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i.
i am not angry,
and i won't be.
how someone could stay mad at you
is a ******* mystery to me.

ii.
maybe
you were right,
and not everyone
is an enigma.
but i believe that you are.
i believe that we are.

iii.
i still have all your letters.

iv.
speaking of letters,
i've tried writing you one before.
but words and humans
do not often cooperate.

v.
i hope you start a new york jar again.
you won't.
but i hope you do.

vi.
i will not forget you.
i will think of you,
and i hope you think of me, too,
on those days when the sky is a shade too dark
and your soul feels a little bit too empty.

vii.
i know now
that i do not
have to do anything.

viii.
i love you.
past.
present.
future tense.
i love you.
and i know you love me.

ix.
i hope you see this.
someday.

x.
shakespeare once said
that life's but a walking shadow.
but i believe --
i know --
that you are destined for something greater.
you
are going to make it.

xi.
if, by some miracle,
i can find a word,
a song,
a quote,
anything,
to describe you,
to do you justice,
i will let you know.
i hope you'll do the same for me.

xii.
i'm sorry.
for everything.
i wish it didn't end up this way,
but it did,
and so i won't waste time complaining.
but truly,
i am sorry.

xiii.
someday
you'll find happiness.

xiv.**
and maybe,
if the stars align,
and the water's calm,
someday you'll find me, too.

(a.m.)
i love you.
goodbye.
I know darling, I gave you an ocean of words
when all you needed were a few drops of rain.
At 6 she wanted to be a ballerina
At 8 she wanted to be a veterinarian
At 10 she wanted to be a teacher
At 13 she wanted to be pretty
At 16 she wanted to be dead

But..

At 18 she graduates high school
At 20 she studies for her final
At 22 she gets her diploma
At 24 she finds her career
At 26 she whispers "I do"
At 28 she holds her new born child
At 30 she wipes her tears and says

"I made it"
 Apr 2015 Cassie Stoddard
Louella
'I love you', he said. 'But I am not in love with you'.
' Interesting', she said. 'You never bothered to clarify when you were on top of me'.
Dear Everyone,
       One day, you're going to find me lying there, not breathing. Or you will receive a phone call, or you're gonna hear it on the morning announcements. Maybe the principal will arrange an assembly. You're going to look up the signs, and think "all the signs were there. I should have known." You'll talk to someone about it. They'll tell you it wasn't your fault. That you couldn't have done anything to help me or stop me. And that's true. But what you could have done was just listen to me. That's all I needed. Now, it's too late. I can't say that I'm not happy that I'm about to remove myself from this earth, because I am more than happy. I never meant to hurt any of you. But y'all have to understand that when I needed you, you were not there.

Dad. The last thing that I want is for you to think that I left this world hating you, because I didn't. Yes, I resented you for many reasons, because at first you refused to believe me about what Tyler did to me. He hurt me. You refused to give me the protection a father is supposed to give. I'm not saying that you were a terrible father, because everyone makes mistakes. I also resented you for cheating on Janie-- and I'm not saying that it was all your fault, because I know that she did the same thing, but you still had your part in it. Our family wasn't perfect, but it was good enough, and that's all that mattered. But your careless decisions ruined everything. For all of us.

Mom. As much as I want to hate you for leaving us, I can't. Because whether you want to accept it or not- you are my mother. I didn't think that's much to ask for. I just wanted you there. And you weren't. And you can't possibly know how hard that is for me. I'm 18 years old; you have missed my entire life, and now all the sudden you need more chances. One chance is enough. Maybe two. But now it's too late because after this letter, I won't be here. I could go on and on about how I feel, but the letter would never have an ending.

Chase, (biological brother) you abuse me in every way possible. You treated me like an animal. Ripped off my wings, and still expected me to fly. I want you to know, with all my heart, that no matter what you did to me, there is still a place in my broken heart for you to fill. You are my brother. And I'm not sure that what I'm about to do will hurt you, but if it does, I'm sorry, but I can't keep living like this. You are my everything, Chase. And I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to hurt me anymore either.

Amanda, (dad's girlfriend) You cheated on my dad back in 2014, after all my family has done for you. We provided a home for you and your three kids, a car, everything. I wouldn't say that we regret any of it, but we didn't deserve what you did. But I want you to know that I forgive you. As for dad and Chase-- I can't speak for them. I love you and your children with my whole heart, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I know that this is the most selfish think anyone can do, but if that's what it takes to end my pain, then that's how it has to be.

Tyler, I want to thank you for putting me through what you did, because it made me who I am-- well, who I was. It hurt, yes. You holding me down, ****** me. The pressure you held me down with was unbelievable. You burning me with a hot curling iron in places you'd never imagine. Introducing me to drugs, and shooting me up with them. April 17, 2011 was a day of nothing but torture. You are legally psychotic for what you did to me.  No one in their right mind would do something so drastic, so painful, so real. Especially to someone you're supposed to care about. There's only one explanation for why you did what you did. You don't know how to love. You try but you show it in the wrong ways. For years, I've put the blame on myself. You know why? Because you just don't do that to people you love. Yes. I said it: I loved you. Sometimes I think I still do.

Corey. (step brother) I tried not to hate you for making me play those games with you when I was 7. Doctor. I hated that game.. yet you still forced me to play. Now, I always think "why would you do that to a child. Much less your sister. Just think about that when you're visiting my grave. If you choose to spit on it, then do it. I can't stop you, I'm six feet into the ground.

Kaylin, you were my best friend and I told you everything, from my abuse as a child to now. I chose drugs and Tyler over you. And you turned your back on me, leaving me without a best friend. But you don't deserve what I did. You've been there since day one, and I'm sorry it has come to this and I'm sure it won't be easy for you-- or any of you at that. I'm really sorry to say this, but killing myself will be easy for me, because it's all I've ever wanted to do, all I ever hoped for.
"Goodnight" you said.
"Goodbye" I said.
And you never thought twice about it.
If breaking hearts is a crime
Death row awaits you.
SD
Some people walk into a room and light it up
She sets it on fire.
I want to feel
my legs shake,
as you create an
earth quake
inside of me
that'll leave me quivering
for days.
The choice is not about homosexuality or heterosexuality it is about being true to who we are.
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