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Christina Cox Dec 2015
She speaks of parents and
disappointing
them because of who she has become.

They say it's a good question but trust
the parents, they love you always.

But she never spoke of
disappointment
in a negative way.

She never failed, she still lives.
And her parents know.

They think she speaks
of failure and hatred.

She speaks of bringing
sadness
to her parents loving hearts and minds.

She tells stories of
crushing
parents' hopes and dreams.

The parents wished for a healthy, happy, baby girl.
Who would one day grow into a healthy, happy, grown up girl.

She speaks of
nightmares
of crushed parent's hearts.

She tells of her fears of
disappointment
to those she loves the most.
From Dictionary.com: the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
But how does a princess
tell her warrior,
tell her king,
tell her daddy,
that the dragon's cave
is in her heart
and she,
the talon wielding slave?
Christina Cox Dec 2015
Head splitting
open wide.
Waking up with
nightmares inside.
Find the cabinet
with all the pills.
Choose the color
make the mind still.
Overdose possible
through the label.
Without the extra
can’t be saved.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
When being/living with so much pain
Do anything to face away
Some point suicide the only option.
Pain/love one and the same
Confusion of the mind.
Get. Out.
Do not come back
No Solicitors
Do not bring Hell/Heaven here
Already living in that loft.
Try to sell
go to a motel
rent a car
get a flight
Join please ~~~ or don’t.
You’re choice - only yours.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
Wearing a fun skirt
Spinning in circles, dancing
Hiding painful truths

Fading purple hair
Curls and frizz hiding the face
The sad, frowning mouth

Wear sleeves to the wrist
Fashion, layering the shirts
Hiding skin of scars

****; Stupid body
****; Mind control of the soul
Hell; Where she lives now
Christina Cox Dec 2015
If you look at what I wear,
would you think I have a problem?

Flowing skirts over colorful tights,
fashion shoes and non-matching belts,
leather jackets with layered shirts,
purple hair and bright blue eyes.
My appearance screams confidence, character, joy.

What if you see instead of look?

Not a day goes by without long sleeves.
No shorts or skirts above the knee unless they cover tights.
Never crop tops or low cut pants.

I hide myself in confident clothes
so you can’t see the opposite truth.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
Dear Mom don’t you know?
That if I could tell you, I would?
If I believed that you could take this pain
and turn it into something else
then I would run to you. Only you.

Dear Mom don’t you know?
That if you asked the right question
I would answer in truth.
Only you would need the dictionary
to read my silent face.

Dear Mom don’t you know?
That I know your stories and how you feel
but if I compare to you, then I am a fool

Dear Mom please don’t talk
about your teenage exploits
and your adult feelings.
If you do, then I will know,
Mom is the most important.

Dear Mom please sit by
and wait
for me to accept your presence
for then I will talk.

Dear Mom please talk of love
for me and only me.
I lean on your love to stay alive.

Dear Mom don’t you know?
You can help me save myself.
As long as you are patient
with me.
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