Silent now the television
Silent now the telephone
Silently I sit here,
Silent and alone.

I’m not sure why the poems
Are much harder now to write
Not sure why the sleep
Comes harder every night
Not sure if all the trials in life
Are harder now to take
I’m not sure that when the morning comes
That I will even wake.

If I was asked to take a risk
Not sure that I would dare
I’m not sure if I was dying
Anyone would care
Not sure that Heaven waits for me
Behind the pure white Pearly Gate
If I asked for fifteen minutes more
Not sure the Reaper-man would wait.

I’m not sure if my mistakes in life
Outweigh any good
Not even sure that honestly
I’ve done the best I could
Not sure when folks remember me
If they will grimace, or they’ll grin
Not sure official scorekeepers
Would vote my life a win.

Not sure if I have lived before
Not sure if there’s a second chance
Not even sure with lessons
I could learn to dance this dance
The world makes me dizzy
The carousel spins too fast.
Not sure my horse could win the derby
The brass ring might have already passed.
But I'm not sure.

Silently I sit here.

PwL 6/16/15

Whenever,
I look in the mirror.

They say,
that face on the reflective wall is me,
every word each day,
I refute calmly.
"cause they *can't see,
what i refuse to believe.

They see my white skin,
but they can't feel,
how hollow i'm from within.

They grin when i smile,
maybe they don't get,
'cause i never revile.

They try to push me down,
but that won't break me,
even if i lay facedown.

In the mirror,
the other half of me,
fixes her gaze to see,
If we look the same,
but i say,
i'm the one in pain.

Again she flashes a smile,
but i know what she tries to hide.
She's just my skin,
i'm her soul.
I seek refuge in her,
She passes away in a blur.

Whenever,
i look in the mirror.

Oh what hopeful prayer i send to thee,
In this my hour of misery.
A belligerent death has done so wrong,
A wind has blown with brothers gone.
A face not mine in reflection i see,
and mirrors now they frighten me.
A voice of better times sowing mines,
and my eyes kept missing the growing signs.
The sight of razors such a heavy weight
this stretch of rope and a growing fate
It takes fifteen feet or five minutes of blood
the thoughts come on like a raging flood
so I raise my sword to fight this more,
though one day life will lose this war.

I’m not good enough for you?
Was being honest a mistake?
I put myself out there again
And you cancelled our date

Who wants an addict?
I’ve been in recovery for years
The word itself scares humans
It brings me to tears

They will never get it
Nor give me a chance
You said you really liked me
But never made it to the dance

Why are you better than me?
No skeletons in your closet?
Can you throw the first stone?
Can you be that honest?

Do I give up on love?
Do I lie about my past?
I’ll just pick up a drink
That’s the part I was cast

I’ve questioned God’s existence,
His involvement,
His intent.
When things were’t going well
I used poetry
To vent.

Instead, though, I should offer praise
For the blessings
Given me!
And thank Him each and every day;
To better use
My poetry.

Thank You, God, for giving life,
To my family, friends, and
Me!
And for all the others in this world,
Though at times
We disagree.

Thank You, God, for giving strength
Though we are weak
Compared to You.
Help us, God, accept Your plan,
And do the best
That we can do.

Help us to open up our eyes
And see the beauty
All around.
Use our ears to listen closely
To the peace in
Nature’s sounds.

Help us to share the talents,
That You gave us,
Everyday,
And let us not be angry
When life doesn’t
Go our way.

I’ve sinned God, please forgive me
For You know I’ll
Sin again,
But when its time to call me Home
Please open Heaven’s door,
            Amen.
Phil Lindsey,  6/2/15

I can’t erase my past
It’s with me to the grave
I can’t expect everyone to understand me
To my past I am a slave

They look at me as an addict
The addict from my past
Not strong and recovering
They don’t bother to ask

I’ve been told to be proud
All I feel is shame
I feel judged everyday
No one to blame
  
They see the person I was, or could be again
Nobody gets me
I cannot blame them

How do I fit in this world?
I’m a square peg in the round hole
Trying to be true to myself
Trying to find my role

I could be that person again
It would be easier to give up and give in
What would that prove?
Who would win?

Rejection comes often
I can hear what they say
I could let it **** me
But I think not for today

I’m an addict
Nice to meet you

I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A scared little girl
Looking back at me

Are you afraid, I ask
But I get no reply
All I can see
Are the tears in her eyes

Are you ok, I can be your friend
She looks back at me
Saying nothing….
Again

I walk away
Thinking how sad is she
Then I realize
That girl is me

writing is dumb
and I like it
because I'm stupid

Rumor is you break a mirror
Get seven years bad luck,
Well, I ain’t much on rumors,
It’s on the truth I’m stuck.

I looked into the mirror today
What I saw filled me with dread
Some old guy with his hair all gray
Looked like he should be dead.

Age spots covered up his face
There were wrinkles ‘round his eyes
I thought it was a **** disgrace
Or a Halloween disguise.

His cheeks were rough with three days growth
A spot of drool was on his chin
I was pretty shocked, I guess, but not too loath
To look again.

This time I looked inside of me
To the things the mirror won’t show.
To a mind still clear with memories
And a heart where love still grows.

My soul needs some forgivin’
Hell, I’ve lived o’er eighty years
Mistakes made just from livin’
Most washed clean with tears.

I’m thinking that my mirror lied
Maybe it’s already broke,
And the reflection of my outside
Is just a ghastly joke.

Because the inside me is still a boy
Having fun most every day
Living life that’s always filled with joy,
I’m gonna throw that mirror away.
PwL  5/18/15

They buildin’ roads out of concrete, cover up the grass
Buildin’ roads out of concrete, cover up the grass
Roads ain’t goin’ nowhere, and concrete never lasts.

They buildin’ tall apartments, reachin’ to the sky
Buildin’ tall apartments, reachin’ to the sky
Don’t need no apartment, if I want to get up high.

They stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Not sure what they’re saying, but I think that they are wrong.

They say the rain is comin’, better hide inside
Cold hard rain is comin’, better hide inside
Think I’ll just wait for sunshine, cuz I ain’t gonna hide.

They say there’s global warming, world’s gonna melt away
Say we got global warming, world’s gonna melt away
Oh but I ain’t gonna worry, meltin’ takes a couple days.

Yeah, They stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Not sure what they’re saying, but I think that they are wrong.

They say that I need money, in order to survive
Say that I need some money, in order to survive
I don’t have no money, and I think I’m still alive.

And they say you gotta find a woman, if you want a happy life
Yeah you gotta find a woman, if you want a happy life
Well I think I’m pretty happy, and I don’t have no wife.

Yeah, They stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Stringin’ words together, tryin’ to build a song
Not sure what they’re saying, but I think that they are wrong.

They buildin’ roads out of concrete, cover up the grass
Buildin’ roads out of concrete, cover up the grass
Roads ain’t goin’ nowhere, and concrete never lasts.
Phil Lindsey, April 15, 2015