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Chaotic world Jun 2016
Hold me close tonight,
I need your arms wrapped around me
Before the pieces of me tumble like a game of jenga,
I'm trying my best to see the last page of my story,
But I think it's only a matter of time till I decide to end my story,

So hold me close tonight
While you fill my head with beautiful fantasies,  
Before I decide to insert lead into it tonight,  
Intoxicate me with your voice,
Before I intoxicate myself with deaths poison tonight,
Give me the oxygen that I have been gasping for,
Before I decide to close the path to my lungs tonight,

Pull the mask off of me,
So you can see past the illusion of my smile,
So you can see that I'm in need of help,
Hold me tonight,  
Before you have to hold the stone with my name on it.
Sometimes people are crying for help and we don't know it.
Chaotic world Apr 2016
We have all felt the pain of a wounded heart,
But it's insane how we act when the wound is open,
Some of us draw a world like no other,
A world that shows others what dwells in our minds,
Some of us  play a Melody,
A melody that creates a path from heaven to our souls,

Yet there are some of us who won't see the beauty when damaged,
They listen to the sweet words of others ,
Because those sweet words create a tunnel for them,
A tunnel that leaves behind their misery,

But there are some who can't find a tunnel,
They hold themselves on cold nights forever searching  the warm light at the end of a tunnel,

Maybe that's why most people who are being blind to the beauty resort to deep cuts of the skin,
Forever tally marking their wrists like a prison wall,
Waiting for the day when the guard opens their cell,
And releases them from their own hell.
Just some of the popular ways people try to comfort themselves.
Chaotic world May 2017
Lord what’s wrong with me?
Why is my life tumbling like a game of jenga?
I ask you lord because this pain is becoming to hard to understand
I’ve tried to withstand it, but it feels like the harder I try to ignore it the more it brings me down
It’s like I am stuck in quicksand and I sink further down each time I try to struggle to free myself
I feel like I am going insane and no one seems to care
Are you even there?
  I don’t think I can handle this pain anymore
  Forgive me but the church said you can help me, but I don’t think so
I am helpless
Forgive me for what happens next
I know I do not belong in this world
Just look at me I am not the right color to be in this world
So I will just exit it and come to you lord
Goodbye for now,
I'll being seeing you soon
Chaotic world Apr 2016
They say love can **** you,
And it's true
love is suicide,
To fall in love is like tying a noose around your neck,
The more you fall in love,
the tighter the noose gets,  
Maybe that's why I felt so breathless
Everytime I saw you smile.
Chaotic world Aug 2015
Sometimes I wish I can find my monster in the dark places of my room
It's better knowing that it's all in my head
Then to see my monster through a reflection
Chaotic world Jul 2015
When I saw only dark,
you showed me the light
when I can only hear sadness,
you played me a melody
when I had no one around me
you came to me
but now that you're gone if feels like all the  roses you had left
are slowly dying
And I try everyday to keep them alive but they just won't stay
Soon enough all these roses would die and this field would be nothing more then a graveyard full of demons
I guess it's best that I give the roses that you've given me to someone else,
and hope that their graveyard
turns into a field of roses.
Chaotic world Apr 2016
I get the Feeling like I'm stuck in a small room,
A room filled with mirrors reflecting all the things I've done wrong,  
A room surrounded by the sounds of my pain and agony,
A room that seems to cave in more and more as I grow more alone,
I was so used to being in this room,  
Until you painted a door into it,
And now I got a taste of  heaven,
I just wish you were still there holding the door,
But I guess you got tired of trying to show beauty  to someone who all their life has seen ugliness
the door is still open,
But I can't make a choice,
I'm torn apart from knocking on the doors of heaven,  
Or opening the gates to hell,
Im so used to the demons filling the Cracks of my heart,  
That it's hard for me now to let an angel hold me.
Chaotic world Mar 2016
Where did our hearts go?,
Did they disappear as soon as we lost ourselves?
Or are they still in our bodies being prisoners of war,

It's almost as if having a heart is a sin,
And showing you have one makes you the devil,
No one wants to be the devil,
Yet we act evil,
I fear the day when the concept of having a heart extincts,
Because we would be in a world that's filled with demons who are mistaken for angels,
And angels no longer exist.
Her
Chaotic world Aug 2015
Her
Sometimes i wonder if your mind holds me dear, as mine does to you
If my smile strucks you, as yours does to me,
It seems it's only when I look into your eyes that I feel happiness
That only your voice can guide me
And only your warmth saves me
I lay down everynight hoping that my melody reaches your heart,
That my words reaches your mind,
That my roses reaches you,
I hope that in the end my gifts are as good as the ones you keep giving me.
We all have someone that makes us feel this way
Chaotic world Oct 2023
I am your reflection

There stood a stranger in my mirror,
who did everything I did  like a game of simon says,
I've never seen this stranger before,
But he was always there when I was,
his presences had a heavy feeling like there were
weights in my stomach,

“I am your reflection”

That's all the stranger would say to me,
I must be day dreaming,
Cause how can my reflection be a stranger.
That's what i had thought,
I had thought you were merely nothing but a man who stood in front of me.
Yet I came to learn that you were anything but a man,
You were the monster under my mothers bed.

“I am your reflection”

See I grew up thinking that you left me,
Like an unwanted toy at a park
And all I thought of was why I wasn’t good enough.
I pointed the finger at me,
And  ignored the idea that you weren’t there
Because you were venom to my mothers life.
That fake smile she gave me
That laugh she fakes to sound happy
It's all because of you.
She left you,
Hoping that you would no longer be thorns to the roses of her life,
But she couldn’t run away from those times with you
Because she was reminded of them whenever she looked at me.

“I am your reflection”

Not once did she mentioned to you that she wanted to
But you didn’t care
So you took a piece of her
Leaving her with an image of you,
Her being reminded of you was her personal hell,
And for most of my life knowing about you
was mine.
When birthdays came  
i feared that someday
I wouldn’t distinguish you from me
I’d break this mirror if it let me stop seeing you
But I knew it would only prevent me from seeing you,
And not from looking like you

I am your reflection

You standing in the mirror seemed like my destiny was inevitable,
That soon I would become the reflection in the mirror,
Doing everything you do,
And doing everything you did
Because I am your son.

I am your reflection

Though our blood runs the same,
I made it my life goal to be everything you weren't,
Cause I am more than just a reflection of you,
While i live my life i know one day I may meet you again
No longer behind the mirror,
But as a ghost from a distant past
Forgotten and irrelevant

I am my reflection.
Chaotic world Mar 2016
I'll take this posion,
I'll let this liquid slowly destroy what's left of my heart,
I never did like this heart,
It always latched itself on to people,
So I'll let death take this curse of mine,
Before you come back and torture me,
With the heart I thought was mine,
I don't want to be fooled again,
So I'll go bottle after bottle,
Till my heart can't recognize that it Belongs with  you.
Sometimes we drink to numb the pain
Chaotic world Mar 2016
The stars never seemed brighter,
This world of mine never seemed lighter,
I didn't think my life was so good,  
I guess It was just a mood,  

There are no more black clouds that follow me,  
And my emotion for you is like the dead Sea,
My heart has no pain,
Guess you can say my mind is sane,
Forgive me life for seeing this late,
But I guess being blind was just fate,  

Life isn't bad,
Yet people say it's sad,
That's only because we miss the things we once had,
But it's time we stop living in the past,
Because life goes so fast,
So let's forget about yesterday,
And live for tomorrow.
Chaotic world Apr 2021
That melody is stuck in my head again,
I hum the beat whenever I feel lost.
I don’t remember the name of this song
But I remember the way you sang it to me.
Chaotic world Apr 2016
Late at night I toss and turn,
Forever stuck in reality's hold,
With demons laying next to me,
And monsters prancing in my head.
Chaotic world Jul 2017
Our love was created like a movie,
With you being the definition of beauty,
Summer nights you gazed at the stars,
While falling asleep to the sound of my guitar,
And I know our lives weren't perfect,
But in that moment everything seemed perfect,
Neither one of us expected how important we would be to each other,
But you being in my life never bothered me,
And I know you would agree,
We use to talk for hours about the mysteries in the world.
And it was in those talks that made me realize you were my world,
We said our love was fate,
And that we were each other's soulmate,
You could say electricity ran between us,
Because each time we kissed a spark left our lips,
We were at the peak of our love,
We often said what we had was truelove,
Our romance would cause us to be in a trance,
There was not one moment where we didn't cross each other's minds,
It was like our love was design for one another.
Chaotic world Dec 2015
Late at night I lay awake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take,
This world of mine is too much to bare,
These demons of mine don't play fair.

All I ask is for me to depart,
Cause I'm tired of this Life,
It's tearing me apart.

So send me an invitation,
So I can feel a sensation,
I beg of you to end my story.
Chaotic world Feb 2016
Once something stops working your suppose to,
replace it

But Sometimes we never replace things,
Sometimes we just add things,
You can have one flickering light bulb,
In the darkest room,
Yet you wouldnt replace it to brighten the room,
You will only add more to help the flickering light
bulb,

Maybe we just don't want it to be a memory,
But there's no point in it being there,
In the end we never do replace and forget,
We only grow acostom to it being there Forever haunting us.
Chaotic world Feb 2016
A cold breeze passes through me,  
It seems it happens everytime you are near,
How can you look so full of life?
When everything inside you is dead,
It's crazy to think that someone who was so close,
Has become so distant,
And someone who left you sweet memories,  
Has become the reason for your pain.
Chaotic world Feb 2016
You said that Im different,
that I'm not the same person you fell in love with,
Yet I never changed,
You were blinded by my perfections,
That you didn't see my flaws,
And just like an artist falls in love with their painting,
You fell in love with the painting you've created of me,
You never did know who I was,
You only knew the person you thought I was.
Chaotic world Aug 2016
I still remember our first date,
It was a beautiful sunny day,
The sun's warmth would wrap around us like blankets,
While the cold breeze would kiss our faces,
we walked down a path together that day,
A path filled with beautiful melodies and flowers,
It was such a beautiful scenery,
A scenery that you couldn't keep your eyes off,
Yet the scenery didnt have my eyes,
You did,
I couldn't keep my eyes off you,
You were something out of my wildest dreams,
A dream come true,
I couldn't believe this was real,
So I grabbed your hand,
Slowly feeling your warm touch,
As our fingers interlocked,
But it still wasn't enough proof,
So I pulled you closer to me,
Staring deeply in your eyes,
Bringing you closer,
until our lips met,
This time I knew I wasn't dreaming,
Because I felt something that I had  never felt before,
And that was happiness,

It has been years since that sunny day,
The days now have become more windy,
With the cold becoming more brutal than ever,
But that didn't take the warmth wrapped around us,
And that's because we had set a fire,
A fire that ignited in both of us,
A fire that cast away every shadow,
We believed this fire will forever keep the darkness locked up,
But we were both wrong,

Because the sun that once shined so bright,
Is now covered by dark clouds,
And the cold breeze that once kissed our faces,
Is now hitting us with heavy blows,
There was nothing warm anymore,
Only the cold was there to hold us,
I reached for your hand,
To make sure you had enough fire in you to keep you warm,
But it was too late,
The cold started to extinguish every last flame dancing in you,
Blowing the fire out like a candle,
Now it was only a matter of time till the same road we walked on,
Seperates to two paths,
With you going one way,
And me the other way,

I bring you in,
Knowing this may be the last time I ever will,  
There was nothing but the sound of your heart beat playing in the air,
Thump, thump,
Thump, thump,
Thump,
Thump,
That's when a faint whisper echoed in my ear
"thank you"
And the beat that once played,
Stopped,
Tears start rolling down my face,
I didn't want to open my eyes,
I didn't want to face the reality,  
Because that would be toughest pill to swallow,
Knowing that you will only live in my memories now.
Chaotic world Aug 2017
What is it that I am feeling,
Every night I lay down and stare at the ceiling,
Missing something that I once had.
And I’m mad because I let it slip through my hands,
Stuck listening to the same jams,
Reminding me of the happiness that once filled my heart,
At what part of my life.
Did my life start to go downhill,
Pills enter my system,
Meant to make me feel,
But the symptoms make me more distant,
With reality becoming more like a fantasy,
And trying to survive has become a routine,
Because i’m constantly remembering the gleam in your eyes,
Which kills me,
It’s like drowning in a sea of memories,
And every time one passes about you,
I sink further into the deep,
I keep wondering what my world would be like if I hadn’t met you,
If I knew would my night skies be clear,
Why did you disappear?,
You left me in this void,
And destroyed what made me human,
It was all an illusion you made,
Just to corrade my emotions,’
Here I am hoping and coping with the idea,
That I live in fear,
I intoxicate myself with beer,
Trying to numb whatever feeling I have for you,
But it will never undo the history we had,
And it’s sad to say,
But it’s the price I pay,
For continuing to walk down this road,
With this load that does nothing but bring me down,
And I continue to surround myself in the dark,
So it’s no wonder they call me one of the ******,
Because I chose to live in the past,
Instead of in the moment,
And it’s made me live in torment,
I’m crying for help,
But I’m afraid for anyone to help,
Because the last person to help me,
Is the reason I live in this hell,
But I hope one day that someone will tell,
That I fell from the top,
And my happiness was robbed,
I hope someone is there,
To make me feel that someone still cares,
And somewhere someone will,
But until then I must fill the hole in my chest,
And rid myself from this depressed place,
But don't think it’s too late to see the light,
As I write I realize how great my life has been since I filled mine,
And as you read I hope you start,
Because you belong here,
No matter what others say or do,
And I know you forgotten how to smile,
But you will get it back even if it takes a while,
What you desire is someone to admire you,
But what you need is to admire yourself first,
You think you’re cursed,
But you are just a prisoner of your own mind,
Who needs to find their way out,
If you thought this poem was about me you are mistaken,
This poem was made for you,
To help break you out.
we often believe to find love we have to go searching for it somewhere else, when in reality we should have love already inside us. this poem shows what person feels after a heartbreak but also shows what must be done to get out of the feeling.
Chaotic world Aug 2017
I wish I was blind,
It would help ease my mind,
I wonder what it would be like to be blind,
Would I be able to find peace if I was,
Because I’m stuck in the jaws of the devil,
And he’s injecting with his venom,
It makes me see things that aren’t there,
It’s like a forever nightmare,
Where i’m running away from monsters created from my brain,
I try to restrain myself from going insane,
But I can't contain myself from the hurricane in my head,
Instead I let it spread to my heart,
It sets me apart from everyone else,
I wish I can say I was all alone,
That all I did was plug my headphones,
And all my worries just disappeared,
But the reality is I feared to be alone,
No one there allowed for my thoughts to come alive,
Which deprived me from a happy life,
Because I was constantly questioning what was real,
I wanted to seal my eyes shut,
But that wouldn’t stop the whispering in my ear,
It always felt like death was near,
And I figured death wouldn’t be a bad option,
Corruption filled my head,
Which led my imagination to be darkened,
And I became a burden,
I didn’t want to tell anyone I was seeing images,
So hear my words if you aren’t getting my messages,
I am schizophrenic,
And I’m not writing my story for you to feel apologetic,
I write for you to understand,
That there are others like me who try to withstand,
The disease that scares us to open our eyes,
So when our brain paints us a lie,
I pray someone is there to help us realize.
Chaotic world Apr 2020
There was so much on my mind that day
And yet it felt like nothing was good enough to say.
You never had to worry
All you had to do was look at me with those marvelous emerald eyes
And you had me picturing of a life where I could stare endlessly at them.
like a beautiful fire you brought warmth to me
And while the flames of my heart danced
I couldn’t stop but be mesmerized of everything about you.
What a cruel fate it is,
To know that you roam the very realms of my dreams
And no longer the realms of my reality.
It seems pointless to write these words about you
To have these thoughts of you
When it could be that I’m no longer a name that leaves your mouth.
Chaotic world May 2017
Everywhere I seem to go it always feel like you're there,
The despair you once had has now been passed on,
And now that you're gone,
It's harder for me to move on,
I wish I can say it was never like this before,
But you had always been at war,
And I used to always ignore,
I wish I was able to know,
When you started to feel low,
Woe was you,
And all I did was leave you alone,
Maybe if I walked in your shoes I would understand why you did it,
But for now I'll have to admit that I let you down,
You started to drown,
And I wasn't around,
You called me to stop you from breaking down,
Only to hear a voice mail saying I couldn’t reach the phone,
I left you alone with your own thoughts,
Which made you sought for paradise,
And you tried to compromise with drugs,
Hard drugs made you numb to the emptiness you felt in your heart,
You were falling apart,
And you started to realize this was the final chapter of your life,
All you did was dream of the afterlife,
And how wonderful it would be to stop this pain,
You asked the lord to explain why you were feeling like this,
And when you didn't hear an answer it dropped you further into the dark abyss,
You needed answers,
And I wish I could've gave them to you,
You decided to call again to tell me your goodbyes,
But I told you I was too busy to talk,
So you walked down the stairs,
Went to the kitchen and picked up a chair,
Stood on top of it with a rope around your neck,
And you stood there to think for a sec,
This was the first time you ever felt so high,
And you decided to stay there for there for the rest of your life,
Your parents walked in horror,
To realize their son had ended his story,
And now I write these words to describe my allegory,
All you needed was someone to show you that you weren’t alone,
Now I sit here and mourn for the memories we had,
It's sad to say that you live in my memories and not beside me,
I hope you are able to read this,
So you can know that I miss your presence,
I hope you found the heaven you were searching for,
And I hope you can save me a seat when it’s my time to go,
But until then I’ll live my life for the both of us.
Sometimes we believe suicide is the answer to stopping pain, but the reality is it just passes on to others. All it takes is one meaningful action to help someone.
Chaotic world Nov 2016
I'm a mess,
Surrounded by a cloud of darkness,
made up of people who are heartless,
That always leave my night skies to be starless.
Chaotic world Nov 2021
I can’t remember when I became fascinated
But I remember the reason why.
Such a magical piece of art
Designed to open unknown wonders
Or close them from thundering shadows.

light in my hand,
like gravity had no restrain on you.
Your shininess would always pierce my eyes
Like a puddle reflecting the suns powerful rays.
I collect hundreds of you
And for what?
Even If I found millions of them
None of them have ever fit your lock.
I always loved the idea of how love is like a key and a lock, so this is my attempt to write about someone who is trying to change themselves to fit the lock of of someone
Chaotic world Apr 2017
I see you moping around the house like I wouldn’t notice,
Tears rolling down your face because you think  you’re hopeless.
You don’t want to be in this life anymore and I know you didn’t think like this before,
You had dreams that you were never able to achieve because you had to leave them behind to keep me and my siblings alive,
I can tell that you’ve been through some things and it eats you alive when you’re awake and asleep,
You’re in a deep dark hole that was created by the society around us, and now you carry depression all around you like if it was a jacket.
The oppression you face everyday doesn’t get any better and being undocumented doesn’t make it any better,
You pray to the lord to help you out of this hole, but it doesn’t seem to be working,
I can still see you crying even if you smile at me and my siblings,
I want to help you because you are the only reason that I am here,
so let me learn the cure to your diseases,
I’ll show you that you aren’t insane to me, and that I accept you,
I’ll change the world so others can see what I see, which is a mother who loves her children like no other
Chaotic world Feb 2016
It was a simple puzzle,
Yet I couldn't find the right pieces,
I bended all my pieces just to finish the puzzle,
But it wasn't good enough,
So you took the puzzle away,
And gave it to someone else.
Chaotic world Apr 2020
Some days I feel like a sailor lost at sea
Sailing the endless ocean not knowing
if I will ever find my destination.
Sometimes it’s like I’m surrounded by a cloud of fog, blinded to the point where I can no longer
tell where I came from or where to go next.
Some days I want to see a light from the distance shining through that fog
Calling my name
Showing me where I need to be.
I wanted you to be my light house,
Clearing the fog around me
And letting me know that my journey ended with you. But I felt so lost when I was with you
Maybe because the lighthouse in you,
never wanted to turn the lights on for me
Chaotic world May 2016
We were both searching for love,  
Yet we didn't know what love was,
Because we both never felt it,
And we were never taught how to love,  
We wanted this idea of love,
So it's no wonder why we plunged into each other's lives so fast,
But I guess we went to fast,
Because we didn't catch each other,
We went through each other,
Taking only the things we were fast enough to catch.
Chaotic world Apr 2016
They say sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me,
Yet it's words that Pierce through the skin faster than any weapon,
Your sticks and stones may break me,
Yet the pain of that can fade away,
But a single word can cause pain for eternity,
A Pain that we never forget,
A pain that forever haunts us in our sleep,
It's like a wound  that never scars,
It just keeps open as a reminder,
A reminder of the day when we realized
Our hearts can be damaged,
Chaotic world Jul 2015
It's time to wake up,
Watch as the fantasy you've created crumbles
As every painting you've created rips
It's time to wake up,
Look around as you see your beautiful lie become ugly
And your warm summer days become cold winter nights
It's time to wake up,
Hear as the noises of the day transform into the silence of the night
And the once busy streets change into abandon dreams
It's time to wake up,
Because there's no use hiding reality's blows
if it eventually disguises itself,
As the shadows of your lies
Chaotic world Nov 2021
Where are we at
I couldn’t say for sure.
I know that you’re scared
Cause so am I,
You don’t have to lie to me
The same way you’ve been lying to yourself.
I don’t expect our story to be like a fairy tale
But god I don’t mind if it ends like one.
You feel alone,
Almost like you have no control
Of the feelings you have towards yourself.
But what does that mean ?
I couldn’t really tell you.

Where we at
It’s not easy to see,
I get the feeling that Im no longer someone dear to you
I guess it’s fine since we weren’t really trying
But it hurts a whole lot knowing that you couldn’t tell me the truth
And what is the truth ?
You are afraid to be happy with someone cause you fear that your past will come running towards you,
You concern yourself with people who haven’t seen your mask
And it’s crazy to me cause I do the same.

Where are we at
I have these thoughts overcoming my brain
But no real way to tell you about it,
I couldn’t even try if I knew how
You don’t respond the same way.
I guess everything comes and goes
Like birds migrating when winter arrives
But I guess I didn’t expect you to migrate from me.
I believed that the memories we had of me and you were pretty warm.
at the time I wasn't ready to be your home,
It wasn’t my plan to make you my all
I just wanted to enjoy the company and love that you gave back to me
Had I known this was how it was going to be
I would have enjoyed the moments I saw you a little bit more.
meeting someone that is perfect for you at the wrong time hurts a little because it will always be what could have been.

— The End —