I push, with all my might
as my mind attacks your silence
and my heart whispers stop.

I believe for a second, then stumble,
clutching at hope,
in a last ditch attempt 
to hold on to myself,
to you,
to us.

I push again, harder now
drowning in defiance
as tears burn pallid flesh
and skin is softly bruised
by diagnosed loathing and sharpened hands.

I push once more
your name now an echo
too late upon my lips
an unwanted cry to the weary,
ever to remain unanswered.

I wish I could tell you all the things that make me small and cloud my vision with too much dark. I long to tear the words from my throat, to cast light onto the syllables that cause my heart to flounder.


I have cried a million tears since the day of my passing, none of which have begun to erode the stone in which my fears are set. They are chiseled too deeply into the lonely tomb that holds my sometime smile.


I wish I could tell you of all the things that make me small, I wish I could share my darkest dreaming and not fear the cloud of judgement that will settle upon your brow as it steals my breath and breaks my heart.


I can only love you and hope that it's enough.

Shatter me against your skin
shred my heart and drown my eyes
darkness whispers softly now,
temptation sings it's wicked lies.

Nail me to your whitewashed bones
tie my hands with spit and twine,
Flay my flesh til rawness weeps,
blood drips mark the passing time.

Hoist my heathen body high
my tortured soul the world to see,
that they may learn of what it means
to give a sacred heart to thee.

With a joint in the ashtray
and a pen in my hand
I travel through vapours
to my neverland
awareness fades slowly
to the drum beating time
as I float, now enraptured
slow-captured, sublime.
Where I am an island
no hurt at my shore
here grief doesn't beckon
'cause I love you no more
but deep in minds shadows
l feel you draw near
my bringer of sadness
sweet wringer of tears
I hear your dark whispers
rekindling our ties
I'm fighting, freefalling
through love laden lies.

I thought I was beaten,
deflated, despised
as words left me wounded
and kicked at my pride
I will not give creedence
to cruel, callous lies
and bold as a phoenix
from your ashes I'll rise.

Wrap yourself in me tonight

let darkest dreams appear 

Fear nothing now, for you are loved 

there are no monsters here

Lay with me but love me not
do not risk yourself for me,
words of warning grace my arm
my nature true, 
worn banner proud.
I am too many broken pieces to carry,
torn asunder
at the mercy of a cyclone mind.
My heart's key long banished
by one who walks at night
though never returns.
I will never be anything
but destruction.
Lay with me but love me not
Do not risk yourself for me.

Take your concerns, sweet mother
weave them with your hatred,
your bitter contempt of youth
Take your forced confessions
like poison from my Judas tongue
while you sigh in eager disappointment
at the damage done long before.

I was not made in your image
this was not my crime to answer
I was the cuckoo in the nest
a child of a wayward child, 
given in hope of more
in many ways gaining less

Affection in monetary value
a room full of treasures
to hide my empty heart
loveless and longing
for a connection with something other than your stinging palm

My rebellion, taken in personal tones
was against my existence, not yours
Unwanted, unloveable girl
my constant internal monologue
screaming above the screamers
that made my speakers bleed.

my need for you has not diminished
nor will my love for you fade
there is no understanding
for the misunderstood it seems
we remain locked in battle
bathed in tears, questioning love
your scars deep, my gratitude deeper.

Let the beat of our besotted hearts
bring rhythm to our knotted limbs
with no one here to tell us now
where I should end and you begin.

Silence falls as darkness comes
bleeding colour from the earth.
Alone I sit, screen lit, waiting for sleep to find me.

It's there we meet,
there we create sparks of light to rival galaxies.
There is no beauty finer than that created in nether worlds,
tales woven through darkness and sub conscious need,
while demons weep at the beauty of our souls.

Tides may change at the moon's behest,
daylight mocks our longing
yet we remain steadfast
You my flotsam, I your jetsam
tossed within life's currents,
while we cling to our conscience
in hope of repair.
Praying into the void for forgiveness and the dimming of the sun,
that we may dream once more.

I have loved you
Though you are not mine to love
For this I remain
Unapologetic.

She will not speak to you of darkness,
she'll keep her sickness hidden well
a painted smile on filthy carcass,
a secret sworn to never tell.

She loves you though her heart abhors it,
she wrestles with her troubled mind
and hopes that in her broken spirit
a grain of beauty you may find.

She knows that when you see her closely
your heart will flee to others arms
for there can be no swift repairing
of wounds torn deep by lovers harm.

I'm all alone, sat here at home
my ***** mind begins to roam
I have an itch, I need to ease
won't you help me baby..please?

I'm sending out this sirens plea
in hope that you will rescue me
come to my aid and quell my plight
it can't be wrong if it feels right.

Lets tear at clothes and make some noise
I'm tired of all my other toys
that hum and rattle through the night
in hope of bringing sweet delight.

I beg you baby, roll the dice
kiss me once, then take me twice,
with you I'll play my favourite game
I promise you'll be glad you came.

Time marches on
fleet of foot
regardless of hope
in spite of love
it's beat, unwavering
drowns out our pleas.

Have you seen the revolution?
did it quiver your repulsion?
sitting there in feigned rejection,
laughing at his resurrection.
Gone is word of insurrection,
take it now to your affection,
entertain his sweet deception
while he plays with his *******.

Tonight I walk alone in darkness 
where Demons tear at forbidden flesh
to carve my flaws into my skin

I am beauty, despised by my own reflection.
I am carnal joy, wrapped in bitter torment.
I am love everlasting, wrapped in deepest loathing.
I am all and nothing in turn.
Begrudgingly breathing, 
betrayed by the steady beat of my heart.

Tonight I walk alone in darkness.
It's weight leans steadily
against my unsteady nature
as my once dream filled soul
screams into the abyss.

We grew, wild and ragged
in leaf dappled sunbeams
our roots entwined in woodland dens
alive with whispers of secrets shared
and learners kisses.

Summer stretched cat-slow before us
as cool morning dew
lay it's bounty at shoeless feet
and bluebells bowed in reverence
to the dawning of the day.

Winding brooks sang of freedom
as all of nature harmonised
the melody lifting and lilting
to soothe the jealous moon.

How fortunate we were
to thrive at nature's breast
nestled warmly within her constant heart
wrapped safely in her many shades.

Crimson curls strewn wildly
across a sleeping chest
bright as blood on snow
against sated skin
weary limbs entwined
supple in their satisfaction
as dappled sunbeams
light the spoils of their surrender.

Bourbon flows sweetly,
Alice is In Chains,
bringing dreams of hungry kisses.
Beneath.

Steal away at twilight's calling
make your bed and tell your lies
meet me on the lonely hillside
bathed in guilt and alibi's.

Take me to the singing river
hold me under, wash me clean,
rid my spirit of this longing
breathe to life my only need.

Lay me down on emerald pasture, moonlight pale with eyes aglow
make my skin your only comfort,
savour pleasures yet unknown.

Touch me where he shall not enter
take your hands and soothe my soul,
press your holy weight upon me
taint my flesh and make me whole.

Take me home in sacred silence,
once again we mourn our deed
hearts now closed, our minds preparing
tales of time, meant to deceive.

Quiet guilt it will not linger
as we crave to taste once more
taken hearts and love forbidden
wrapped in lies forevermore.

I'll often go on Facebook
to while away the time
my friends are there,
we have a laugh
share music, pics and "smiles"

but lately things are changing
there's trouble in the air
with ugly hearted bigots
posting hatred everywhere.

I will not hate my fellow man
how ever hard they try
I really couldn't give a ****
if the blushing bride's a guy!

I will not fear a Muslim,
nor any other creed
they're not all bad, they're not all good
They've done nothing to me

So a word to all you fascists
please take your evil deeds
and stick them where the sun don't shine
not on my newsfeed!

We sit
While unspoken words
form scar tissue
On our bitter tongues

On evenings like these I find there's nothing finer
than reclining in peace with ice cold mango cider.

My troubles suspended in smoke scented sweet
while kittens purr softly, asleep at my feet.

I sit in my garden and watch the sky flow
from sunlight to starlight in hues treacle slow.

Here heaven arrives, solace mine for the asking,
when Rocky sings softly of White Daisies Passing.

I did not hear your cries as I wrenched a thousand words from my breast,
nor your protestations as my eyes recalled yet another deep magenta sky.

I did not see your tears of frustration as I marvelled at the world,
singing at snow angels and harbouring the winter chill.

I did not feel your heartbeat leave mine as the russets fell
nor did I  hear you call my name over my frustrated sighs and readily tempered ego.

I did not notice your silence
until I saw you drowning as I described the water.

Gaslight Anthem**

On President Street, you'll find the sisters
Praying over
My city's heart
While Union Avenue
Turns to its disciples
Who feels the pressure heat coming on hard?

And If all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
Dared belong to me

And Juliet she's just smoking by the window
Saying stone cold
I believe in you Romeo
And the raindrops in the cars
Keep on falling from off the bars
Blocking out a good song
Playing on the radio

And if all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
(Dared belong to me)

Well I've been down
I've been out
Had my head and my heart kicked around

I've been down
I've been out
Had my head and my heart kicked around

But in the quiet of the night
Romeo's mind is burning
From putting all of his blood
Into them sermons

And If all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
Dared belong to me

(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me.

The room felt shallow
time expanded and contracted with rapid blinks
shallow breaths became the fuse to my dynamite heart.
Struggling to avoid emotion
I flounder, slow motion roaming
to fast forward endings
pressure builds as fear blooms
it's dark petals clouding my vision
as my lungs beg for light.

You could be so pretty
if
your hair was straight
or at least neat 
and not fire engine red

You could look so lovely
If 
you didn't insist on wearing
tatty jeans
Yellow Dr Marten boots
Dropkick Murphys tees
and you weren't covered in tattoos

You could have a better life
If
You hadn't married
that blue eyed
empty pocket
*** smoking
dreamer

You could have more time to clean
If 
you didn't waste it
writing pointless poems
with your head in the clouds
listening to that awful racket

You could be more ladylike
If 
you didn't attend protests
railing against politics
didn't smoke, drink,
swear like a sailor
and stayed away from mosh pits.

You could be better
If 
you were a lot more me
and a hell of a lot less you
After all I've done
You were not what I was expecting..

Well, it was good talking to you
I love you mum
I love you too..
Lets do this again soon!

He runs through her fingers like sand
the warmth of him
his breath on her neck
a touch of his hand
then nothing
as time steals him away
leaving her lonely still.

A collaboration with Jack**

For within the veil of darkness
where shadows dance in place of light
Searching for answers…lost smiles
along a curved road of desperation…I reach for your hand

You, my anchor, my beacon of light
shine down on me this day
call my name over roars of bitter sorrow
so that I may chase its echo back to you

And of this night I sing your name
melodic whispers upon a moonbeam
slowly peering through a saddened haze…parting
illuminating the silhouette of your beauty

Then we shall dance upon stardust
our arms and hearts entwined
no more by darkness captured,
your loving hand in mine

Now as we touch I find this light is not of me,
not of moon glow shimmering on the mist,
nor stars twinkling on a velvet night, it glows of your smile
which I have so longed to see…once again

Motionless
I stare at my past
as it enters the present.
A rush of cold blood
dismantles my stance
as I shake within the bellowing air
and mourn as the act unfolds.

I don't want pretty flowers
or jewels from distant lands
nor a glass of sparkling champers
as we eat in restaurants grand.
I have no need for riches
nor to lay on foreign sands,
I just want all my clothes ripped off
by rough and eager hands.

Do not unwrap me gently
like fragile, precious gifts,
please tear and break me open
with your teeth and passions kiss.
Don't take me to the bedroom
to conform in cotton sheets
as beds are made for comfort
and not for what I seek.

These walls are made for leaning,
and the table aims to please,
this carpet made for placing
stinging burns on hands and knees.
Or take me to the garden
make me scream unto the sun
and roll me round in morning dew
until the deed is done.

Take note of these instructions
and my sweet spot you will find
You've followed them a thousand times,
though only in my mind.

Since I was an innocent
I've been a ***** and proud
each album loved, each song adored
and all played way too loud.

I lost my heart in Candy's Room,
while the dogs on main street howled,
I searched for love in darkness
out on the edge of town.

First love flowed with The River
to seal the Ties That Bind
our Two Hearts watched love Fade Away
as Mary softly cried.

These songs they are my heartbeat
and many more besides.
I thank you for providing
the soundtrack to my life.

Brushed aside
unimportant
all emotion
laying dormant
Needing someone,
showing weakness
bow my head
to plead forgiveness.
Fools believe
that they could matter
fragile hearts
lay broken, scattered.
Twist the knife
then turn the page
too tired for sleep
too numb for rage.
Self hatred wins
the sweet redeemer
as lies unfold
to scar the dreamer.

You, the keeper of tides
silvering shadowed streets,
illuminating the hush
as sleeping infants dream.
Tonight your light
will touch troubled hearts
with bone-chilled fingers.
Be gentle, sweet Luna
let them know the sun will come.

There will always be bad days and sad days and blue days
there will always be lonely too little of you days
there will always be dull days with nothing to do
but the best days are always spent dreaming of you.

There will always be love hiding just out of sight
There will always be searching for meaning and light
There will always be moonlight and lone whistle cries
but I'd trade all these wonders for one of your smiles

There will always be longing for far distant lands
There will always be words flowing out through these hands
There will always be friendship both steadfast and true
There will always be me, may there always be you.

Alice in Chains**

Bury me softly in this womb
I kept this part of me from you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb... in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Well you don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now I'm a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied

Down in a hole and they've put all
The stones in their place
I've eaten the sun so my tongue
Has been burned of the taste
I have been guilty
Of kicking myself in the teeth
I will speak no more
Of my feelings beneath

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
I'd like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

Bury me softly in this womb
Oh I want to be inside of you
I give this part of me for you
Oh I want to be inside of you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers (Oh I want to be inside of you)
In a tomb... in bloom
Oh I want to be inside...

Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, losin my soul
Down in a hole, feelin so small
Down in a hole, outta control
I'd like to fly but my
Wings have been so denied

There is nothing to fear in the darkness
There is nothing to fear from the dead
This evening these words are my mantra
As I climb up the stairs to my bed.

I wont spend the night jumping at shadows,
that floorboard just creaked cause its old.
That wasn’t a sigh in the darkness
belonging to long tortured souls.

Im sure I just saw someone moving,
something lurks over there in the gloom,
just waiting for me to get sleepy
before dragging me back to its tomb.

Was that just a noise from the closet?
Or was it from under the bed?
Im pretty sure it was a monster!
Or maybe its all in my head.

Now a grown up should really know better
and I chastise myself with much scorn
still, I'll bury my head 'neath the covers
and refuse to peep out until dawn.

Dear Daddy
The best thing you ever did
Was leave.

Would you sell your soul for smiling
count my worth in copper coins
lay in darkness everlasting
trapped within these mortal *****

Push against the pins of daylight
lest their glory guide your eyes
away from me until the twilight
brings the pain of dark desire.

Tear at flesh and mark your longing
there upon my yearning breast
rid my heart of others wanting
until you are all that's left.

They tell me I'm bipolar
I'm not sure what that means
other than my life is ruled
by council run care teams
They tell me to stop cutting 
They tell me not to jump
I'm quite surprised they don't take notes
each time I take a dump
They worry I'm too happy
then panic when I'm low
at this point my emotions
have nowhere else to go.

They say I'm schizophrenic
and part of me agrees
The other part is not so sure
and screams at all she sees
They say I'm not "engaging"
as I sit here on my bed
but engaging isn't easy
with these voices in my head.
so they fill me with their poison
in many coloured pills
Some to cure the side effects
but none to cure my ills.


I am not a list of symptoms
I'm a person brave and true
but life dealt me it's harsher cards
so now I'm muddling through
I wish you'd seen me better
before all this took hold
I wish you'd heard my laughter
when I was free and bold
Most of all I wish you wouldn't judge as you walk by
or give me sympathetic looks with deep well meaning sighs.

In the end we're all just people
struggling on this mortal coil
some bury feelings deeply
while some bring them to the boil.
The moral to this poem,
for I know this much is true
all walks of life have lingered here
Someday "I" might be " you".

Oh to be there when you wake, your skin sweet and warm with the echoes of slumber. To watch as your smile dawns, more beautiful than any sunrise that has ever brought my world to life. 

To place my head upon your shoulder, my fingers coiled around yours, as our limbs tangle in hope of purchase against our parting and kisses bloom sweeter than any gift man's heaven could bestow.

Oh to lay there in stillness, silent against the insistent morning as love draws breath and home is found within whispers of tomorrow.

Break the monotony.
Note the dichotomy
of adverts that tell us to
please drink....responsibly.

Worship the wannabes
counting their calories,
though gorging on fame
is the worst kind of gluttony.

Don't be a commodity
to hell with conformity
refuse to be part of this un-divine comedy.

I make no apology
for my air of despondency
as you take all too gladly
your TV lobotomy.

The tiniest gift
wrapped in wrinkled skin
eyes closed, softly breathing.

Fragile fingers grasp mine tightly, forming bonds and sealing pacts.

My heart leaps at the sight of your button nose.Your blossom cheeks, velvet soft, draw kisses from my lips with ease.

I gaze at your brow and wonder at your dreams.
There is no purer love than this.

If love was just a wish away
and every dream came true
I'd pull the stars down from the sky
and give them all to you

For all the words I write are yours
I bleed for you alone
If I could hold your pretty stare
it's there I'd  find my home

But I am just a lonely scribe
of whom you're unaware
if I was graced with just one smile
my parchment heart would tear.

So I will wish upon the moon
and beg upon her grace
that I will love forevermore
her light upon your face.

Silence is bearable
without the weight of expectation.
We survive in limbo
waiting for the explosion, though the bomb has already dropped.
Life stands still, days meander slowly through memories of a time when love was blinded by the bright lights we adored.
We stare down the barrel of a future departed, careful not to draw blood as we tiptoe through our pretty debris.

On a stool he sits
at the beer sticky bar
his face deep furrows
his eyes sad pools once aflame
lost in memories of vigorous youth
and hearts broken.
Nicotine stained fingers tremble
and seek purchase on the cold unyielding glass.

He remembers the gleeful shouts of boyhood
all muddy hands and scraped knees
lollipops and liquorice
tally-**'s and triumphs
before the end.

He remembers a girl
bright eyed and winter wild
wrapped in lace and garlands.
and the dreams they shared of things to come.
He remembers tiny fingers, laced with his
and sleep-warm milky breath against his cheek,
his reflection in adoring eyes
before the end.

He remembers arguments won and wars fought
friends lost in battles raw
young men returning with torn futures
their glory but a murmur
before the end.

He breathes a fractured sigh in memory of ghosts
and gossamer thin echoes
His long dead comrades at his shoulder now
beckoning him away, for they know his time is nigh
" once more" he whispers in silent hope
Before the end.

The musician and the poet
such a cliched pairing
in love with brutal love
our melancholy muses
chasing shadowed souls
into the brightest of light.

She sits draped in dreams
her dress made of scars
time drips, molasses slow
her torturous tormentor

She waits 
shackled to the memory of your touch
as she traces the curve of your smile
behind faded eyes.
Dust settles.

Your shadow will never arrive at her door
never again will her lips brush yours
of this she is certain
Yet wait she must....just in case.

Funny Child
sparkling sapphire eyes
full of misadventurous adventure and whirlwind mutiny.
Never be still
For you are the beat of my heart.

I haunt myself in darkened rooms
a vague recollection of beauty
aged and worn by your changing tides
Solitary as driftwood on winter shores in your company
I sit
shadow silent in my absence
While busy hands do busy things to pass the numbing time.