he's always watching
threatening
exposing
talking.
spiking my anxiety.
i thought i had been through hell,
but he was Death,
cloaked in honey to mask the toxicity.
his handprints are burned
into my arm
around my neck
my side.
my stress made me skin and bones,
he was grateful,
for no more eyes would meet mine.
the shattered memories
sit still in Death's yard,
unmoved
ignored
but nowhere near unharmed.
he stalks.
he listens.
he cries that he misses me,
convinced himself he's in love,
convinced me i am nothing.
it's  not me he longs for,
it's all manipulation
thirst for power
abuse
fear
but never for anyone to see
anything close to the beast underneath.
the honey dried up,
crumbled away,
the night he threw me down and cursed me,
yet got me to stay.
Death haunts me each day i continue to exist,
breathe
move
try.
try to overcome,
but nothing can mend while he's looking
searching
waiting
no, nothing can lift me from what i've become.
he begs me to return
to his box
his hideaway
his trap.
every day, i remind Death,
i am never going back.
he may wait and he may beg
but i am not a prize.
you cannot win me
gain me
take me
use me
now that i see with living eyes.

What do I do
When I miss you?
Where do I put
All this pain?
What do I say
When they ask me,
Ask me if I'm okay.
Because, I'm not,
And I won't be,
Until you're back here.
But you're gone,
And I miss you.
What do I do
With all this fear?

Drug me up,
Because one pill
Is never enough.
Stuff me full,
Make me numb,
So the darkness stays within.

You hate my emotions,
So you take them
All away.
Keep me silent,
Compliant,
So that,
In my head,
They'll stay.

I'm going insane,
Out of my mind.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep,
Maybe it's your eyes.
I feel my lungs shaking,
I'm so tired
Of my heart aching.

I'm trying so hard,
I just want to be seen.
It's not easy
When you're stuck in between.
Between wanting to be with you,
And not knowing
What you want.

I know that what I want
Is to be yours,
For you to be mine.
Can it just be that simple,
Even after we haven't talked
All this time?

Be with me,
Show your true colors.
I won't judge,
I won't mock you,
I don't see like some others.

I see more than your face,
I see into your heart.
I'm trying my best,
But we're a million
Worlds apart.
So,
What the hell are we doing?

My mind can't stay focused;
You're everywhere.
You're the water,
You're the earth,
You're the wind in my hair.

My bones are suffocating,
Wrapped tight in vines and thorns.
You were my guardian angel...
But I've been wounded.
Now, I can see your horns