My tolerance for pain is high
My tolerance for people is low
Life keeps going overwhelmingly too fast
When all I ever grew up with was slow
I hated myself for being different
Yet I couldn't force myself to change
To fit their mould and expectations
I didn't want to be just the same
I felt guilty for wanting different
No one told me it was okay
I find it difficult to allow myself
To ignore what people have to say
I'm afraid of judging eyes
Critical minds and shallow mouths
That judge how they see it
Or what other people have found
Slowly I am learning
That being myself is okay
I'm allowed to, I'll try to be
Unapologetically me, everyday

When people tell me
To not be sad or to not cry
I can't help but associate
Those feelings with myself
Who am I without my depression?
I grew up with it, it is a part of me
It is as if I hear
That I cannot be myself
Just try to be someone else
Try to be happy, they say
As if happiness was a person
That I am always compared to
A favourite child, that I'd always lose to
The first choice that he loves too
I can try to be her
I can force myself to be her
But I cannot be her
I can only be myself

Cry when your feelings
Are still fresh and pure
Holding them inside
Only taints the waters
The negative feelings
Manifest in tears unshed
If they are not free to fall
They are free to form instead
Into ice, building a shield of frost
To preserve feelings unexpressed
Until there is time to thaw
Or the ice shards will pierce through you
Breaking through your human walls
Aching to be acknowledged
Finding any way out
Through the pains of the body
Or outbursts of the mind
Unsaid feelings will have their say
As if they are an ocean
Contained in a tank  
You cannot keep the tide from coming

If your feelings can only be expressed
By human nature's raindrops
If you must break the dam
That holds your tears back
If you must open your eyes wider
To see past the blurry vision
As if your tears cleanses your sight
Bad thoughts, bad feelings and memories
Flow out through the windows of your soul
Keep them unlatched until the rain has ended
For storms like this come and go
The salty drops that stain your face
Are reminiscent pieces of your sorrows
They are no longer trapped
They are free to fall
It is okay to cry

I tried to get over you
But in a way, you wouldn't let me
I tried to avert those eyes I love
Yet you still had to look at me directly
I saw you as more than a friend
However, I still had to be friendly
I tried to let this friendship fade
Only life wouldn't allow it entirely
Those weird signs or connections
As if the universe likes to taunt me
How we coincidentally meet
In the oddest places unexpectedly
Now we are closer than before
You've seen the side
I desperately tried to hide
Now I can't hide it anymore
Today you comforted me
You hugged me out of consideration
I only felt your kindness through your touch
For once, without ill intentions
Maybe I'll get over you
Or you've settled in a special place in my heart
At least for now my heart is mending
And our friendship can finally restart

I wish I could go back to the time
When you were alone, afraid and confused
When things weren't alright at home
When you had no one else to turn to
I want to tell you it's okay
It's okay to not be alright
You may feel misunderstood and out of place
Like the darkness behind the light
You'll meet some great people
You'll make good memories
Even if it's not okay now
Believe me, it will be
You deserve the love you needed
Even if you didn't get it at all
Hold on tight and fight for it
Don't just give up and fall
You will use your pain as armour
And protect people like you
Your failures are your victories
Because you always seem to come through
Every time you get back up
Count that as a victory
The pain didn't stop you
You will become a better me

I hear so often
When you say you want to die
Think of everyone else
How much they would grieve and cry
When you're gone
Everyone focuses on the pain you left behind
The pain left in the hearts
Of the closest people in mind
But do they stop and think
About the pain you've endured
When they tell you to keep living
As if for them and not you, it's absurd
When I say I want to die
I want the pain to end
I don't know how to adjust normally
I'm still learning how to fit in
When I tell you I want to die
Please don't tell me this
Just think of everyone else
How much of you they would miss
Because I thought of them already
It just adds on more guilt
More self-blame, self-hatred
Have you ever asked how I felt?