how do you get rid
                   of the nightmares you get
                          with open eyes

Does anyone notice that I don't really have headaches? That I just blindly take these pills, wondering, as they slide down my throat, if they can possibly numb this dull pain inside my chest?

Why is it even possible to be this unhappy? I don't think I've ever cried so many times a day; so many days in a row. My eyes are never dry anymore—I'm always on the verge of bursting into tears. Meanwhile, the teachers think I'm wearing sunglasses indoors just to be rebellious.

It's a terrible feeling when you greet your parents and your mother ignores you. It's also a terrible feeling when you come home from hell (read: school) and she looks at you in disgust and even ignores your friend's "hello", forcing you to explain that it's not you she hates, it's me. I'm sorry. All this because you made one mistake. I should have died at birth. I wish I had. Perhaps then, I wouldn't be such a disappointment to everyone I come in contact with.

Would it really be so bad if I killed myself? The thing is, I would make an effort to stay alive, but I'm just so ******* tired. I'm tired of all these tears, letting everyone down, being so insecure, being treated like complete **** and then being expected not to be fazed by it. I'm just ******* tired. I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired. And I'm hurt.

Suicide could be the answer if I let it be. I just want peace.

i truly hate you,
youre the one who made me blue.
youre the one who tossed me aside,
always making me cry.
youre the reason why i stay up in the middle of the night,
crying from another fight.
youre the reason why i question myself,
wishing i could die and **** myself.
youre the reason why i feel abandoned,
getting pushed away after we spent a scandalous night of passion.
youre the reason why i question you,
always talking to a friend who used to have a crush on you.
youre the reason why i cant feel anymore,
always making me start a war.
youre the reason why i hear a voice in my head,
who wishes for slaughter and bloodshed.
youre the reason why i cant trust,
further damaging my heart of rust.
youre the reason why i hate being me,
always judging me.
youre the reason why i cant go out,
always cancelling our plans for a guys night out.
you never did choose me,
im never truly free.
i cry more now than i did without you,
i truly hate you.
i ******* hate you,
but i ******* love you.

I need a magician,
Someone to entertain my idle mind that always wanders to her.
I need a magician,
Someone to erase the clocks face because there is not enough time to catch her.
I need a magician,
Some one who can draw me a map.
Because I don't know all the ways to her heart.
I need a magician,
Someone to manipulate my brain and give me the courage to talk to her.
I need a magician,
Some one with a degree in illusion.
Because I need to be good enough for her.
I need a magician,
To ease my mind that is stuck on her.

I miss you
God, how I miss you
I've never missed anyone the way that
I miss you
Right now
Why can't you be here?
And I don't want to miss you
I know
There's no hope in yesterday
But only in tomorrow
Hope that you'll return
How naive of me to think you'll return
I know
It's just
I miss you
Its hard
Being without you, living without you
Anything without you
Is pain
Because part of me knows
You don't miss me
You're not writing poems describing just how bad
You miss me
But yet I still can't stop
Missing you
I guess after all that we've been through
I'm allowed to miss you
Sorry to be a bother
I just
Miss you