My life is now my delusion,
A world made of fantasies.
Happiness is no longer the illusion,
My life is my new disease.

No longer waiting to see what happens,
No more waiting on fate.
I will decide where it all ends,
I will show you all my hate.

You claim to be full of anger,
You spread nothing but lies.
Your time in my mind is in danger,
For you are whom I truly despise.

The look in your eyes is hard to handle,
It's almost something to be feared.
Is this true or just another scandal?
Where is your face--just mine I see mirrored.

In school, they teach you math and science, but they don't teach you about boys who pick apart your heart like flower petals, singing,
"I love her not, I love her not, I love her not."
My teachers did not show me how to pick myself up off the ground when he leaves. They did not teach me how to delete your text messages, burn your letters, and tear apart your pictures.
When I was in school, they did not teach me that smiles are fragile, and that once they're broken, they take years to repair.
I was not taught about boys like you, who are gentle with scarred skin. I was not warned of boys like you, who cower in heaps on their bed when they're lonely.
Nor did my mother tell me how to be careful with my mind full of secrets.
Never in school did they tell me that bed sheets can get lonely when he's not there to fill the space.

how do some people
not feel the need to
hide their tears?

how is it easy
for some people
to express their feelings?

how do some people
manage to cry
in front of the others?

how is it simple
for some people
to state what they feel
about things?

how is it acceptable
for some people's souls
to tell the world that they
are not happy?

how is it possible
not to hide something,
anything?

God, how i wish i knew how.

In order to love me,
Strength needs to be stronger than diamonds.
I have none, and I will use yours as if claimed
By a blood oath.
In order to love me,
Your arms need to embrace me in a way that makes me feel safe.
I care none about lust and skin,
But the love and purity behind it, the emotion and connection.
In order to love me,
Accepting my pain, my scars
Is priority. My demons are a part of me,
If you love me, you love them.
They are beautiful, fiery things, and they burn me.
In order to love me,
Your kiss needs to speak to the small part of my mind
That still has rationality.
It needs to say, "I love you,
I need you. I am here for you, I believe in you."
In order to love me,
You need to be you and be the kind of person that
Treats me like a flowerbed.
Lovely. Gently.
Carefully.

This blade controls me
This blade enters my skin without stuttering
This blade knows it's home within me
This blade hasn't yet cut too deep but has taken my life, you see
This blade is my life now
This blade slices through my skin like a hot spoon through butter
This blade draws art on my wrists and writes stories on my thighs
This blade will one day end my total existence
This blade is my addiction, you see
This blade has become my infatuation
This blade is wrecking me
This blade is scarring my skin with shiny white lines
This blade makes me joyous
This blade forces me to cut my activities short so it can cut my skin
This blade is my bestfriend, because when
This blade allows the red to run free of my flesh, I get giddy with excitement
This blade comforts me
This blade will be here 'till the end...