I wait for the ground to reclaim me
organic tissue, clothing of cotton
biodegradable, degraded
metallic dirt with soot and wood
blood spills from my mouth
uncontrollable
I am injured and waiting
I gurgle through a deep reverie
where the ground swallows me whole

cold soil poured over flesh
artisanal grave keepers
bury me along the elms and oaks
and I become strong enough
to conquer my darkest self
to dig out of the night
and somehow, somewhere
find you with my last breath
in my final hour
to say the words I mean--
it is you
it has always been you
the answer
to the unasked question
the vision late at night
before my sweetest slumber
the craving when I don't know
what I want
has always been you

but I stare at the sky
feel cold, sticky blood
leave my body
and wait for the ground
to claim me

time is the true criminal
occupying spaces liminal
stealing me away in scraps
hours shared become a trap
changing bodies with seasons
wrinkles forming without reason
I see time when I look in the mirror
every day it draws itself nearer
the softness gone and replaced
features of youth now erased
I can't recognize the edges and lines
every new spot is another sign
the dark circles with blackened eyes
all the features I had memorized
gone, gone, gone
at the end of my dawn

poetry is masochism
seeing the cataclysm
both inside and around
and for every fresh wound
every word you've stabbed
poetry is picking at your scab
rather than letting it heal
watching how each layer peels
poetry is getting hurt
using your voice to assert
by showing your cuts
scars, bruises, guts
to everyone in the world
letting your emotions unfurl
poetry is being carved
feeding others when you're starved
being open and true
words for others to turn to
let them rip out your beauty
aesthetics becomes duty

the light in my heart flickered and died
a punishment for hubris to gods I've defied
the stars refused to shine in the sky
I saw the earth beneath me liquefy

the water as still as a painting hung
I felt blood and salt coat my lungs
every day I floated lifeless through
from friends and family, I withdrew

no wind, no air, world is empty and black
I begged that forces would take my life back
I waited for the powers to strike me down
crush me, smite me, watch me drown

the worst fate of all is that I remained
and try as I might, you kept me chained
you cut me open to watch me bleed
ignored all of my wants and needs

without wind in my sail, unable to leave
that's when I met him - my reprieve
whose tongue was made of platinum and lace
whose heart was filled with beauty and grace

a golden god who lit my heart ablaze
who showed me tenderness always
for him, I realize I must become better
for him, I write every single letter

because now my heart beats for his touch alone
his light is the one I still feel in my bones
I remember his voice saying he loved me like mad
I'd give up forever for the moments we had

tickle my sides with your teeth
your lips, your words underneath
my skin and through my veins
your memory always in my brain
it's all that will someday remain
I think of you to ease my pain
and break the binds that chain
cut myself free of guides and reins
I'll run to you, all the same
because my love will never wane
perhaps this is naive or insane
to write so many poems for one name
but to myself I must be true
since the day I've fallen for you
my world is 50 shades of blue
your eyes found in every hue
before, my heart was torn in two
it got spit up, destroyed and chewed
your passion made it brand new
it was me alone your love saw through
my feelings for you only grew
waiting to see what night will ensue
despite your words leaving no clue

it's fatalistic to believe
life provides no choices
there are two sides
to every knife
but the blade
still cuts the same

congratulations, Hello Poetry!~
you're my new best friend
because I could use a friend right now
and you're all I have

I've been thinking about us a lot lately
how nice it is to have you in my life
because when I write, I feel less lonely
and I can connect with you, dear friend

I know you won't judge me
you're here for me when no one else is
when I feel like I've built my life wrong
I log in and read "me too" - thank you

my life lately has felt like a million pieces
being broken apart and reassembled haphazardly
like I took a wrong turn down a dark alley
and I've been trying to find my way out since

I don't know when, how, or if I'll find
a shining beam of light at the end of the tunnel
but I am happy to hear about the world outside
or to be stuck in the tunnel with you