.Filicia.


you finally came back…
your porcelain innocent doll face..looking at my fractured body.
you’re not innocent,
you’re not good,
you’re not real..
you’re not worth my time..
but you are thats exactly whats wrong with me…
i choose to stay even when it’s not possible for you to change; you say..
i know you can change..
i believe in you…
i have faith..little faith and believe in myself but you…
you’re more to me..
than my own life itself.
you can't go..i won't let you..
i will tie you up put chains around you my love will hold you until you can see what you’re worth..
huh,
i have so little energy..
im using it all to run around the merigal round chasing you round’ and round.
im out of breath.
do you see?
i already have caught  up with you..
i know you want to be happy..
be able to laugh without having to swallow it down..
i know you’d like to smile let your teeth show..but instead you hide that beautiful smile of yours with your sleeve..
i know what you’re hiding those scars that are buried beneath your  oh so pale skin..beautiful..thats what they are..
i know what's beneath those clothes of yours beauty..
look at you you’re my super model..
perfect..to me..
lovely..velvet blood stains your clothes..
your velvet red luscious blood drips down your oh so pale but amazingly perfect skin…
im stained with your perfect insides..
you're my drug just the sight of you makes me wanna bleed..
you're so perfect to me.

YOURE A MASTERPIECE.
A PERFECT PICTURE PAINTED BY A BEAUTIFUL QUEEN.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY WORTH MY TIME.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE GIRL ALL THE GUYS WILL WANDER AFTER
DEFINITELY THE GIRL ALL THE GUYS WILL GO THROUGH THE TERRIBLE FOREST TO SEE THE WICKED WITCH TO HAVE YOU.
YOURE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU ARE PERFECT.
YOUR BODY IS ITS OWN PERFECTION THAT ATTRACTS ME.
OH I WANT YOU SO BADLY.
TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS AND CARRY YOU AWAY LIKE YOUR PRINCESS IN ARMOR.
BABY I WANT TO SEE YOU WALK DOWN THAT AISLE SOMEDAY.
I WILL GET ON ONE KNEE SOMEDAY.
AND BABY I HOPE YOU'LL SAY YES.
WELL HAVE A PERFECT FAMILY BECAUSE YOU'LL MAKE EVERYTHING PERFECT.
WE'LL BE TOGETHER AND IT WILL BE A FAIRY TALE.
ONE NO ONE NOT EVEN THE PERFECT COUPLE HAVE EVER LIVED
BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOU AND I.

why are you looking at me?
stop...looking at me..im addicted to those fiery but icy cold eyes..
i hate you..
but i love you.
you’re so beautiful..
your body and all,
i hate that you don’t see your image the way i do.
you are perfect,
gorgeous,
beautiful..
you are everything that i could ever want.
you are everything that i could ever want to be.
you are everything i’d like to be.
you are everything i’d love to be.
you are everything i’d like to have.
you are everything i’d love to have.
that beautiful body of yours to hold all night..
that mysterious but amazing mind to read..
those soft warm lips against my neck..
those amazingly red lips against my lips..
to feel the cold of your hand on my own..
to hold you when your nightmares take over,
to stare straight into those eyes that attract me, get me everytime..
i’d love to say i love you..
perhaps whisper it in your ear..
my beautiful love,
i’d protect you..save you from tripping on ****** roses..
save your heart from getting crushed..
to catch you when you decide to fall.
i love you.

he said he loved me,
he said he cared,
he said he wouldn't break me,
he said he understood,
he said he loved me,
he said he would protect me,
he said he would help me,
he said he loved me ,
he said he cared,
he said a lot of things that i would die to hear once more.
his lips were addictive just like air,
he said he would stay with me,
he said he would be there,
he said he loved me,
he said he cared.
he told me he loved me.
he told me he'd be there.
he left me to hang.
left me to bleed.
left me to die.
left me to be broken one more time.
he snapped me in half again.
he lead me on.
he took what was mine,
and ran away.
he told me he loved me.
he said that he cared.
he said that he promised he’d always be there.
he lied like all the others.
i thought he cared.
i thought that he loved me.
i thought that he was different from the others but he was just a spare.
a fool to be so cruel.
a fool to sweep me off my feet,
then let me weep in a pool of my own blood.
i told him everything all my secrets and fears
he knew i feared to lose him
and he knew the game very well..
the game of love and the game of loss.
he knew i couldn't lose another soul
he knew id beg and plead for him to run on back to me
but instead he led me to my death
my heartbreak once more.
he told me that he loved me
he told me that he cared.
he told me that he loved me
he told me that he cared
he told me that he’d be there
he told me that he cared he told me things
ive never heard before.
he told me wild things that made my heart glow even more
he told things that i fell for
he told me that he loved me
he told me that he’d save me
he told me that he would protect me
he told me that he loved me once more
he’s just like the rest
they destroy
and ****
they only want one thing
they pretend to fall in love with you.
they tell you they love you.
they tell you they care.
they tell you they’ll be there
they tell you they’ll save you from your demons and terriers
you believe them
sometimes give in
you believe them
they kiss you,
cuddle you.
make you feel love.
you believe you can feel the warmth
but there is none
just cold
they take what they want
then they tell you basically that you're not enough.
that you can't give them what they want.
what they dream of.
they want perfection.
seeking for innocent blood
then they let you down easy
they turn mean and start to destroy you.
just remember they're just out for one thing
and don't let your guard down baby because if you do they won't stay long

I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT GIRL ALL THE GUYS BOW DOWN TO.
IVE NEVER ACTUALLY MET A GUY WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
NEVER BEEN A POPULAR PERSON.
NEVER BEEN PERFECT ON THE INSIDE OUT.
NEVER BEEN HOMECOMING QUEEN.
IVE NEVER BEEN ON A CHEERLEADING TEAM.
NEVER HAD GIRLS THAT WANTED TO BE ME.
NEVER BEEN CALLED PERFECT BY GUYS ON THE VARSITY FOOTBALL TEAM.
I'VE NEVER KISSED KEN.
BUT,
I AM ME.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL WHO ALL THE GUYS HAVE RESPECT FOR.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL THAT ALL THE GUYS CALL FRIEND.
I HAVE BEEN THE GIRL THAT HAS HAD IMPERFECT BUT PERFECT GUYS CRUSH ON ME.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL THAT SPENDS HER WEEKENDS AT THE SKATEPARK OR RIDING DIRTBIKES.
IM THE GIRL THAT HAS SARCASM EVERYONE FEARS TO HEAR.
IM THE GIRL THAT WILL BE TOTALLY HONEST EVEN IF IT WILL HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
IM THE GIRL THAT CAN BE PRETTY.
IM THE GIRL THAT PREFERS SHORTS OR PANTS OVER SKIRTS AND DRESSES.
IM THE GIRL WHO LIKES FISHNETS AND COMBAT BOOTS.
THE GIRL THAT WILL GET CRAZY.
THE GIRL THAT DEFENDS HERSELF AND PEOPLE SHE CARES ABOUT.
I WILL GET IN YOUR FACE IF YOU GET IN MINE.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE ONE SPECIAL GUY THEN HAVE TWENTY FAKE GUYS.
IM THE GIRL THAT RESPECTS YOU IF YOU RESPECT ME.
IM THE HARD HEADED GIRL THAT IS STUBBORN AS HELL.
I DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH JERKS.
I PLAY HARD TO GET IF I FEEL THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE EASY.
IM THE GIRL THAT WILL KICK YOUR ***  IF YOU MESS WITH ME.

MY OLD LIFE WAS BETTER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS SIMPLER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS HAPPIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS WORTHY,
MY  OLD SELF WAS PRETTY,
MY OLD SELF WAS BEAUTIFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS SKINNIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS USEFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS PERFECT.



MY OLD SELF HAD CONFIDENCE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A HAPPY LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A MOM,
MY OLD SELF HAD EVERYTHING,
MY OLD SELF LOVED HERSELF.
MY OLD SELF WAS LOVEABLE,
MY OLD SELF WAS LIKEABLE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A VOICE,
MY OLD SELF IS DEAD,
MY OLD SELF IS GONE,
TRAPPED BENEATH ALL THE PAIN,
THE ANGER IS FORCING BACK.
MY OLD SELF WILL NEVER COME BACK.






NOW I'M STUCK,
NOW IM LOST,
NOW I CRY,
NOW IM FAT,.
NOW I'M UGLY,
NOW I'M WORTHLESS,
NOW I'M HELPLESS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M IMPERFECT,
NOW IM SCARED,
NOW I'M QUIET,
NOW I'M SOLD OUT,
NOW I HAVE NO HEART,
NOW I'M COLD AS ICE,
NOW I HAVE NO FEELINGS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M NOT HAPPY,
NOW IM SAD,
NOW IM GONE,
NOW IM DEAD,
NOW I'M TIRED,
NOW IM HEART BROKEN,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SAVED,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SEEN,
NOW ALL ILL DO IS HID FROM THE TRUTH,
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS BAD AND IT STINGS IT PINCHES ME WITH EVERY TOUCH.
NOW I WILL GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.

When,
when will i be able to look at the world and think how lucky i am to be here..
there.
When will i be able to look in the mirror and think of how beautiful i am?
i know that  beauty isn't me,
does not exist in me.
never will i be any type of beauty.
When will i see my life flash before my eyes just like those innocent children playing in the street at night not looking for cars, people who are intoxicated.
My eyes arent wide anymore..
nothing amazes me not even your ******* beauty.
ive seen it all.
******..
violence..
death thats how it goes..
life
its all a game
no one wins we all die all go to hell..
everyone lies..
steals..
hearts have been broken ..
right?
theres no one out there whos not been hurt..
theres everyone out there who has hurt someone in there long long life time..
right?
im right i know it i've done it..
youve done it
they've done it.
hes done it
shes done it
that girl and boy has done it
they'll probably do it to each other..
****** themselves after..
they choose to say goodbye
everyone has done and does it.
no mistakes?
are you kidding me everyone is a mistake in this world of games.
i wish i had already died.
oh baby don't cry
your perfectly fine my dear.
child i know you've gotten broken and you broke him too but you'll be fine.
thats how life is.
its a game everyone loses
everyone dies.
right?
im right i know it.
ive seen it
******
violence
death..