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 4d
Lizzie
I.
I'm struggling to stay awake
Even as I write this verse
For my body is drugged with food
And tired since I'm sleeping worse
Than I usually do. And so
Like iron gates, my weary eyes
Fall fast, thus locking in
My consciousness. No goodbyes
Were said--there was no time.
What, then, is the point of learning
If it never happens due to
How little sleep I've been earning?

II.
It's my own fault. Who is to blame
When I over indulge, with no sight
To how I'll feel the following day
After staying up so late at night?
Who is to blame when I watch
The time waste and still ignore
What is a constant reminder
Of our death? And so I'll ask no more.
Written September 2021
 4d
Lizzie
I realized today that we live in a house without hope.
I want to be there for my family, but I don't know how to cope.
There are so many flowers growing in our yard,
But there isn't any sunshine in the winters of our heart.
I want to fix it all, but I don't know where to start.

Yeah, we learned to live without a father,
But never knew the full extent:
That our mother's heart was long absent.
We're all so broken, and we're all so bent.
God, oh God, we'd make a change if we at least knew HOW.
I never knew how much we needed You until now.

I see so many smiling faces
In all so many shining places,
And none of them have any clue
How deep the darkness gets.
 Aug 2020
Lizzie
If I just drive far enough,
I'll leave my worries far away.
If I just drive fast enough,
They'll eat the dust of yesterday.

But there's only one world to go around,
Only so far before you're found.
And once you've hit the end of the road,
Suddenly there's no other way to go
But back.
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
This is my conclusion
We’re all in an illusion
Our minds go blank
Our thinking tanks
Have just refreshed forgotten.

By some imagination
All our thoughts are rationed
I believe
We’re deceived
A separate dimension.

What I’m saying has been said
What you’re reading has been read
There is no original
All we do is fictional
Our existence is a fantasy.

‘Uh-huh, sure, totally’
You think this is just poetry
I hope you realize
It’s your own demise
But you never will believe me.
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
_
Missing ego
Burned esteem
Lacking confidence
Insecure extreme
Living lies
Blinded minds
Hearts vandalized
-
If only we could see through our lover's eyes.
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
Silence has many voices
It can be beautiful
Calming
Thoughtful
Or it can be angry
Awkward
Suffocating
And yet it has no sound
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
My bravery is spent,
My courage is gone,
My confidence is rent,
'Cause everything went wrong.

How can I beleive
And how can I dream
When there's Nothing left for me?

The only Happiness I have,
The only hope that I'll find,
Is accepting what is gone,
And leaving Hope behind.

Sometimes there's a hard line
Between Realism and Despair,
But other times that line seems to disappear.
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
All that kept her going then
Was to look forward to when
She could finally go to bed
With the Nightmares in her head.

No Horrors that plague the night
Could compare to those of her life.
"Truth is stranger than fiction"
And Reality worse than dream strife.

The minutes ticked much too slow -
Or maybe her heart beat too fast,
But either way it seemed her life
Wouldn't end and wouldn't last.

And so she counted on the days
(Or rather the phases of the pain).
Time went on and yet stayed still;
No change took place to make Time real.

The Woman found she couldn't tell
If she had died and gone to Hell,
Or if Hell had come to Earth,
Though neither place could be worse.

At last sweet Death heard her cry,
As her grave seems to imply.
Or maybe she is wandering still
Tied down by her twisted Will.
 Feb 2020
Lizzie
There are thoughts that crowd me
Choke me, drown me
Lose me in a fractal name
And drown me in an endless flame

Questions I’ll never know
Skills I will never show
With no words to say it
I simply can’t convey it

A feeling with no sense
No sound, no touch, no scent
A feeling with no shape
(A theft, a ****, a ****).

Living in this gruesome time
My bleeding mind
Is suffocating

— The End —