Little blue pills 
in neat little rows
Promise sweet release.

Dance with abandon before those who dare not see your soul. Let your sweetest song carry upon their waves of disdain. 

Take their envy, their bitterness and make it your strength, use it to stand fiercely against the harsh winds of their contempt. 

For you alone guide your dreams.

Be the light in darkness,  an outstretched hand, a weaver of wondrous desires. 
Be a friend, a shoulder, a lover, a shelter, a storm.

Be you and someday the world will rejoice at your smile.

The sun rises and with it the fight begins, kicks and blows rain hard as I catch my reflection and see the futility of my existence staring back at me. 

This is my war. 

There will be no peace talks with my adversary, she dwells inside, stubborn, unmoved by my suffering, mocking the medication meant to silence her being. 

She is glass shards. 

She is the shrapnel of my past, forever deeply embedded in my tired future. 

She is hatred of my very self. 

She claws at me with sweet suggestions, whispered screams of unending torment, temptation to cease being burns at her core as I am drawn blindly to her flame. 

There is no ceasefire, no peace in which to dwell, no escape from the constant hum of her displeasure. 

She is me, I am her.

Our silent battle as old as time.

I see her watch me through tear filled eyes, her hatred bristling at my smile as she sings of my flaws and tosses all hope to the ground to shatter irreparably.

She is mine. I am hers.

We dance in time to sympathetic looks and tired sighs as loved ones speak of self indulgence and stiff upper lips.

She will be, that I may not.

She will not be silenced.

These inkstained fingers
bare my soul
naked and spiralling
I deceive myself with your memory.
It was you,
the first touch
on naked flesh
too young to grasp
the magnitude.
It was I
that loved your every breath
never questioning that I belonged
right there
within the warmth of your laugh.
It was time
that showed me it was a lie.

My eyes will cry for you once more
when evening brings it's softened hue
in mourning now for love, adored,
left longing for the warmth of you.

The tears they will flow crystalline
to feed the sea at sorrows shore
this isolation aches my bones
and numbs my heart forevermore.

As daybreak cracks the wounded sky
I lift my face unto the sun
though time will heal these wounds,
pristine
You'll always be my only one.

I could bathe in your words, let them soak into my skin as I luxuriate in every lust filled line, every plea for passion floating around me in scented steam as I lay back and dream of how I would taste upon your tongue, how my breathless voice would sound in your ear.
I travel through countless worlds created by a million words but none touch me where touch is so sorely needed, none set my skin aflame and leave my breath caught in my throat, marking your absence there.
Oh won't you journey into my depths to rest awhile within the folds of my passion as I drip, honey slick from your eager mouth, my trembling hands knotted at your crown, my every wish granted as I fall to my knees in worship of your mighty pen

I sit at my window pen in hand
staring at blank pages, willing them to speak, to whisper something of my frustration and shatter the silence within.
I curse the ink that blackens my fingers as it flows without ebb, skillfully scratching out the mundane, the lists, the cards, the endless to do's, only to  become as mute as my friendless tongue when feelings threaten escape.
I struggle to contain all that I feel, all the loathing of all that I know and all that I am within this small form. The threat of drowning a reality and sometime solace.
Emotion unknown chokes my soul as fear cages my heart within it's cold clenching.
This art was my voice, my passage to sanity. Now ticking clocks and glowing paper mock my troubled mind.

While I wonder at the point of it all.

I was made of glass
fragile and hollow by design
reflecting those around me
but never quite fulfilled.
I shattered, tiny fragments glistened
like tears
But still I felt nothing.
Sorrow slipped silently
numbing a soul hungry for all yet thirsting for none
I sat in darkness waiting
for you to see the sunbeams
glancing off the shards and think them beautiful
but you were blinded by so many splinters
that you could never imagine the whole.

When the mockingbird she sings no more
and all her scars are healed
she will give in to honest hope
as love, it is revealed
will slowly mend her broken wings
and set her off to soar
no more to feel the loneliness
that filled her every score.

I wandered through the forest
whispered to the rushing pine
looking for a new direction
but your face I couldn't find.
So I climbed atop the mountain,
screamed your name into the dark
skipped stones across the mirrored lake
as you once skipped my heart.

When I woke within this aching
burning bright, my one desire
you were hiding there in shadow
standing tall with eyes of fire.

You lay me down and took me
as the moss it cooled my spine
and I shivered deep within the haze
of your skin touching mine.
We stayed that way til sunset
seen by none but us alone,
but my screams were heard as echoes
In the valley down below.

You scream
"Be Obscene"
My darling....you have no idea.

Last night I drowned in whiskey sighs
and long forgotten names.
Scenes of a life on showreel flickered
past my smoke dried eyes.
Reaping memories from curled photographs dampened by the mists of time,
harvesting my youth for sustenance against my growing years.

We stood beer-brave in tented fields
sunshine grins grimaced at *** wide eyes,
bare feet caked in ancient loam
as we danced with the joy of jesters
to a beat unheard as it carried.

We vibrant few, army booted, rainbow clothed
misunderstanding forever,
believing it was ours to keep in tattooed burlap.
While too many Floyd wrapped sunsets slowly sealed our fates.

Away, away
'til our souls embark on twilight's dreaming
to dance with the cunning dark.

Love tore my throat in moment fleeting
as crimson heralded the dawn
a pretty penny paid his choosing,
then left my little ones to mourn.

My mind recalls his treasured whispers
while here I lay in sweet decay
cursed by the nature of my Mister,
now hidden from the light of day.

Though worms they feed upon my beauty
and soil has caked my raven hair
my soul remains in chains beside him,
on darkest nights he feels me there.

In terror now he wakes from dreaming
my name a scream that fills the room
his eyes meet mine and sweetly smiling
I pull him down to meet his doom.

Did you travel here through darkness
Touch my cheek, whisper my name
your eager hand my swift undoing
your kisses bringing skin aflame.
Did you love me oh so deeply
as you entered velvet dark
did you hear my breathless yearning
did you race my bitter heart.
Now I wake in lonely bedroom
hushed and longing in your wake
I **** the earth, her cruel circumference
and beg her now my soul to take.
Tonight I'll sleep the sleep of angels
and dream as only sinners do
of distant shores and carnal pleasure
in hope it brings me back to you.

You and I are missing things
set aside, forgotten.
Dust falls heavy on broken shoulders
dislocated by light.
We mourn the loss of something,
though we know not the tangible feeling nor the name of that we lack,
just that it has gone.
We see it in others, a smile placed,
a hand held, a tear dried
and wonder at it's heavenly release,
as we lay chained at Hades gate by our own hated disposition.
I will sing for you a song of death, while blackness seeps from unclean hands.
I pray that you will see in me
all that others fear
and find it glorious.

Fear not the moonlight's lonely calling
lets dance a while as stars are falling
to tunes formed from our hearts desiring
and gladly we shall greet the morning.

Though Luna's sorrow may be bright
enchanting all on loveless nights
take heart and whisper with delight
that love is here, just out of sight.

Then when the dawn in chorus starts
and from our skies she softly parts
please offer up as she departs
a kiss upon her lonely heart.

I long for still and silent sleep
'neath rugged stone and pretty flowers
to lay in peace at turmoils end
as larks sing by the passing hours.

I do not long for mourners tears
nor wringing hands to mark my loss
Just quiet song to lift me up
from where I lay beneath the moss.

And once my soul has flown it's last
and bid farewell to those held dear
I'll whistle through the summer breeze
with joy that I'm no longer here.

I will stand in petals
torn from blooms
and hope with all I've got
that someday soon
my heart will heal
and I will love you not.

I emerge from the cocoon of your chilled form with music in my knowing smile. My heart blossoms and beats without restraint. There is a sweetness to the air I cannot place, an electricity, tangible on the stirring breeze. My eyes lift to the heavens, grateful for the lack of salt that has marred their vision for so many years. I am all. I am everything caught whirling in this softening glow, this haze of glory mine to keep for all lifetimes that pass in the blink of wondered eyes. I embrace the morning with a love unfettered and know that she is mine. This is freedom.

Free me now and leave me lonely
take your broken heart from mine,  dry your eyes, these tears won't save us
as we tread our final mile.
Scattered dreams and shared belongings
gathered up and set apart,
works of ours, once shared, now reeling,
silent, as we break their hearts

You arrive at my door 
my blessed gift, with sweetest words
that lift me unto the skies
to soar within the sunbeams of your affection
I pray there never comes a day
that my eyes do not meet yours 
over morning coffee and tender words
Heads bowed, hearts touching
May we always linger here.

I need to break the cycle
shake the sadness, smite the gloom,
while all my signs are vital
and before I reach my tomb.

I need to laugh in rainstorms,
breath in the finest smoke
and drown in sweet tequila
among sweet good humoured folk.

I need to blast some Springsteen
get some clothes on, get a grip,
because frankly all this maudlin crap
is making me feel sick.

I need to scream in forests,
get my bare *** in a lake
let the water freeze my **** off
then go home for tea and cake.

I cannot bear this sadness
leaching out from every pore
so I'll work my way right through this list
and then I'll scream....
ENCORE!!!!!

The sun mourns your absence,
her faded warmth muffled by wool- damp clouds
her once riotous light now muted
casting melancholy shades
over tear stained streets
as she listens for the echo of your laugh.

I will put my heart
in it's rightful place
locked away, defeated
quietly nestled in cold storage.

I am nobody's gift
Nor anyone's passion
I am not seen with heart shaped eyes
My belonging is futile

I will lay my pen to rest
I will drown in crumpled paper
as my tear stained muse
laments my echo

Love does not live
within the cracked walls 
of silent existence
Love does not sing
within the void I created
Love does not listen
to pleas made in darkness
Love does not love
me.

You're gone.
I stumble through the dark.
Thoughts explode, lighting the dark with mocking tones. I would gladly die to call your name, to reach the unreachable but it's too late to draw breath.

A scream escapes my throat, tiny against the lack of you it dies without echo.

I am alone, afraid of my need for your comfort, afraid of my quickening heartbeat, afraid of  myself.

I am the coming storm.
Shadows dance in my wake, wrapped in lace from the gowns of the jilted, they drink my tears as their music turns tainted flesh to stone.

I am nowhere.
Here reality becomes transparent. The illusion of happiness and love  revealed to me in rapid flickers, a tickertape parade of twisted lies lurking in the folds of lovers limbs.

You're gone.
I stumble through the dark.
Tonight I will give myself freely to the depths, in the hope of no return.

Boredom settles,  silence reigns.
now stubborn heart calls wastrel's name.

You come to me in splinters.
I drive them in, you smile at the agony.
Punctured skin brings ribbons,
cascading life in scarlet.
My suffering, your solace.
Push deeper, let them grind against brittle bone, tear at tendon and humming vessels.
That we may feel something beyond this quiet comfort.

Settle here with me a while
with cup of tea and morning smile
let sunlight bathe our waking skin
and listen as the day begins

The birds they sing of gloried morn
while sleepy kittens stretch and yawn
as chiffon clouds go floating by
suspended in an azure sky

Then face the world with all it's trials
my hand in yours,your heart in mine
and go with doubtless courage true
for I am always here with you.

There are no stars tonight
the sea, granite smooth,
whispers secrets to the shore
as it sits in wait.
Cliffs green with moss appear grey
and lend shadows to the silvered sand.
A lonely cry splits the dark
fading swiftly into the hush.
All boats are silent now
haunted by the sirens call,
they hold their breath
under a sliver of moon.
Silence rules the landscape
as the drowned take breath.

"I want to throw my head back
dig my nails into your skin
and ride you like a rodeo
while taking swigs of gin"

You say in no uncertain terms
"I'm much too old for that
these dishes still need washing
and I have to feed the cat"

"Lets tear each others clothes off
paint our bodies with delight
and crumple up our fresh washed sheets
let passion burn the night"

You look at me like I've gone mad
and say "that's not for me"
"I need to put the bins out and
  there's football on tv"

So I dress in finest flimsies
in the hope of causing thrills
you tell me "put a sweater on, it's cold, you'll catch a chill"

You see I like loud and rowdy
and he likes slow and sound
I haven't got much time for that
We're too long in the ground.
Now I've given up completely
don't know what to try or say
so our missionary marriage
lives to see another day.

Did you feel me through your dreaming
as I loved you in deep dark
velvet skin your senses warming 
as I kissed your beating heart.

Did you feel my warmth envelop
taking all with slow desire
sat astride the depths of pleasure
eyes ablaze with carnal fire.

Did you feel the tension rising
changing rhythms taking toll
binding flesh with pulsing passion
sweet explosions letting go.

Did you sigh on waking lonely
pray for evening to begin
to feel once more while sweetly dreaming
the ghost of me upon your skin.

Heat lays heavy,
bodies glisten,
grateful
for the three second breeze.

Play me a tune with the bluest of notes
Sing me the words in your heart
Bring me to tears with the lilt in your voice
bury me deep in your art.

'Neath a blanket of stars with your sad guitar
Courting the moon in her prime
the simplest of gifts you bestow to her glow
A kiss in D minor, sublime.

Time to say goodbye it seems
to all I've loved and held too dear
as fate has turned her hand again
and loneliness has turned to fear.

There'll be no saviour for my soul
no prayer to light it's leaving,
no bowing heads nor wringing hands
in sad pretence of grieving.

No more to walk this earth alone
No more to bare my sorrow
No more to dread with every eve
the promise of tomorrow.

This dark is filled with ghosts.

Teaming fingers, bone cold with the agony of sorrow brush my brow, willing me to mourn, to cease to be within this beating form and join the shadows that beckon.
I chase oblivion down to the bottom of the nearest bottle and beyond, my smile a painted scar that masks the ugliness within, as numbness creeps silently into the corners of my soul.

I will not belong within the hearts of the living.
I will not be long at all.

I wander through the evergreens
past stones no longer bearing names
the posy scent of faded blooms
now mingle with the falling rain.
My only company a crow
with beady eye and mourning clothes
aloud he cries into the squall,
this keeper of a thousand souls.
He leads me on to where you lay
in silent slumber all alone
in comfort now I pray you'll be
each stormy night and frosted morn.
The wind now moans its sweet lament
to bow the trees, their heads in shame
as tattered posies turn to dust
among these stones that bear no name.

Today will be a good day
put on your favourite shoes
and skip along the pavement
give ******* to the blues

Leave your troubles for tomorrow
kick your worries into touch
just one day of easy living
isn't asking for too much.

There have been too many bad days
filled with darkness, hurt and loss
so lets pack them up and seal them tight
within a puzzle box.

Say hi to fellow strangers,
and be giving with your smile
then see it warmly echoed
in the faces passing by.

Yes, today will be a good day
I'm determined that it's true
and my heart hopes most sincerely
that you have a good day too.

Love
Loathe
Hurt
Repeat.

Oh to live amongst the glitter of stars
In unbroken velvet silence.

The girl she stood upon the stage
amongst the rainbow glow
and sang with power raw and wild
a passion all her own.
She sang of youth and politics
and of the poor man's plight
but as she sang the crowd talked on
ignoring her, despite
the fact they'd paid good money
to hear music here tonight.
They waffled on ' bout nothing much
the weather and such like
while all the while she sang her heart out through her lonely mic.

Guitar strings thrashed, her voice it soared
as though her life depended
on bleeding out her heart and soul before the night had ended
with the crowd engaged in other things
their selfies, blogs and texts
she left the stage with happy thanks
and introduced the next.

What shape this heart of discontent
Enlarged and scarred from battles drawn
Yet small and quiet as the grave
In silent hours before the dawn.
It beats within a crooked chest
It's keeps it's time with breath, forlorn
and promises with certain fate
It will be still one quiet morn.

A whisper escaping through ruby lips
and echoing through my fragile heart
A simple pact by a fool and his folly 
lays bleeding at my feet, betrayed.

Starlit starlings sleep unfettered
settled now in treetops high
when dawn awakes they'll join the chorus
Waking all with joyful cry.

They'll take to wing across the skyline
and charm the clouds to a whispered sigh
Come evening they'll return with glory
Weaving waves into the sky.

This evening I take to the stage
to stand behind the Mic
to read my bits of poetry,
the thought fills me with fright.

My nerves now wrapped in butterflies
My tongue is neatly tied
My knees now knock with terror
and my voice is in a vice,
the thought fills me with horror
as my blood turns into ice.

My sweaty palms are shaking
my book is firmly grasped
as I practise reading clearly
not too slowly, not too fast.

I love to write my poems,
like to read them in my head
but tonight I'll stand behind the Mic
and read for you instead.

Six small words, that's all.


Six. Small. Words. 


Yet they sit mute on my tongue, held tightly by fear of the destruction they will cause. 

Seven syllables.
Swirling around my brain, screaming through my consciousness everytime we talk, begging to be spoken, consuming my every panicked thought.

Twenty two letters.
A small amount, though enough to tear two worlds into shreds and cast friendship into darkness everlasting.


They're only words, right?

If that were true, I would scream them across the sea, my truth drowning out the roar of the tide..... but these words would take you from me, so I bite down on them, imprison them within, where they churn and spit with fury at my cowardice.

Six small words I'll always mean but never say, seven syllables that would send you reeling, running, betrayed.  Twenty two letters that I could only ever follow with "I'm sorry" as I watch you walk away.

The song took flight on whispered breeze
and fled the warmth of nest and home
infusing dusk with sorrow sweet
to soothe the village down below

swift passed the pious mourners now
that weep where beauty lays 
near crumbling stones of pitied souls
in decadent decay 

Onwards it soars o'er sideways streets
clean steps in tidy rows
dark windows lit with single glint
locked doors show no remorse

the melody it rests awhile
then builds again reborn
no joy is found
where sadness blooms, for she is here no more 

but death he will not linger here
his reaping swiftly spent
and in his wake on whispered breeze
the nightingales lament.

I sit and watch the sunrise,
as life unwanted 
courses through my veins.

Once I saw the joy in morning
It's quiet wonder would lift my eyes,
nature awakened by it's tender kiss
as I breathed it's sweet perfume.

I see no glory now
there is no song lilting gently on a breeze.
All birds have flown
only silence remains.

I will hang my heart on broken bough
to rot amongst the fading blossoms
and bow,prostrate before the coming storm.

Please don't call me Poet
I am but a sinking boat
these words they crash against my hull
and keep my heart afloat.
They stop me going under
for my soul cannot be saved
it's sleeps down deep with Davey Jones
beneath the churning waves.

Please don't call me Poet,
to that name I don't aspire,
I merely scribble words that rhyme
and sing of dark desire.
I whisper onto paper every truth my heart does hear,
my blood it taints the pages
you will find no beauty here.

Please don't call me Poet,
I am but cold and worn,
my jaded eyes are barren
and my fickle heart is torn.
My resolve she crumbles slowly, precious thoughts do not behave.
If you must call me poet
place a marker on my grave.

Dark melodies, haunting,
caress lost souls
within a melancholy vacuum.
Strength and fragility combine
with minor harmony
to ease minds less troubled.
This gift of yourself,
writhing, dark longing,
as you ache for decay.

Beauty all but forgotten 
by the pens that brought your demise
as they pick at your bones
re-running self destruction
in front page spectaculars.

Lone death is not your legacy,
a symptom of the silence you craved,
now unending.
Seattle's lights dimmed in your wake
it's brightest flame guttered,
reviled in tabloid taunts and tales of lonely rooms.

Still you walk in the halls of the jaded,
weaving life between scars 
a saviour to the unsaved,
our hearts desires brandished
within passions voice, eternal.

*"My gift of self is *****, my privacy is raked
And yet I find, yet I find repeating in my head,
If I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead"