I am not theoretical

I exist here
I am here

hold my hands
they are meant to touch
whisper in my ears
they are meant to hear

Words could not hurt my heart
if it were theory
My mouth would only speak pleasantries
if it were theory

Reality is my home

Beyond pages of books
lines of code

I am here
I exist here

I am not theoretical

©Christopher F. Brown 2015

in between shadows
the sounds of quiet in the night
riding the backs of afternoon breezes
caressing the cold outsides of windows

existing as someone
other
Something
other

only in touch
only in sound

a hand on the back of a neck
its not there
pressure and heat compressed against lips
its not there
memories of fragrances navigating auras  
They are not there

fires by moonlight
rivers deep beneath earthen floors

lingering far beyond the time
the time to begone

It's over
still
It's not done

©Christopher F. Brown 2015

On the planet where I live
gambling and narcissism
are recognized for the diseases they are

racism and homophobia
that's just people being people

Here
having a conversation with some is battle
mental exhibition bouts with jaw juggernauts
most only listen for their position to pounce
Never hearing a thing

favors and helping hands
well laid traps and plans sewing deeply rooted weeds
intended to bind over time
your worth is assessed by how much value you can acquire for other

animals are measured greater than people
it makes sense
People have yet to meet or even be human

Here
I'm not the type of Blackman you see on TV

six feet tall maybe taller over three hundred pounds
a well-read autodidact master of many things

On the planet where I live
that is considered a threat

Here
the goal is to populate Mars
before the pollution on Earth becomes inhospitable
to the people of Earth
after all
Mars is ours for the taking

Here
you're supposed to mow your neighbor's lawn
while your back yard is overgrown
while your kitchen burns down

On the planet where I live
all of this is common knowledge
some say sense
It's spoken of and considered
immoral and deplorable

Here
if you exist in any different or other way
you're labeled
one of the crazies and shunned
you’re supposed to know its wrong
not admit to it



© Christopher F. Brown 2015

I still think about you

stupid right
I know

but
you know what
for once

Its not about you


© Christopher F. Brown 2015

Is it really this hard
to find people I can go back and forth in discussion with
about Buddhist and Hindu theology compared and contrasted against Christian and Yoruba

I want to scream and shout and dance with somebody over Janet Jackson's new album
and at the same time
feel the heat and talk with somebody about how extremely sad and depressing
but oh so good Giovanni's Room was

I want to be able to speak with somebody whom can quote Malcolm X and Kafka in the same breath

Somebody who could see the logic of Pac and Immortal Technique on the same piece
with the Budos Band or Mulatu on the back track

I want to know people whom know
just exactly who
Suki Lee and Bayard Rustin are

can we talk about Jacob Kinohoor's ***
at least for a moment
then get into some B.B. King or Johnny Cash

have you seen Dune
the one from the eighties
James McAvoy shirtless
as well as John Goodman’s acting
were only good things about the other
if you read it
even better

what about the ***** that sat by the door
Or
killer clowns from outer space

let's be shady and point out all the inaccuracies on the history and discovery and channels
praying for that day
that's not in February
They show Shaka Zulu in full
without commercial interruption

Or maybe a documentary about native American people
with actual native actors
that do not depict them all as either
plains people
Or Inuit
Cause you already know
not everybody is Eskimo

then let's put on our own private production of legally blonde
followed by encore presentations of the classic scene
Of Miss Celie and miss Ofelia going in over Harpo

can I discuss with you
how the Patriot act nullifies everything in constitution
And the bill of rights
even though they never were intended to be permanent any way

It would be nice to not have to explain a Corporatocracy

all my life Ive been into Egyptology
You do know that Imhotep was the actual founder of medicine
by a good 2000 years
not that Hippocrat

the thing is
I'm still learning

when attempt to delve that deeply into people
which I don't even consider that deep
They often misunderstand
They often concluded without thinking

maybe
just maybe

©Christopher F. Brown 2015

Look at these people
With their perfect bodies
their perfect families
their perfect houses and cars
and their other perfect things

If I say this directly to anyone
or even aloud
the knee **** conditioned response is to say
I
me
they
suffer from jealousy

Why do people wait four or five decades before they accept
life is not perfect
there is no perfect thing
no perfect someone
no perfect anything

you accept what you will
refuse what you wont
put purpose to plan
its all what you decide to make of it

They say that is settling
it could be
Id disagree with their understanding of the word

forcing something to be a certain way
a certain way that only existed in one’s uncertain mind
how is that anywhere near
perfect
how is that anything less than
delusional

I could force myself to be completely
other than I am

be what I believe I should be
have what I believe I should have
do what I believe I should do
but is any of that

perfect

is any of that

me

where is the reality in that

reality never had anything to do with the notion
the idea
the thing
called perfect

They said
weren’t you the one that said
pursue your passion

weren't you the one that said
the only difference between a dream and a goal
are the details that occupy the reality in between

Sometimes
I hate talking to me

© Christopher F. Brown 2015