so I stop thinking about death all the time. People will get over me.
If I'm (un)lucky my words won't be remembered
Most words are memories we want to forget
Yet we write them down
To the deep parts of our souls
Etch them in our marble foundations
Hoping out dreams will show them some nights
But I want to forget it all

I'm old ******
If you don't believe me ask my friends
If you don't believe them ask the dead
If you don't believe them stop reading
Because you were never listening in the first place
Just waiting for your turn to talk
To say I'm nonsensical
To eNcOuRaGe mE to lOoK fOrWaRd
When forward doesn't exist yet
By the time it does it's just more minutes
Stacked on my back
Days stacked on my back
Months stacked
Years stacked
Until you call me old
and I tell you I've been here the whole time

(You just chose not to believe)

When
Champagne
And
Chocolate
Comes
Together

Magic happens

          

friends that i've lost
i remember you in my heart
your graves stand tall and polished

promises
   that you wouldn't leave
promises
   that what we had meant something

i hate every time you go
without even a goodbye
it hurts more and more inside

promises
   don't mean much anymore
promises
   are an untold lie

someone take this damaged soul
i have no need for it anymore
just let me die under this moon