Because starving doesn't hurt as bad
As looking in the mirror.

Because dragging a thin piece of metal
Across my skin, gives the pain a place to live.

Because when it's dark and I'm alone
There's no more voices to say "No."

Because I know it'll be hard for you
To understand- thats why I'll give you a hand.

Because I know how badly you want
To know me. But help me understand this-

Are you ready?

you find yourself alone
slumped in the corner
your knees to your chest
curtains drawn so not even the dawn can ask you how you're doing

all these years, you've swallowed the tears
as if they were bitter pills that would banish your fears
one more beer, one more hour
three hundred minutes thinking in the shower
your heart racing at the thought that this will all be over

you find yourself in bed
not asleep but drifting in the middle
every word you know becomes a riddle
every motion feels like a chore
drowning in an ocean without a shore

you lie there to your side
nothing to keep
but everything to hide

the silence
is deafening
and you never do get used to it
and you find yourself
talking with the dog
because the dog won't leave your side

and you don't dare look in the mirror
because the mirror would only look back
your only solace is but the cold and black
of sleep
you don't want any dreams
you don't want to weep
you just want the darkness
all day
and only the darkness
you keep

You crawled up within my skin
took a taste of my anxiety and welcomed yourself in
wove my fears together and built yourself a home
upon the road of my aching bones
you travel endlessly
and all these indoor bruises that they can not see
I can never stop feeling
Unable to keep you away
I buried my secrets six feet deep
but every day you bring them flowers
everyday you sing to them
and now I am the stranger
wandering hopelessly around your new home
every day I knock,
but no one's ever home

Intrusive thoughts..
Salty Sweet..
Shake the ground,
Beneath my feet.

though miles come between us and
     distance keeps us apart nothing can
           ever change the love inside my heart
                                                                         (t.a)

As far as people go I would say I'm not the best.
My emotions are far too volatile,
and I'm much too fallible.

I often feel that I'm falling to pieces,
I'm too codependent so I wait for people to fix me
(which never happens)

My writing is too emotional,
it has no structure,
its only purpose is to make sense of myself.

I'm a mess,
I'll confess that.

At least I know who I am,
accept myself for all of my flaws,
and take another step forward.

'Whenever I was with you I would flourish with happiness.
No drug would ever make me feel as alive as you could.
I swear all the anger in the world could disintegrate with the way I look at you.'

But you weren't a fool, you knew I was hopelessly In love with you. I couldn't hide it, it was written all over my face. But you only fell In love with my body not my soul. I only let you because I knew having a tiny part of you was better than not having you at all.

You would give me all the love and warmth I desired then pull me back out just because you could. When you realized you had gone too far, you'd look at me with a blank stare and a cold heart and spit out the words 'I don't love you'. Every single time you said it the pain would devour my body right in front of you. I knew that you didn't care, but I couldn't stop loving you. Even after my heart became dust from you tearing it apart.