Beer Cans
I remember the afternoon we spent alone in the woods
Putting bullets in beer cans
With amber filtered through the green
As if someone had taken reality and cocooned it in spider silk, softened.
But we didn’t embrace that softness, just left it hovering in the atmosphere
Because I was teaching you how to defend yourself.
That’s how I got you to tell me about the things your dad made you do as a little boy
And  impressed you because I understood why you cried for a week after.
That’s when I told you about my parents, a money marriage with fondness on a good day.
I remember the jokes you made when you kept missing
And I never forgot how your hands trembled-
You hated firing that gun, even at beer cans,
But I wanted to make sure you could defend yourself
So you told me I had a Lady Liberty complex,
And I said no;
I had a Mamma Bear complex.
To which you replied that I didn’t have an interest in being your mother,
I wanted to be your safety and your fresh start; your guiding beacon of strength.
And maybe you’re right. Lady Liberty and the Independence Day.
I won’t forget you as long as I live.
[Rest of the poem isn’t here, but is on Medium.]

Whatever happens from this moment forward
I promise I’ll always be your friend
That’s a lesson I’ve had to learn-
That I can never abandon the ones who matter
And from now on
You will always matter to me
We namaste together
And we take names together
So I can promise you with my heart
Nothing breaks this matching set.
I hold your pom-poms during the cartwheels
You hold my earrings during the bar fights
And from this moment forward
We’ll always have each other to hold.

Depth of the gray evening
Envelops the lone wolf child who wanders through it
Slowly making her way up the river, careful of the damp moss on the cobblestone path
Only looking up from the ground to gaze upon the stars
Looking to the constellations for guidance, unafraid of what surrounds her
All she really knows is the cold and the dark and the stars
Tips fading as they emanate from the center point
Even as dreams fade with outward pushes, the stars fade as the light moves. And she moves.

I wanted to hurt her
Well, I wanted to make her feel what she had done to me
****** something precious of hers, as she had done me
Something small and insignificant
So that when she publicized her pain, no one would care
They’d say, it was just a trinket, not like it was valuable
But, oh, something worth so much to her and only her
Something that would make her understand just what she had stolen from me
Something that would give me a petty sense of victory, of evenness
I wanted what had gone around to come around,
So as she had sent pain to me, I thus sent pain to her.

I wanted to study her
See what was it about her that he desired
If not for brains, beauty, or heart
Then why did he hurt me for the sake of her?
I wanted to figure out why she was better than me in the eyes of so many
So I fixated on it without even trying and I learned more about her
And I think I understand now why he wanted to hurt me, for her sake;
I now know why I wasn’t good enough, why she was better than I was.

I don’t know why
But something in me
Has this need-
A need for him
To make me smile again
I don’t know why

I don’t know why
But something about him
Has this hold on me-
A hold I don’t suffer from
That’s running me down and round
I don’t know why

I don’t know why
But something about me
Is susceptible to his charm
And lets it keep me up
Making me something else
I don’t know why

Perhaps…
The girl directly across from me now
Is the very one I was a decade ago.
She is not at all overweight
Bu will waste the rest of her life being told she is.
She is not sick or troubled today
But soon the ways of the world will take their toll, no refunds or exchanges.
And perhaps then, when she has been broken completely,
She will be depressed and overweight and uncared for.
But perhaps she will beat the system yet
And find a way to be a functioning woman,
Happy with herself, at peace with her mind.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Though this day may never be touched by the light
And though no love come to hold us this night
And though I am years from your touch and you are worlds from mine
Hold the sliver of grace that someday I’ll see your eyes shine
Even if it feels like you’ve held me for the last time
The uphill battle of love is worth the hard climb.

After all the hardships we fight through for love
We will soon be reunited, free to love
There has come a time now when we must hide our love
But there will come a time soon when we’ll return home
And when you’re safe in my arms where you belong,
Nothing will be able to tear us apart.

Don’t you love me?
Don’t I love you?
Because with a love so true, so deep, so strong
We’ve created a love that can’t be broken
And that is worth it, isn’t it my darling
We aren’t touched by light but soon we’ll be shining.