Worry is the runner on my mind;
it races around the circular track without knowing the finish line
My chest is heavy with the weight of stress
I am stuck in a riptide
tossing and turning to avoid suffocation
waves of regret collapse over me
I breathe in their salty disposition
It spills out my tear ducts
I drown in my thoughts and bathe in drowsiness
I choke on feathers and the counted sheep
Red eyes so fixed on the clock that creeps
Oh how I loathe the evening heap.

I feel like water
Transparent
Fluid
I can’t commit to your mold
I can drown out your eyes
Roll down and salt your tongue
Drip on your chest
Smear against your lips
but try to contain me
Tip me over and I’ll spill
Tick me off and I’ll boil over
Walk away and I will freeze
I want a color
A flavor
A shape
I want to be distinct
But all I can do is flow
Gravity pulls me where it wants
And it’s out of my control

The day I realized 
among willow trees
and lilac fields
that I was just like the others,
that the holes in your watering can
weren’t made for me,
that I have been starving myself of life,
withering, wilting, weeping away
I let go.

I’ve walked through storms
I’ve climbed mountains
And crawled through ditches in the dirt
To realize
that rain provides more shelter than your words ever will
that my reflection does not define my beauty
that my molten eyes do not determine my strength
that I can grow without you.

I’ve learned to root myself in something else
stem by stem
leaf by leaf
I pulled away from the need 
to feel validated by 
your sunlight and attention.

In years to come
You will find
that all along you forgot to water me
and the drops will spill on barren land
when you learn that
I have traveled
to a garden of my own.

Chocolate bars melting through hands
Sand slipping through toes
Tears rolling down lips
Blood burning through noses
Balloon slips from grip
Stretched wide with hopes and dreams
Floating on to Neverland
Never to be seen

I have bruises on my lips
From biting so hard
Fighting against my tears
A war against my quivering mouth
No dig in my palm
Could be so deep
To distract me from the pain
Of your broken promises
I’m picking at the seams
Of my cuticles until I bleed
Rolling tears until I sleep
Shaking until I’m at peace

yellow lights flicker at night
like freckles through the fog.
checkered punctures in the sky
glow with their auburn flame.
they flicker with the wind and winding turns.
they gleam near smoke stacks on factory towers.
the sound is calm.
the percussion of murky water
rolling toward the bulkhead
echoes through the city of embers.
the darkest grey lays behind
steel bars and race cars,
searching for a purpose
beside dashed street lines,
soon to be solid white
and permanent.