She kisses the boys and girls
that pay the most attention.
The boys play with vapor
and her girls play with tension.
I wish I was the only one
that she will decide to touch
but I am who I am
and, in a way, that is too much.

Sawblade-sunflower petals
wrap around an earthy cushion,
and the humidity hangs in the air
as her beige body is crumpled
and I feel too sober, pushing.

Baby yellow falls apart,
in her hair the flower starts
to trickle onto sheet and pillow,
decorating the absences
that define how hollow
she and I have felt before --
******* like an endangered species
on the killing floor, I whisper once,
I whisper sweet, "Don't you wish
that we didn't meet?"

She kisses the boys and girls
that give the most attention.
I played with vapor
and she played with tension.

I had grown tall,                                                         distant
                                                                                       and lost

(Within a cacophony of voices, a spectrum of choices)

Now,

                an awakening

Silent roots—grown tired of relative safety—leap
into the foreground

And spill color across my
blank canvas

Takes a while to sink in, this
new place, the smell of cleaning
products and wood, leather and
old books

This is my home—how did I get here?

I work maniacally, rearranging as a signature,
desperate approval for this change

So much space
"you'll be comfortable"

living apart, what
life should I lead?

I was walking the streets of Amsterdam
Trying to figure out the type of man that I am
The red lights filling the black night
My heart was torn between the sultry things
And the hope of stability
A life without despair or fear
Unsettled and unfilled I went looking for thrills

I wandered on

Braving the cold Icelandic seas
I was diving into the depths of me
Finding the treasures I’ve buried deep
Hoping to find what everyone says they see
Because I’m tired of mirrors trying to flee
No evidence that I have an ounce of worth
I set out to find my place on earth

I wandered on

Serving to clean the streets of Brazil
How could I give to earn my fill
I fell in love with every person I met
Drinking tea on summer days
Like the world wasn’t as bad as they say
I paid for heaven with sweat and faith
Instead of indebting my life to death

I wandered on

I saw England, I saw France
After sinning we agreed to dance
To pretend were weren’t broken sculptures
Thrown across the floor
We kept each other begging for more
Good day my love, avoir my friend

I wandered on

I found my end
In heaven I reflect on my wandering heart
How it nearly tore my soul apart
I sought for peace and chased my love
God has taught me to look within
Find a fiber of faith to begin
Now look around and find your friends
You’re the answer to their tearful prayers
Be the one to show you care
Don’t wander past your current place
Until you’ve extended your hand of grace

I’ve wandered on

Cap and tassel,
diploma,
freedom from academia.
A swift, ****** birth
as I'm shoved through to real life,
supposedly born grown,
a bright smile and a firm hand shake,
along with a list of accomplishments.
I have none, my resume made
completely of Diablo Rock Gym
and Chipotle.
Great.
Maybe I can still fail a class,
tell the professor I copied
my A paper, get expelled
and start all over!
Or fade away quick,
sink fast before anyone notices.
I'll slide into some forgotten swamp,
survive on worms,
and my own words,
                                    my own words,
             my            own                 wo,
my                   own            w
                                 my                      own
                                               my          ow
                   my
            m                                                   y
   m
               .

So tell me what you want to be
And what you think you need of me
For what you do
You will become
As habit makes it part of one

For habits grind and clearly shape
Rough edges smoothed,
some dreams may break
Then, from time to time
There’s someone who
Will melt or break a part of you
So once again your shape does change
Though it may feel you’re just the same

It may take another, looking on
To see the shape that you’ve become
So maybe that should be my role?
Some sort of yardstick of your soul?
But then again, I will change too
So perhaps we’d better muddle through
And focus on the spark inside
The flame that undiminished shines

And if, as said, that change is certain
It will never be the final curtain
So embrace the change in me and you
And love the flame that shines on through