He repeated the words
"No one will ever love you"
so many times
that I started to believe him,

and I'm in need of constant
reassurance that I'm safe
because everything he did
plays on repeat in my head,
and I feel as if
I never really escaped it at all.

I got so used to
holding my breath in his presence,
I don't think he noticed me
fading away.

-k.w//Fading

i want a love that is pure & raw
i want a passion that is unattached & wild
i want a loyalty that is truthful & undoubted
i want a connection that is founded in friendship but retires in love
i want a partner that i can become a master of the universe with
and we will live above all the lies
and the jealous
and the vindictiveness
of modern relationships
we will live and love like the gods we were born to be
i want a life of romance and travel
of creation and expression
of being unraveled
and naked and bare
and be taken in
in all of my everythingness
& in all of my nothingness
without question or hesitation
just compassion sparked elation
i want to live in innocence by sun light
and in sin by star light
i want a love that's big enough to save the world
but not so big that i can't save myself
a love too deep to even fathom or understand or relay by words
but one that would never drown you
in need, attachment, obsession, or sacrifice
i want something i fear will never truly be
as more then just a figment of all my fantasies
i will wait and wander and meet all i can meet
and until i find the one i want, i'll be the one for me.

I did think we were a match
Made in heaven
And like a match
Made in heaven
Only you can light up this fire
That burns deep in my soul

are we ever
sure what
we have
is ours

I go about my day
good mother that I am
No one understands
How when I stop moving
                           cooking
                           helping
                          cleaning
                      ­   teaching
                         hugging
           mending little hearts    
No one can understand
How my own heart is   longing
                                  craving
               ­                  missing
                                cracking
                ­                splitting
not quitting
                    yet breaking
No one knows of my secret pain
buried deep inside
within fissures of steaming earth
My passion fighting
to be released
from my burning skin
My heart beats out twigs and soil
as it clamours to be loved
My hands reach out
to the stars
into the void of endless want
Help me, heavens above
My empty lips implore
Let my prayers be
answered, too

I want more

The air I breathe suffocates
The world swallows me whole
Anxiety is normal
It is as natural as breathing
I crumble into a ball and become hysterical  
The downward spiral of life is too much
I'm drowning and not sure if I'll ever return to the surface