Back from Russia

insanity is just all in your mind

I never sought
this calling.

So difficult,
even painful.

The Poet must
find a way
to use words
to create beauty
to keep chaos
at bay.

Chaos never
relents.

Beauty is fragile.

And yet we
soldier on.

Smart women they were.
Knew a lost cause
when they saw one
and fled town
before it burned down.

  ~mce

If she only knew how profound for her mine amare was
I'd go through level six of hell
To dry her foreign tears
I'd be tortured for her happiness
Id wait a many years
Canst she see I believe her
She's the most honest as they come
I guess I'm just a puppy
Waiting on his master
For mine amour'
And choosen one!!!

I never thought I'd say this
But I have some regrets
Cuz I was blind and heedless to
The needs I could have met;

So many hurting people
That I refused to see
Because I was so focused on
The things that bothered me

The empty hands that could have been
Filled up with my excess
But weren't because I failed to see
The ways that I could bless

The empty eyes mine never saw
The pain I pushed aside
The child who starved to death while I
Was more than satisfied

The smiles; the love that I withheld
When things didn't go my way
The chains I didn't break, and all
The life-filled words I didn't say

So many lives I could have changed
So many torn hearts mended
The tears I could have wiped away
The trials I could have ended

And yet I sat unmoved as if
Their pain was not my problem
And many suffered while I looked
For someone else to help them

We're broken
And I can't ignore it anymore.
There's so much between us that it seems
Like we're miles away
From ever being okay again.
And I've lied all this time when I said
I've forgotten. I've tried.
But the memories are like weeds
Growing too thick in my mind
They choke out the light
And they leave my soul blind.
Don't get me wrong
I'm still trying.
I'm not resigned to never finding my way
To forgiving you.
It's just been a long time
And after a while this pain became part
Of my identity.
Part of what makes me...me.
It's a shame
But just hearing your name
Makes me cringe.
I can't even begin to explain
How much rage I used to feel.
How much hate.
But bit by bit I'm rebuilding.
Healing a heart that's been rotten for years
That's one thing mirrors don't tell, right?
But despite my pleasant exterior
Things on the inside weren't nearly
As neat as they appeared.
My heart was a train wreck
With parts shattered and scattered
All over the place.
But somehow until now
None of that mattered
As long as my face was intact
As long as I could keep up the act.

So I guess you probably never knew
How much damage your actions could do
But don't worry,
I kept the rest of the world in the dark too.
You all slept in peace
While I was fighting nightmares
And trying desperately to keep
My eyes wide open all night.
It didn't seem quite fair
But I suppose that's just the way life goes
You're still carefree
And I don't dare sleep
For fear I won't hear
My door creak open