Love Huh,
How do one get over this trick?
That has deluded me for ages
The meaning I misinterpreted for decades
Lies……… All lies!!
Scammed of my innocence
And didn’t even realize,
Broken, pitiful, self-depreciating
Still, I cared less
Longed for that affection I knew I would never get
You’re clingy, I was told
Like a fiend
I craved, hungered
Worse from addiction
Truly, I was blind
From the signs that carelessly lingered
From the sovereignty I lived with for years
Oh
'Empty smiles'
I could wear them so well
Hoping it gets better, it never did
One language
''Hurt''
More Hurt,
It really did hurt I swear
The Tears, PAIN
Memories,
They just keep coming
Blackmailed my emotions
Tormented my conscience.
The blankness, abandonment, Stillness
Blossoming pain with every beat
I lost my self
I lost me,
But held on hoping for more
No!
Begging for more
A tiny bit…… yea
Praying it gets better
Then
I fell hard in cupid
An abuser I choose
It’s all a secret, such a fool
No one would ever know.
Dire for help but would not accept any,
I need time I say, for what exactly?
Love is blind I guess,
It will turn out well I hoped
It’s all good
Through it all I got a gift
The best of its kind
In the 'New' I find solace,
Experience laughter, peace
Though the word 'love' still eludes me,
Still I stand holding on,
Expecting a contrary force
To whisper in my ears as I behold it
"It's no trick, it’s no lie, it's no mirage, and it's right here...
Looking straight into my eyes"
Finally, I overcame
Wait! did I?

Often I wonder which is harder
'Singleness or Marriage'
How do we do it?
The struggles of being with someone and remain purified sexually
The focus we must attain in this manner
The mindset of suppressing lust and passion
Remaining without touch till the set time
Our partners how they seemingly accept the challenge but later deviate;
With talks like ‘am only human’.
How we look innocent but crave deep down for a tiny piece
The chain of celibacy a slavery we were made to follow
Or else anguish and chastising
Am broken and torn
The lessons I learnt I hold dearly
Corinthians stated worries
Oh my fate!
When whilst thou end, this status I cross around my neck
Wait! but don’t look waiting
The side talks and jest, the respect long lost
Yours will be the latest I know
Happen already!
Wait on God permanent anthems now
Smile and wave don’t show it
Or you are jealous.
Be happy and suppress
Be hopeful and pray
For how long!
Be patient, kind,
God’s time is the best
Oh when!
It’s been 3 decades and counting
No judging authority
I only want to be loved
Now I live for myself alone no deviation from love and service
I will do not just right but the right way
With God before me.