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 Jun 2016
NV
and i have never really understood why i hate luggage.
why i barely own handbags,
and would much rather fit the necessities in my purse.
why school didn't seem so bad if i had less books on my back.

i had never really understood why i hated so much baggage.

until i realised that it was because i already had all of me,
to carry.
 Jun 2016
Torin
My dystopia is a blue and gray painting
A blurry eyed vision of you losing your smile
A slurred and distorted visit to a promise broken
It's watching the wind defeat the ocean
My fears and worries so great
They weigh down my hope
And bring my dreams to an underground dispair
A seven knotted rope becoming a noose
My dystopia is knowing that you love me
A star-crossed heaven and funeral pyres
Its silence and darkness as a home
Its bitter ashes from a dead sun
A black hole that swallows
An empty earth we shared
Finally meeting the event horizon
Its our destruction
My dystopia is the thought you walk
Away and always as all I need
It's watching as you leave me
Forever
 May 2016
Morgan
i've been nauseous every day this week
because i've been staying up until
the sun rises trying to remember
the way your eyes look
when you're in love

and i know
the universe is huge,
i'm always moving from place to place
but of everywhere i've ever been
the only place i ever crave
is your creeky back porch,
with the chipped green paint,
that i'd always peel back
when we were fighting
and i was anxious

still when my heart drops
and my hands shake
i wanna peel back
that chipped green paint
-

-

the night before you
slammed my front door
for the last time,
you were curled up in a ball
on the opposite side of the mattress,
and i was wishing you'd hold me
but i kind of knew you never would again

i said,
"i know nothing lasts forever
but i thought we were worth a miracle"

and you said,
"my apathy just got the best of me,
i don't feel you in my fingertips,
you don't send shivers
down my spine,
not anymore.
& i just don't miss
you when you leave,
your kisses never stick,
not anymore."

-

-
today i woke up
feeling like i never slept
and yesterday i went to bed
feeling like i was never even awake
...
venus keeps cartwheeling
backwards and no one knows why;
stars keep falling right out of the sky
and you're the only thing
that's been on my mind
 Apr 2016
Rapunzoll
I stay up for the moons
Quiet gaze
The light by the bedside
Carves shadows of you
Into my bare frame
The air itself is naked
Vulnerable of all scent.
I kissed you thrice,
One on the lips
For devotion,
One on the ribs of
Your teeth,
On the elbow of your
Favourite book.
As all writers do.
I created that arched frame
That pulled your
Tendons tight
To my inked sheets,
Shot you into blind space,
While I teethed on
The bow of your
Fingertips
Our skin tarmac,
There was roadworks
Of our bed.
Toes dancing morbidly
Between bursting stars
While night gulls
And ravens watched
Through the window
Waiting to peck
At the mangled carcass
Of our hearts.
© copyright
 Apr 2016
complexify
Diamonds, spades, hearts, and ace,
Whenever I see you, my heart will race.
It happens, every time.
 Apr 2016
Akira Chinen
I was trapped by a picture
And softly my finger
Traced her eyes
Her lips
And trembled
As running slowly
Along the line
Of her hair
And I felt like
A madman
At the end of the ocean
In the secret dark depths
  Of the sea
And I felt like I was
Drowning
And dreaming
And falling
And finding a new world
Where everything
Was upside down
But felt
Right side up
I saw mermaids flying
Above a sun
And dragons swimming
With me as I was lost
In this sea
Monsters crawled
Out from under
Beds and closets and mirrors
And waves crashed
And storms screamed
And rain fell
With acid
And razors
And warnings
Everything
Shouting
Run boy
...
Run
...

And
I stood there
Still as could be
Smiling
As the rain cut
Through my skin
Then dissolving
My bones
Until all that was
Left
Was my
Heart
And my
Ghost
And we danced
My heart, ghost
And me
We danced
With the monsters
And laughed
At the rain
And we sang
Without voices
And we moved
Without bones
And we stumbled
Upon a lost
Tree under
This sea
And a house
Was hiding
Amongst its
Branches and
Leaves
And my hands
Trembled
And my heart
Raced
As I knew
If I dared
Climb
Up
What I would
Find
Not just
Her picture
Not just
Her face
It would
Be her
Everything
Her monsters
And loathing
Her darkness
And demons
Her bruises
And scars
Her past
And
Secrets
And
Doubts
And under
All of her
Everything
Was
Her heart
And
Her hopes
And
Her dreams
And
Her eyes
Which
Held a
Light
Which hid
An endless
Ocean
Where
Only madmen
Could see
The truth
Of her
Beauty
And
Love
My heart
Said climb
My feet
Said run
But all
I had left was
My heart
And my
Ghost
I couldn't
Climb
I couldn't
Run
I could not
Even make
A sound
She was
Waiting
And
Hiding
And
I was helplessly
Stuck far down
Below
 Apr 2016
mk
for the longest time, i regretted not having a future with you. in my head were images of a small apartment on the 5th floor in new york city with beige interior and cups of half-finished coffee on the kitchen table: interrupted because our lips were busy doing something else, somewhere else. i created stories of early morning i love yous and wake up in the middle of the night i need yous. slowly intertwined within each of my regret-driven what-ifs was the idea of you being good, being loving, being kind and generous. brave and protective. idealistic and creative and ready to take on the world with me. i dreamed you so deep that i created a whole other you: one that i'm realizing now, never existed.
the delusion set in and i found myself loving a man that never was. i was so caught up with longing for you that i forgot who you really were. i wonder now, how could i forget? all the nights you'd keep me waiting and all the love you poured down the drain. how could i forget the beatings that drove me insane? maybe i'm not waking with the taste of kisses but at least there are no cuts. maybe i'm not missing you too much to eat but at least i'm not puking out my guts. you told me i was worthless and impure; and here i am yearning to be called yours?

God, oh, Lord, i dodged a bullet.

i heard the other day that you found someone new. its funny because she looks like me and i can see how you keep trying to find someone to fill my shoes. i want to reach out to her and tell her to run. he preys on the young and the innocent, i want to yell at the top of my lungs. he's making you laugh now but baby girl you'll just cry. you'll think i'm crazy for saying this and even though i hope you never do, i know you'll soon understand why. me and him, we both loved the same person and now you do too. he never loved me and he'll never love you. your fair arms don't deserve the bruises and your heart doesn't deserve the pain. you don't deserve to feel utter disgust at the sound of your own name. it took me 2 years and only now i can open my eyes. his "love" was just pleasure-seeking in disguise. he's intoxicating, i know, those big brown eyes. the way he bites his lip and the strength in his thighs. i see what you see in him and i'm telling you to run. i'm telling you, i'm saving you, it's something i wish for me someone had done. but i suffered and i broke and i felt each inch of the pain. i can't let anyone go through that again.

but i watch from a distance and i don't speak a word. i'm too afraid what you'd do to me if you heard. i need to grow past the fear and the hurt. but with the delusion inside me, i'm not sure how that will work. i suppose step by step, you get up and move on. but for now, i still feel my stomach twist when i hear our song. i've thrown out your things and i've opened my eyes. i know you were bad to me, i finally realize. it may take some time to go back to who i was, but at least, for now, i'm not disillusioned by your definition of love.
fact into fiction and fiction into fact: i've always kinda been good at that
 Apr 2016
mk
he was the sea of ink
poured into
the droplet of my life.
-appreciation.
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